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Congratulations on third place! Here is your review prize!

First of all- the ideas are the best things about this piece. I can already see that the ideas you have about the character Ethelred and his Satanic qualities have already triggered some intriguing comments and debates in the review section, and that's a fantastic thing. Some of the best stories are the ones that get people thinking and discussing with their friends.

Although, it is a little vague- Ethelred seems to lack motivation for tormenting Wendy, other than because he's Satan and therefore evil and because it's fun. I understand completely that this is part of a larger piece, make no mistake, but if that's the case then you really should write this larger piece (or, if you already have, I apologise profoundly and will attempt to seek it out to answer your questions!).

That's not to say Ethelred isn't a poor character; anything but. Before he transforms into this beast, I presume it's meant to represent his "true form" as the Devil, his maliciousness is subtle and delicious. He's a smooth talker, one of those villains that you "love to hate", simply because their badness is so entertaining. And then his schizophrenic transformation into this horrible creature is wonderful; you really get a sense of how wild this character is.

Having said this, you shouldn't accidentally make the protagonist a weaker character because of how effective the villain is- you've managed to escape this very well by making Wendy quite a strong character, but you must watch out in future for villains that are so good that they make the hero less interesting.

Overall, this was thoroughly entertaining, and very scary and suspenseful. A well deserved contest placing!

This is really good. I like how he says that she should believe in him right before he reveals himself. One thing I wondered...does she know Ethelred personally in her real life? Had she actually been given a red lace dress? Or was her dream just creating imaginary fantasies which your sleeping mind can't help but believe? Or something in her mind was creating them...
Anyway. Good story. Awesome wording and pace. Very captivating and powerful. basically, it's champion. :]

For me, the focus of this story is faithlessness. If you do not believe in the Devil, it won't save you from him.

why wouldn't Satan just continue the dream so she feels out of her mind and doesn't seek help from anyone who may love her, because she thinks she is crazy?

I see where you're going. : )

I know what you mean about the story seemingly to be out of Satan's character. These aren't based on my own personal experiences, but I have encountered what I believe to be demons in flesh. I have been confronted by wicked forces, and Satan is very real to me. I think that's why I express it so candidly here.

For me, the focus of this story is faithlessness. If you do not believe in the Devil, it won't save you from him.

I know, but you know me. I like to pick apart things to death. Also, I don't doubt that he is powerful... trust me! You do not mess with demons. At all. But, at the same time, it seems like he can't be that powerful, as long as we put our trust in the true Advocate, aka Jesus Christ.

So, I don't know... with regards to your story, if that horrible thing was happening to me, I would call out for anybody whom I think would be able to help, and that would definitely be God. So, by putting Wendy through such intense suffering, I am not sure why Satan would actually want to do this. Have you read "The Screwtape Letters" or seen the movie "Bedazzled"? In those two pieces, Satan rejects putting them through real suffering... instead, he relies on the tedium of every day life to really make things bad and to tempt those to reject their lives into something fake -- after all, he is a deceiver. For me, when I am the most in pain, I am the closest to God... it is when pain isn't real that I start concentrating on my own imaginary woes and get farther away from God, if that makes sense. And I know many other people feel the same way. So it's just odd... why wouldn't Satan just continue the dream so she feels out of her mind and doesn't seek help from anyone who may love her, because she thinks she is crazy?

And, in the bible, the serpent isn't actually categorized as Satan, so I am not sure how that quite works. If he were a powerful angel, why would he want to stoop down to be a serpent's level, if his primary fault is pride? I am not sure that Satan is all of those people and I think it may just be a translation that groups those demons as Satan. >.>

Who did you think Satan was?

I never thought Satan equalled God in any form or way. However, Satan BELIEVES he is better than God. That is what began the war between good and evil. God is infinitely more glorious, more loving, more good, more holy, more powerful, more beautiful, more merciful, more wonderful, more mighty than Satan. But, Satan is very powerful. I think it foolish to deny his ability, not in a "worship his might" sense, but just to beware it. Satan is the destroyer of mankind. He is the one who has stained God's children with sin. It is his power and beauty that gave him pride, that made him vain.

