Published March 2, 2009
Hi, I wrote this about two years back, It's more like prose than a short story or poetry.
Little Red Riding Hood is running away. Bewitched branches grabs at her cloak. She's had enough, wandered off the path. No longer going to her destination, but running carelessly. Her red hood, a strong contrast against the black woods.
Atlast she falls, her trembling legs gave way. Her perfect porcelain face no longer holds a smile. The sparkle in her eyes, long gone. As she clutches the spinning ground, a wail escapes her throat.
So innocent, so, so innocent, yet, not valued. Thoughts, memories, tramples her mind, threatening to run away with her heart. The world tumbles and turns around her, no longer in control. She has no control.
Different feelings screams for a chance to be let out, straining to be set free. A flood of knowledge runs coldly over her. She's drowning, drowning in her own knowledge. Drowning in her own heart, her own wisdom.
Her innocence seems cracked by the soft feather of responsibility, the tempting flower of reality.
Cunning yellow eyes watches from a distance. A lustful grin displays a set of shining teeth. A tongue dripping, dripping licks his leathery lips. Paws, claws revealed when he gently steps through the curtain of shadows. He snarls with pleasure at the whiff of misery. . .the show has begun.
The wolf's ears twitches from side to side, as he relishes every sob, every wail, every single tear being soaked up by the thirsty ground. Reality is stalking closer, closer. Feelings promises to smother her and she searches for the shadow of shadows, the one who drove her to the edge. As the grim reaper of her death towers over her, the wind screams mournfully through the trees.
The heavens slowly opens up their heart and starts weeping with Little Red Riding Hood. Shadows dances dangerously in his eyes.
As she feels the ice cold grip of death closing around her neck, sweet, innocent Little Red Riding Hood at last feels the feeling. Loneliness. The cunning master, the one who drove her to madness, who drove her into the embrace of death.
As his teeth makes the slightest cut, and a lightning bolt strikes, the world truly goes pitch black, and she is thrown into the merciless pit. . .of darkness. . .
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Yeah, thanks
I have been told a few times I repeat too much, I should really try and fix it hehe. Do remember that I wrote this a whole while back, but thanks for your reveiw everything you say is true. Oh and yeah, I haven't met another South African on this website yet, so it is pretty cool 
Hi ConfusingSillyLittleGirl
It's nice to know that I'm not the only South African here. I don't really think I've seen you around, but I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.
You write pretty well. But enough talk, let's begin the review.
This should be "grab" rather than "grabs".
Perhaps, "She no longer runs to her destination, but she continues to carelessly run, her red hood a silhouette against the black woods."
Should be "At last".
Perhaps, "The sparkle in her eyes has long since disappeared, and as she clutches the spinning ground, a wail escapes her throat.
I would slice the "so so innocent". Perhaps you could slice the first sentence, and write, "Thoughts, memories trample her mind, threatening to run away with her heart."
Scream, not screams.
Watch, not watches.
The heaven slowly opens it's heart. And Shadows dance, not dances.
Okay, those are the nitpicks. What don't I like about your writing? Well for one, there is far too much repetition. You could put that space to so much better use. Secondly, in attempt to open your story up to the general public, in attempt to make sure that us idiots understand it, you explain yourself. Allow us to take it at face value, if we can't see what's beneath the surface. Finally, you want to keep our attention a little more viciously. You had a story, but it didn't have the suspense necessary to make us jump out of our seats. I understand that this wasn't its purpose, but I still feel that had more effort been placed in this area, it would have been better.
You write well; you show us a story. On the whole, this is a really nice piece.
Have a good one!