Bang Bang Bang, Every step you take shoots fear down,
There is invisible net, no one tries to leave this town
They wanna tell you, you were born without wings
but you know in your heart you were meant for bigger things
The comforts are the cage,
they hope you never see the bars.
In the book of your life this is just a page
So dont stop shooting for the stars.
Open your eyes its soul brutality,
Culture trains you to accept defeat.
Look down at where your shoes used to be,
You've got two locamotives instead of feet.
"Its just city after city,
different countries but they're all the same".
"When you come home and dont have any money
You will only have yourself to blame"
I can see so brightly in your eyes, the person your going to be.
You go chase those sunny beachs, beautiful oceans and skies so clear...
If the world is so small and there is nothing out there to see,
Then how come we hear the phrase so much,
"I wish you were here".
The End
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
First of all it's nothing I haven't read before and failed at impressing me or showing me something new.
About the rhyming scene, it's basically spread all over. You're first stanza starts with: aabb, all your next stanza's show the charateristic of : abab and you chose to end with an : abacb.
You seem to have a lack of capitalazition as well. For example :
The use of capitalization there is very inconsistent, not to mention your capitalization in your further stanza's at the beginning of -almost- every line. Try working on that.
Other than that, your usage of "slang" such as "wanna" isn't going to form a great aspect towards your poetry.
This stanza for example
shows you've got some potential hiding there, but the way you bring it forward seems to be the fracture.
Overall I found it a bond of overused sentences where some of them stick out -in a good way- but fail to retrieve a connection with the rest. I could allmost speak of forced rhyming here but can't find my assurance towards that. A lack of capitalization and some minor spelling mistakes.
Cheerios, Chandni