There is a world above the clouds
It’s where no one else can see
It’s high up above with the stars
Where no one knows of it but me
.
There is a song beyond your skies
It’s where my own destiny lies
Crystal clear like my heart of glass
But how long will the melody last?
.
There is a dream that won’t come true
Unable to fall from the truth
When my sun fades away
Will my Heart fade away too?
.
There is a city made of glass
Tied into my fickle soul
When my Heart leads me back home
Will it shatter, or stay whole?
.
A Heart of Glass can’t melt in light
Nor in earth, nor blood and stone
But with the clouds below my skies
Then, I won’t feel so alone
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Hey!
Great work here, I really enjoyed reading this. You manage to put so much emotion and meaning into quite a simple structure, and it is really powerful to read.
I love the concept in particular - the world above the clouds is such a intriguing topic that I want to read more about. In particular "There is a city made of glass / tied into my fickle soul" is a beautiful line and I love the imagery you conjure.
There are some basic capitalisation issues like "Heart" and "Heart of Glass" but this may have been intended so really it's up to you. You also have a lot of 'it's' in the poem, which are superfluous and don't add anything to the poem. I think the second and third line in particular don't need the It's. Try reading it without and see if it flows better to you.
These criticisms really are tiny and don't stop me enjoying the poem. You have built up a wonderful world and you draw the reader in effortlessly. I hope to read more from you soon!
- Arathorth
Gooooood morning, friend! Thank you for the review, it's the best thing I can wake up to :'D and now you mention it, I do use a lot of 'it's' in this poem, huh.... I will tweak it for the future, thanks for pointing that out~~~ happy writing!
Initially, when I started to read this I was expecting something different, which is largely due to my own mind making me hum some old 80's song. However, after getting past that and reading it a second time I found that I quite enjoyed the poem. You have a great flow from start to finish and the imagery that you use is executed very well.
Like another reviewer, I really did enjoy the last line the most out of the whole poem and I look forward to reading more from you.
Hello there, friend! Thanks for delivering a cooki-- er, a review. They're the same to me-- they both make me dance with happiness
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed my little poem, and I hope you'll stay tuned~ Happy writing~
Fantasydragon01 in the house!!!!!!
First off, I love, and when I say "I love" I mean "I love", poetry. Your piece here was as wonderful as the stars at night. It was very smooth and not rough. The rhymes were good, but the way you put them was a bit confusing. I am trying to say "this part has the word that rhymes with the other word and this part does not". I hope you know what I mean.
That is basically it. I love your line
"There is a song beyond your skies"
That deserves some reward.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01
Hello there and welcome to the house, friend! Thanks so much for dropping by to give an review. And yes, I admit the rhyming schemes in this poem are often... off... ehehehe.... well, this is a very old poem, and I didn't want to change it too much, so... But I will definitely try harder in the future, much thanks for pointing that out~ I'll be hoping to see you again sometime soon~
Okay. Thanks. If you have any questions, please ask. I would be more than happy to answer.
Hey.
Great poem, it was really nice. I got the whole idea here, this title somehow reminded me of Sia's lyrics. And anyways,I didn't find any glitches as such.
Secondly, I'd love it if you'd add more of a story to it, it's just a suggestion. Like make it more interesting, and something captivating. The rhyme scheme was also good.
Good job.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Thanks for dropping by, friend! Thank you for your kind words~
Also, I'm thinking of writing down the actual story of the character, and if I do, I will put it up. Se please stay tuned~
Thanks for dropping by, friend! Thank you for your kind words~
Also, I'm thinking of writing down the actual story of the character, and if I do, I will put it up. Se please stay tuned~
It's very intriguing. I enjoy the ending of "I won't feel so alone." It takes the poem to a different place. It's very interesting the way that you took the words and gave them life and rhythm. The "will it shatter or stay whole" gives the story a little sadness, though this is far outweighed by the overall strength I receive from reading this. Wonderful job.
Hi! Thanks for dropping by!
And yes, it is meant to be a rather dark poem, as the character herself is, well, a Daemon. Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I am rolling in my own happiness right now... XD Thanks once again, and I will be looking forward to reading your stuffz again in the future~
Hi! Thanks for dropping by!
And yes, it is meant to be a rather dark poem, as the character herself is, well, a Daemon. Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I am rolling in my own happiness right now... XD Thanks once again, and I will be looking forward to reading your stuffz again in the future~
Hi! Hermione here for a review. You did a wonderful job on this poem; it was beautiful. I only noticed a couple places where it seemed to not flow very well. Here is the first part:
To me it seems like the word 'with' in the third line of this stanza is unnecessary. Try reading it without it and see if it flows any better to you. It definitely does to me.
One thing I noticed about your poem is that you switch rhyme schemes a lot. In most instances it was okay, but in this stanza it just doesn't sound right. You rhymed the first and last line, and it was the first time you did that in any of your stanzas. I would suggest changing it to say,
"Unable to fall from the truth
Lies a dream that won't come true
When my sun fades away
Will my Heart fade away too?"
These were pretty words you used here, but I didn't quite get the meaning of this stanza. But that might just be me. There were several lines in your poem, that while they sounded beautiful, I didn't really know what they meant. Maybe could you explain to me?
Punctuation: You used question marks throughout you poem, and the occasional comma, but in my opinion you should further punctuate your poem with more commas and periods so readers know when to pause and take a breath. I think that it would help make your poem easier to read.
Anyways, great job on this! It was really quite pretty. Keep writing!
