Hey there, CotardDelusionz. First off, I love your avatar! I hope you're hungry because I'll serve my scrum-diddly-umptious Oreo review. 😋 Here it goes...
Starting with the first cookie or what I love about this: This work has intense and raw emotions. I'm unsure if this is a personal experience or reflecting on someone else's, but overall, it is relatable and evokes a litany of feelings. There is vivid imagery that establishes the despair and suffering.
Specifically, I love this line:
My body withers away like fall leaves
Also, there is a lot of repetition that helps emphasize the pain and meaning of this work. The lines of
andHow much will you take from me
help establish the feeling of being overwhelmed and helpless. There is an excellent tone set here through the repetition, descriptions, and language choices.You made me
Now, let's look into what can be improved or the "cream." Depending upon the reader, you may find that this may benefit from consistent structure and rhythm. There is no clear, consistent pattern regarding line length, meter, and structure. This may enhance the flow and impact to some. I usually prefer rhyme and rhythm in poetry, but ultimately, I know this is a personal choice. It is perfectly acceptable for no consistency in structure, and the poem does not suffer from it. I think mostly this is the case here. Honestly, though, I think that is a bit nit-picky and solely lies on preferences.
Lastly, let's look at what I take from this for the last cookie. I take away that the writer here has had a great deal of pain. This pain feels like trauma of some kind: abuse, a traumatic event, addiction, bullying, an accident, or loss of something or someone, either metaphorically or literally. Overall, it is profound. I relate to it. You mention, "My jaw is clenched." Upon reading this, my jaw was left wide open. Bravo! Wishing you well wherever you are in the world, »»——⍟a⍟——««
Points: 308
Reviews: 81
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