Published March 26, 2007
We are hurtling through the universe,
on the star expressway,
moving a thousand light years a minute,
the world as we know it is a pile of nothingness,
history gone, humanity erased.
They are all gone,
we are the survivors,
we are the last of mankind from earth.
It's are own fault we blew ourselves up.
we are ones who caused all this pain...
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141,455 Literary Works • 674,469 Reviews
Some of it should be fixed up... You over used commas, to the max. Look at it as sentences, and punctuation it. (Poetry & Punctuation)
Some lines just didn't make sense to me, or should have been rewritten.
It's are fault we blew ourselves up.
We are the ones who cause all of this pain [period, not ..., though it's effective to give a feeling, I don't really think it is needed]
It wasn't that bad of a poem, just not my kind of poem. I couldn't really get into it, there was nothing about the poem that made me have a reaction, feel an emotion, or think differently. I couldn't relate or connect, so it kind of lacked in that field. Maybe if you rewrote it, focusing more on the readers perception of the poem, it would work out better.
Nice, though.
I think this poem is quite good although it needs more information and description.
who is telling the story, where are they going, what is the star expressway?
The best line was "history gone, humanity erased"
MUCH better than your other work "fire" at least this one sort of made sense
Keep on writing
I would just like to point out that ConorR is my brother if you don't believe me ask him although he might deny it. But seriously we are related and i got him into this site.
I also like the line
farewell..