The Bible calls Satan by many different names. Each name has a slightly different meaning. The many other names for Satan give a fuller picture of who Satan is and what he does. There are more names for Satan in the Bible than for anyone else except Jesus Christ.

Accuser
Adversary
Angel of Light
Angel of the Bottomless Pit
Anointed Covering Cherub
Antichrist
Beast
Deceiver
Destroyer
Devil
Dragon
Enemy
Evil one
Father of Lies
God of This Age
King of the Bottomless Pit
Lawless One
Leviathan
Liar
Lord of Air and Darkness
Lucifer
Man of Sin
Murderer
Roaring Lion
Ruler of Demons
Ruler of This World
Son of Perdition
Son of the Morning
Star
Tempter
Thief
Wicked One

From Isaiah:

How you have fallen from heaven,
Lucifer, son of the morning!
You have been cast down to the earth,
you who once laid low the nations!
You said in your heart,
"I will ascend to the heavens;
I will raise my throne
above the stars of God;
I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly,
on the utmost heights of Mount Zion.
I will ascend above the tops of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High.”
But you are brought down to the realm of the dead,
to the depths of the pit.

...

And, by the way, this is just a story. It's simply religious fiction.

I don't get it though... where as Satan in the bible, as the fallen most power angel, or did I miss something big? It doesn't seem quite accurate. I mean, I know he's in the Qu'ran, but in the bible? Where?

And, even IF Satan is the most glorious being, etc., etc., there is no way in hell (pardon the expression) that he could ever match up with God, ever. That's completely impossible.

And yes, real is one thing... but in dreams, we are completely vulnerable. The physical realm is the one where people are connected with each other through love, and that makes his power a lot more powerful to use -- as long as we have love, we're okay. It's complete isolation (especially with the vulnerability in the dream world) that makes it that much more terrifying.

Don't forget that Satan is a divine being. Satan wasn't altered when he fell from heaven. He is still the most powerful of God's angels. He is still the most glorious. Satan's power isn't just in decieving. Satan has unimaginable divine abilities, as all angels do.

Also, Ethelred doesn't just exist in Wendy's dreams. He's real.

Yay for answered questions!

1. You should definitely write your larger piece then! And, he seems to be a pretty lame demon after all... they're only powerful when they have the cover of deception on them. If they don't have deception, they have truth, and... well... that sucks for them, doesn't it?

2. Yeah, but why would Satan have control of fire, in such a magical way? That's my problem... it seems that he is a divine being when really he is a deceiver.

3. Being stuck in a dream world is worse, I think... in any case, now she has the opportunity to get herself healed and stuff. I say he can do better, lol!

Hey, Snoink! I’m glad you liked my story. I’ll answer your questions:

1. Why is Satan showing his identity? In my larger piece, I make this clearer. He does this because he wants Wendy to put up a fight. He sees it as a game. He wants Wendy to try to pry herself from his grip, and at the last moment, when she has hope, he will smother her. Crush her.

2. Why does the Devil posses the ability to manipulate fire? I just saw it as a form of witchcraft. I’ve always seen fire as a Godly thing. The thing is, Satan wants to BE God. Have you noticed Satan has his own Trinity? Satan, the Antichrist, and the False Prophet (But, of course, it’s not an equal Trinity. Satan is always in power). Satan tries to make himself into God. Why not use one of God’s symbols and corrupt it?

In the larger piece of mine, one of my characters, Reverend Sirius, comments on the vampire-like creatures in my story called “Them”: “Blood is such a powerful symbol in Scripture. It seems only appropriate that They would come to pervert it and turn it into a symbol of lust.”

3. How does Wendy release herself from the torment? I never thought she did. When she awakens from her nightmare and feels the bite marks on her neck, and sees the blood, I feel like it’s only just begun.