Hey there, tomodachi~ (friend)
Anyways, thanks for pointing out some of the mistakes. This is a very old poem, actually, and I wrote it a few years back, so I did not catch a lot of the mistakes I made. Oops. ._. As for the line with the "true, truth," and "too", I intended for "truth" to be a near rhyme with "too". Evidently did not work out very well. 
I had a thing for near rhymes back then, so I guess that's how it turned out....? \(>w<')
). She's questioning that, if her legacy were to come to an end, will she simply fade away? Forgotten by all?
First off, thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem! I did not expect so many reviews to spring up overnight, and it made my day!
As for the punctuation, I have a pretty distinct style in that I never use periods in my poem (I only added the periods in between the stanzas in order to keep the line open, to clearly indicate that they are separate stanzas). I guess there's an eternal feud between me and punctuation, since I tend to abuse them and they tend to evade me during grammar checks. (^__^') But yeah, I left out most punctuation as a part of my writing style.
And as to the meaning of the poem, it's a little hard to explain unless I pour out the entire story from the bottom of my crammed writer-y soul. But I'll try my best to pick out a few distinct points:
1. The character to whom this poem corresponds to is a Daemon who resides on earth. Unable to comprehend most human emotions, said character constantly seeks to be alone. She wants to be among the clouds, as she can see the entirety of the world up there, and can be closer to the stars. So, she creates an entire kingdom of nothing but colored glass (mostly with magical properties) and suspends in above the noctilucent cloud layer. That's the 'place' she is referring to in the poem.
2. "There is a dream that won't come true" refers to the character's own fantasies. She understands that her glass castles are nothing more than props for a game of play-pretend. She knows that no matter how much she wishes for it, she'll live, suffer, and die as nothing more a Daemon-- a creature rejected by all of earth.
3. "When my sun fades away, will my heart fade away too?" That line refers to her powers. The character possesses extraordinary powers, and can command all of the other monsters and demons in existence (She's like the 'queen bee' in some strange way
4. Her soul is described as "fickle", because she is an... unstable character. Though she can appear calm at most times, her mental state is a mess (to normal humans. Not really to her or any other non-human beings). "When my Heart leads me back home, Will it shatter, or stay whole?" Immediately after she generates the floating glass city, she places a curse on it that can never be broken-- no one with a wavering heart can enter. Not even herself. At one point in the story, this character meets another human girl (It'll take too long to explain why she left her city. Maybe I'll put up this story someday..), who accepted her despite her being a Daemon. This wakes up something in her soul that she never knew about before. Character is now divided-- to remain with the other girl until the end, or leave before she can be hurt? Character suddenly realizes that her heart has faltered in its resignation-- brightness was invading the darkness she was so familiar with. Because of this, she was never able to return to the home in the sky that she loved so much. And the character understood also, that if she were to turn back and try to enter the glass city again, her heart would probably break.
5. The last verse is self-explanatory.
So yeah. It's a very long story, and the such. This character has been one of my favorites for a long time. Sadly, I never wrote the whole story down.. maybe I should...
Anyways, thanks for reviewing, and I'll see you around.
Thanks for explaining! Your poem makes a lot more sense to me now.
I must say, you did splendid on this. Your concept, the way you made the words flow, just EVERYTHING about this is great. Excellent, actually. From what I can tell, there isn't even anything wrong with it. Your grammar is magnificent, I must say, and the details you included really expressed what you were trying to get to with this. The periods in between the stanzas was different, to be honest, but it was a good different. I like the unique form of this. Your metaphors caught my eye(s), too, and the way they were joined to go with the concept of the poem was just fantastic.
Now, if I had to choose my MOST favorite part, it'd have to be:
"There is a song beyond your skies
It’s where my own destiny lies
Crystal clear like my heart of glass
But how long will the melody last?"
It's the one that stuck out to me the most, because of the figurative language and I actually really, really enjoyed the last line. How long WILL the melody last? It's inevitable: you're a genius. You're also an amazing writer, and I honestly can't wait to see more from you.
Hello there, friend! Thanks so much for reviewing my poem QvQ (I'm crying tears of happiness here
) And thank you for the praises, you have just made my day! XD Also, hilariously enough, my writing is notorious for its grammar. Every time my essays come back graded they're always covered with ink pointing out grammar mistakes... QvQ Oh well, I will work harder! Thank you for reviewing, and I will be looking forward to hearing from you again in the future~
I'm glad you like it.
p.s. That stanza is also one that I'm pretty proud of!
Ash, yay! I'm glad you liked my review.
HEY
It's a lovely poem I must say. It describes the situation where our heart has to suffer a lot. you know in life it must to get a fact that we all have to go through hardships but to sustain in race we need to be positive enough to reach our goal. In life it is easy go give up but to show your actual strength the one has to cross every hurdle with a smile on their face. The person is strong when he/she is emotionally stable or can even feel happy in his loneliness. Life is too short to be sad so GET UP, GO OUT and SMILE as the world is full of sorrow and the nature or earth needs a SMILE because what a smile can bring is the eternal happiness.
Hi hi hi, friend! Thank you for your kind words! However, this poem isn't meant to be a poem that described overcoming hardships (ehehe... sorry ^w^'). Rather, it's the theme of one of my characters, who is a Daemon and therefore is unfamiliar with human emotions. She seeks seclusion, and longs for her own little paradise. In the story, she created an entire kingdom out of glass, floating above the clouds like Laputa (from the Studio Ghibli movie
). It symbolizes some sort of loneliness. But, thanks for reviewing my poem! I will look forward to seeing you again in the near future~