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16+ Language Violence

The Variants

by ConstantineCondor


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

“Laschius eleven: in position. Kalfium eleven: preparing.”

The deep voice came from the intercom system just above 04’s head, right next to the camera mounted on the wall. His team checked and raised their rifles, preparing for the doors in front of them to open.

KA11-04 aimed his rifle at the blast door to the production room, behind which he knew his fate lay. His three team members flanked him, 02 on his right and 03 on his left, with his commander, 01, behind him. He awaited the opening of the doors, anticipating what he might find on the other side.

He knew what would be there. A newly produced variant. Out of the one hundred test tubes inside the room, one would successfully create a living and stable variant. The variant would go through it’s paroxysm, during which it would be unstable and elusive. It would have full control of its powers, though it wouldn’t know how to use them effectively.

He knew what to do. His job, simply put, was to capture it in a net, tranquilize it, then transport it to the containment crate in the middle of the room. From the crate, it would be moved via drone to a safe location for its holding. He was to evacuate the production room with his squad for decontamination and three full rotations of sleep and rest in his quarters as a reward.

He knew how to do his job. For twelve years since he had graduated from the Containment and Studies Institution, he had been training with his fireteam for five hours every rotation. He knew the training room like the back of his hand, and the production room had an identical layout.

He, one of his team members, or one of the members of the other fireteam that would be entering from the side opposite he would be coming in were to net the variant by shooting it with their modified rifles. Then, either his commander or LA11-01, the commander of the other fireteam, would tranquilize the Variant before they contained it in the box in the middle of the production room.

The one thing that KA11-01 didn’t know was, quite frankly, the future. From his past experiences in training exercises, his mind seemed to want to feel the familiar feeling of safety that he always felt when he entered the training room. But he realized that this time that he would be entering an actual dangerous situation, one he actually might not make it out of.

“Production underway.”

04 recalled one day of training just rotations ago that was most likely the cause of his sudden fear. He and his team had been training with a retired commander that had used to be in his own containment unit. The man had been missing a leg but had a prosthetic attached.

The way that he had explained it, it had been the result of a bizarre training accident involving his net rifle and a new prototype of netting capsule. However, during the discussion, 04 recalled the veteran looking uneasy, with his eyes downcast in a suspicious way that made 04 wonder whether or not the man was telling the full truth. How could a malfunction of a net capsule result in a severed leg?

Then, further proof came to back 04’s hypothesis. While the veteran was describing how to catch the Variants without any mishaps, he said the word injury. Injury. Why would the team have to worry about receiving any injuries if they were going into a non-dangerous situation? The question bothered 04, especially when he put it into context with the prosthetic that the veteran wore.

Despite this, 04 didn’t ask questions. He wasn’t supposed to unless needed too, and even with the case he had; he doubted that he would do anything more than draw unwanted attention to himself.

04 pulled a quick glance to KA11-02 on his right. Behind her transparent visor, 04 could see her relaxed face. She looked confident, perhaps too much so. Everyone around him seemed excited, not frightened and tense as he was. After all, this was their first containment mission. They seemed happy to be out of the regular old routine of drills and training, and into their first mission, through which they could show their potential as a team.

04 could feel the sweat on the back of his head, dripping from his hairline, down his, neck, before soaking into his uniform. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins, and his spine tingled with a weird itchy feeling. The corners of his visor were starting to condense from the sweat that clung to his eyebrows. He tensed up, breathing hard.

A gloved hand touched his shoulder, and 04 flinched. He turned back slightly, looking behind him. It was just his commander, 01.

“You’ll be alright 04. Keep it together. We’ll be done before you know it. Stay sharp.”

04 nodded, turning back to the door. His commander’s words comforted him slightly, but he still didn’t feel safe, even with his fireteam surrounding him and his rifle in hand.

“KA11 and LA11, prepare for entrance.”

No matter what, though, he knew that he would have to face his fears. Just as 01 said, it would be alright. His reflexes would keep him alive even if there was something dangerous on the other side of the door, he would be safe with his group. He had a simple job to do, and there was no way in hell that some minor stage fright was going to stop him.

The door opened.


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30 Reviews


Points: 3390
Reviews: 30

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Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:50 pm
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jster02 wrote a review...



I have a habit of reading the reviews other people have done on a piece before writing one of my own, to ensure that I don't repeat anything that's already been said. When I looked at the previous review I noticed you were planning on rewriting this chapter, which put me in a bit of a bind because what's the point of reviewing something if the author plans to discard it? Well, I'm obviously still here, because I think there is still a benefit to be had from feedback, as it can be applied to your next work instead of this one. Also because I rather like the premise of this, and I'm interested to see more.

I found it interesting that the characters have numbers for names, almost as if they're clones or something. It makes you wonder if these people had a past, or if they were just born in the lab, to be treated no different from robots or kitchen appliances. I certainly hope you expand upon their past in the next installment. (Unless I misinterpreted something and they really are just there by choice. But even then, I suppose there'd be plenty of interesting backstory there). Anyways, as much as I liked it, I noticed some things that you may want to consider when you rewrite this.

