Tear your eyes from the gray horizon
When the clouds are tinted from their hue
To stars not yet inked by smoke
And skies of fading blue
Lift your head from the ruins of future
Your world is yet unborn by here
And with your hands unstained by dust
Silt the birth of unborn tears
Take your hands from the dying earth
So broken by their naïveté
To lift up another brilliant light
To guide your heart back home to me
I’ll wait here always, looking to you
Come back once more, I’ll see you through
Your world has darkened, it’s not too late
I’ll wait forever under skies still blue
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hey there!
ILoveBooks is here to review your magnificent work!
Welcome to YWS! You did make a good start by writing one fantastic poem! I am happy for your poem. When I was reading it earlier, I was like whoa. This is great! I love it. Bravo for your skills on making a great poem!
Lets start the reviewing shall we?
First of all, even thought I'm not great at criticizing and looking for wrong grammar. I found that you dont actually have mistake on writing this thing. Well done. Because most of us who write these kind of poems sometimes has wrong grammar or forget something like punctuation marks or something like that. But you...You dont have for your first poem. And I'm happy for that
Second of all, your rhymes are good. That caught my attention actually and made me write a review. Sometimes I try to write a poem with matching rhymes but sometimes it wont fit the poem at the same time. I was having a hard time rhyming things.
Third of all, you use alot of deep words and meaning. Well that really a good way on how to define a great poem actually in my opinion. It really caught alot of people attention too.
Fourth is, the poem itself was really well written and well relatable to readers like me. Many people really can express their feelings like this. And i have to be honest with you, this poem touches me. You express yourself very good on this poem.
Well that's all I can comment about the poem but I recommended you to maybe let the readers think what will happen next. And use more deep words that express great meaning to your poems. That just what I suggest, you can ignore this if you think this is not a good suggestion. I'm really just crazy about suggestions.
Over all, I like your poem. And i hope you can have a lot poems to come. Thanks for entertaining us about your amazing poem! I appreciate it. And keep writing!
-ILoveBooks123
Thank you for reviewing~~~ \(^w^) This poem is more of a stand-alone poem, so I don't think I'll be adding anything more to it/continuing it in the future, but thank you for the suggestions anyways
Happy writing~~~!
You are welcome
Tigerlilly here to review!
First off, welcome to YWS! You've made a great start here, with these first couple of poems. I really like your writing, I love the flow you have and the way it is easy to read and yet holds so much meaning. One thing I would recommend for you is using more challenging words to help find that perfect spot where you can leave the reader to ponder about it rather than leaving them knowing the complete meaning of it, if that makes any sense...
Anyways, excellent poem! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your works!
Hi there, friend! Thanks for the welcome :'D
And yes, I do sadly agree that my pool of vocabulary is quite minuscule compared to my fellow YWs ._. So I will be working on that, thanks for pointing it out! I'll look forward to seeing you again in the future!
One way to really help your vocabulary is to go to Thesaurus.com. I personally use it all the time when a certain word just doesn't quite fit.
I look forward to seeing you in the future as well, and if you ever need anything, just message me or leave a comment on my wall.
Thanks, friend! I will check stuff out~
HEY
its a beautiful poem. I love these kind of poetry which says a lot about how we see things. sometimes it happens with me that I just feel like writing and I don't have words then I think that how to express my helplessness that I cant write and then I get up ,go out and see the world then I usually get what I should write about. But I must say it is a lovely way to see the world out there and write it like filling blank paper with gems. I really love the poem and I wish to look more like this ahead in future.
Hi there, friend! Thank you SO much for your kind words! :') I'm glad you liked it and I hope I made you feel at least a little better today XD.
Also, I, too, struggle with putting my thoughts on paper. It's even harder since I am an automatic writer-- my method of writing is just to let my hands go wild and type whatever, that's how I always write my poems. Well anyways, thanks for the review, and I'll look forward to seeing you again in the future.