Hi HaydenSmith!

This reminds me of a story I wrote several years back, so I am a bit partial to the topic already!

Okay... just a couple of things!

1. Why is Satan so ready to show off his identity? I mean, why would he want to? He has everything he wants... he has deceived her in every possible way to follow him and she does so willingly. In effect, he has completely turned her away from God. Why does he want to possibly spoil this?

2. Why is fire used and why does the devil possess fire? One of the reasons why fire is so commonly depicted in hell is because it is a symbol of God's manifestation of love. Because of His love, he burns through the sins, if that makes sense. That's why you have God burning all the bits of the vineyard that don't produce fruit... that's why you have tongues of flame descend on his disciples. So, fire is a very Godly symbol. Why would Satan possess this and, moreover, control it?

3. How does she even stop this torment? This is more of a personal nitpick, but one time a couple of years ago, I heard all these weird voices, and I swear I thought I was going to go insane because they were inside my head and they were NOT nice at all. And the more I begged and pleaded for them to go away, the louder they became. It was only when I thought, "Oh God, help me!" did the voices suddenly become silent... like, spooky silent. It was eerie, but it was a miracle and such a beautiful, beautiful thing. So, the torment only stopped through God. What makes him stop here?

Anyway, interesting story. It'll be neat to see what you do with it!

Hmmm... that was the the most interesting tale of...this nature... that I have ever read.

So, I have to ask, is the the devil, Red, a vampire or just... acting like one?

I got chills when he started talking about God! I must say I love the way you introduced to concept of angels, God and the devil. Using the fact that the devil believes in God was very interesting!

Keep writing,
~FW~

I loved this. The revisions made it even better, and I have my fingers crossed for a novel!

Just some quick notes first:
The first time when I mentioned the stuff about 'air and shadows', I didn't know it was a reference to Satan. Haven't really read the Bible myself. So if people get the reference, it's a great point. Just make sure that new people understand the reference.

The name-- Ethelred Antonescu. Antonescu is Romanian? I didn't know that. Now it makes more sense.

Now onto the review!

The moon glinted off his boots.

Wendy found his eyes. They were searching her, drinking her in. “I see you’re wearing the dress I gave to you. Do you like it?” His beautiful lips curled. He ignored her remark.

Wendy wore a red lace dress. Its slim straps barley clung to her thin shoulders. The dress fell in a billowing skirt around her knees. She was also sporting brown leather combat boots.

Wendy’s heart stopped. God? What did Red know about God? Wendy had known Red for a long time, and he was no religious man. “God?” Her eyes narrowed.

Wendy shook her head. “No.” Her eyes were intently focused on Red, trying to read his reaction. She thought she saw a smile creep upon his lips.

Wendy was bemused by his question. Weren’t God and the Devil in the same category? If one did not believe in God, then shouldn’t it be obvious that they do not believe in the Devil? Wendy thought it was a trick question. “Should I, Red?” She was irritated.

A chill raced up her spine, her skin tingled.

Red lifted his limp arms and by some form of sorcery made a blazing fire ignite from the air.

Then, in a blink of an eye, he disappeared into the wind without a trace.

It felt like razors slashing the flesh upon her neck. She squirmed in Red’s grip and shrieked.

Wendy finally managed to tear herself free from his grip. She whirled around to face him and her hand flew to her neck. Hot blood seeped through her fingers. Red had bitten her.

Her blood was smeared across his chin and mouth.

Horror shed its wrath through her body. She was going to die.

Her heart was beating furiously in her chest. Her pulse was racing.

She reached over to her bedside table. She found a match and lit a candle.

Across her sheets and her pillow was a dark, shimmering crimson stain. It filled her eyes with its presence. She covered her mouth with a hand to keep from screaming. It was blood.

Wendy quickly touched the skin of her neck. Her fingers brushed over something wet and jagged. Her flesh was upturned and scarred just below her ear.