The whole chapter felt like an info dump. You told us all the backstory up front instead of weaving it into the story. What you might of done is have a briefing scene or something like that, where all the important stuff is discussed. That way, there's at least there's something going on instead of just backstory. (I assume this was the reason you decided to rewrite this. Even so, I wouldn't call this wasted effort. Now that you've written out some of the backstory, you'll have a greater understanding of it once you rewrite).

I also had a question about the organization that trained up the protagonist. Why would they lie about the danger? The recruits are going to find out anyways after their first mission. I get that they don't want to scare away recruits, but couldn't they just quit after the first mission anyways? You might already have an explanation for this though, so if there's more to it, or I just misunderstood, (which is likely), feel free to ignore this paragraph. In fact, you're free to ignore this entire review if you want. After all it's your story. I'm just some random guy on the internet.

I have nothing else to say, really. This is pretty good so far, and hope to see more of it. (Even if you're just going to rewrite it). You've really piqued my interest. Anyways, I think I'm finished. Have a good day, and I hope to see you around the site!

-Jster




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Mon Apr 08, 2019 9:17 pm



I kind of regret that I put the rating for this at 16+. It doesn’t suit this chapter at all. At the very most, this should be rated 12+ or something. But don’t worry. Further chapters will deserve their 16+ ratings. Stuff may get a little confusing and/or chaotic in the future, and I’ll be doing little to no explaining. For now though, I gotta write some reviews.






Why the feck are their three of these comments?



EternalRain says...


Hey - I%u2019m a mod here on YWS. It%u2019s a bug - it happens sometimes. No worries though! I went ahead and deleted the other two comments. :)





Thanks.



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Sun Apr 07, 2019 6:47 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey! Che here for a review :-)

I will start by saying that this isn't the usual type of genre I will read but it captured me eye! So bare with me :-) I'll start by just pointing out any areas I think could do with some improvements.


behind which he knew his fate lay

I would probably rephrase this as "which he knew his fate lay behind"

This three fellow team members flanked him, 02 on his right and 03 on his left, with his commander, 01, behind him.

I assume you meant "His three fellow team...."

Out of the one hundred test tubes inside the room, one would successfully create a living and stable variant

I would rephrase this as "One would have successfully created a...." it just reads better

and three full rotations of sleep and rest in his quarters as a reward.

I think this would make more sense if you said "and then get three full rotations ..."

For twelve years since he had graduated from the Containment and Studies Institution,

I would say "for the twelve years..."

He, one of his team members, or one of the members of the other fireteam that would be entering from the side opposite he would be coming in were to net the variant by shooting it with their modified rifles.

This is a pretty long and confusing sentence. I recommend changing it to something like: "One of his team members, or one of the other fireteam members from the opposite side were to net..." or something similar

his mind seemed to want to feel the familiar feeling of safety that he always felt when

You've used feel, feeling and felt all in one sentence and it makes it quite confusing. I would recommend just playing around with this sentence until it sounds a little better.

04 recalled one day of training just rotations ago that was most likely the cause of his sudden fear

I would probably say "just a few rotations ago"

and even with the case he had, he doubted that he would do anything more than draw unwanted attention to himself.

I would put a semi-colon after "he had"

not frightened and tense as he was

It makes more sense to say "not as frightened and as tense as he was"

And like hell, some minor stage fright was going to stop him.

This could be re-worked as something like "And hell, no minor stage fright was going to stop him" just so it makes a bit more sense.

Right, now that's done, let's move onto all the good stuff!

Like I said previously; this isn't my regular cup of tea, however I really enjoyed it. The whole way through, you kept the atmosphere really tense and I felt as though I was poor 04! You had some really superb description in there and I think structurally it was amazing! Some sentences were pretty long but you did have shorter ones to balance it out. I particularly loved the ending. It just had a big impact on me!

I would love to know more about these characters and what they were going up against, etc.

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)






Unfortunately, I%u2019m planning on starting up again from a completely different part of the story. That being said, these characters aren%u2019t exactly here to stay. But don%u2019t worry, I%u2019ll throw in some stuff to jazz it up that will hint at what will happen. For now, though, I got to do some reviews.





Wait what the crap happened to my response



4revgreen says...


Ah, I can't wait for the new stuff. And yeh, sometimes YWS messes up comments like that





So far, my week really sucks. Lots of stuff has been happening, and recently, my Ipad completely broke down. Henceforth, I shall be using the crappy outdated computer that my mom owns for a while, or at least until I can get my Ipad to work. Because of all the technical difficulties, schoolwork, and my natural laziness, The next chapter will take a while. Please try to bear with me on this.



4revgreen says...


ah don't worry




Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
— Henry David Thoreau