My mind is filled with files
Sorted into boxes
My brain is strange,
No amount of pills can fix it.
"Edgy" "emotional" "trying to hard",
Just other words for broken.
Labels to file under "Negative"
On these dumb screens in my eyes.
Truth is I will change this world,
But that's not written in the stars,
It’s written in these pages in my brain,
Filed under "Facts To Make True".
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Wesh, I'm just going to give this my overall thoughts!
I like the meaning of this poem, but I feel you could've worded it better. I think the flow is perfect and it helps with the overall message. I would say work on your punctuation and I saw one or two spelling mistakes. I would add stanzas.
That's all! I hope I helped.
_XJade
I really like th whole idea. The files thing, the way you seem to have an evolution all throughout the poem, until finally saying you will change the world. The fact it’s not karma, but a sort of promise to yourself. Even though metaphors (except for the files/stars) are absent, at least this poem gives us something to think about. I just didn’t really understand the *on the dumb screens in my eyes* I mean, I guess it refers to you, like, you’re labeling yourself- but still. The fact you directly open with the main plot, is also kinda good. The fact it’s short, and memorable at the same time-show the potential of your poem. Probably one of my favorites 10/10
Heya, Corvus Queen, Casanova here to do a review for you.
I find that this part is a bit.. Weirdly worded? You go from saying that your mind is filled with flies, and such, and then just a simple,"My brain is strange." I would suggest expanding on the flies imagery. Think about them buzzing around, causing mayhem, making annoyance, disturbing the order of things. But this is just a simple idea for me. Anyway, onward.
I don't know what else to say on this end besides you're going through and just listing what you feel/what's wrong instead of describing it, which I think I would like to see you describe it. Anyway, onwards.
I think instead of saying 'facts' to make true, you should say it's an opinion or a strive or something you're trying to make true, although i have faith you will.
All in all I think I would like to see this expand imagery, drop the listing, and see what you could make of it. I hope this review helped, find me if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Casanova