Is there any typos or other mistakes? Just wondering!
I cant pretend to understand what I’m doing.
If it looks as if I don’t know where to walk next – it’s true.
If it looks like my paths have veered into the unknown – perhaps they have.
I don’t know my own heart. Only God does.
For the time being, I can look no further into the emptiness.
Forgive me if it looks as if I do not care, because I truly do.
If all hope of ever returning to prier paths is lost, then I know not what to do.
Perhaps all order will prevail… but maybe it won’t.
Forgive me if I continue to act in such a cowardly manor.
My aim is not one of dislike, but of courage.
If I can’t have courage, I do not deserve your trust.
Forgive me for my failing personality…
For I may never forgive myself.
Forgive me… forgive me for not being me.
My path is not entirely clear.
God alone knows were to turn.
Let me follow his hand.
And love you like my sister.
Until I know which path to continue.
And which path to not.
If I follow Him… I will never truly fail.
PS: if you didn’t understand a word I just said, don’t worry. Maybe one day…
All will be clear…
This is what’s going on in my mind.
It may have looked like I was just sitting by doing nothing. But I haven’t…. I’ve been thinking….
I try to understand the minds of others.
But it rips me up inside… because your mind is deep in the unknown--
-Jordan C.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Commando588- this is a very hard piece to read. Not just because of the odd structure, but that there are too many ideas left unsolved in the first part to maintain interest. Take a look at this:
There's too much repetition. It left me feeling slightly exasperated by the end of it.
Although the second half of the poem is much better. It's a breath of fresh air after the 'wall' of text beforehand. I would perhaps suggest that you either cut this into two separate poems or loose the first half altogether. Just an idea though.
Your thoughts and concepts seem a bit scattered, was this wrote in a rush? I think it has potiental, as there are some phliosophical ideas raised, although I'm not quite sure what to make of:
Anyway, those are just my interpretations and advice. Feel free to disregard!
Hope and Best Wishes,
Eimear xx
Is there any typos or other mistakes? Just wondering!
-Yes. Yes there is!
I cant pretend to understand what I’m doing.
-can't
I understand this poem to an extent. Yay!
Oh! ....Never mind. This is very good. I have to say I think most of us now the meaning of fail but don't quite understand it. Thanks for the beautiful poem.