A gentle breeze came sweeping by
screaming volumes in my ear
reminding me of lullabys and the different views
just a short thought from here
and i began to run through dark woods and beyond all full formed thoughts
i was immediatly entertained by all the coulds woulds and oughts
as the forest so twisted and dark seemed to pose the perfect home
only the image of a great fire remained being fueled by a throne
see the hooded reaper and open for embrace
take the bow and close the curtains with your choice and all your grace
judgement seems to fade in hiensight
the moon looks down to simply turn the tides
these pillars were built from the gutters
and therefore their height surpass no others
on the ground or in the skies altittude is a state of mind
as the grain runs through the glass leaving oppurtunity far behind
everyday the floor seems to grow in distance from the top of my bed
only the paint brush in my hand ever makes me lift my head
still choaked up and dry in the throat from supposed humanity
we live in a global dump of wasted possibility
and when your asked by the sea and the stars you must learn to be free
pull out that old paint brush wipe it clean and shout "NOT ME!".
The End
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no problem but you will notice that i said "as the forest so twisted and dark seemed to pose the perfect home" meaning while i was in the forest i nearly settled in..."only the image" <------ image meaning i was seeing it but it doesnt mean it was there and i dont think you need to know me personally to lok further into my metaphores i think its more a case that i simple do not write about walking down the street or a conversation with a friend i try to make those simple things more magical or clearer on a emotional level by telling those storys through metaphores
Thanks for clearing up the metaphor Cloud_Stepping, I can see it now. I think that the reason I don't see your metaphors straight away is because your metaphors are something that relates directly to you.
When analysing published authors, the metaphors etc may be very obscure but you will have some sort of history about the person which will make the poem easier to understand.
Can I just point out that when reading over this part I did think that it was a metaphor,
But you make a sudden jump to the next line,
But you never mention the forest disappearing or anything like that, so is this in the "forest" or what?
I don't mean to criticise any of your work in a harsh manner, I only mean to give constructive criticism. Sorry if I came over as attacking.
the forest is symbolic of a bad state of mind and the line saying "as the forest seemed to pose the perfect home" meaning how we can get caught up in the darkness and settle into a permenant bad state of mind and then the line after "only the image of a great fire remained being fueled by a throne" is about the only thing that pulled me out of the negative state of mind was my anger towards people who put themselves on a throne and i wanted to burn those metaphorical thrones so that was my drive to pull myself out of the bad state of mind. and the "bow and close the curtain with your choice" means chosing when you leave this earth or when you end your life and it being your choice and with "all your grace" because there is alot more ungraceful ways to leave if you dont choose how you die
Interesting contrast you create here.
Not sure exactly what you meant here, is the forest and metaphorical forest, a real one. Is it somehow symbolic. I can't quite tell what's happening.
Don't think that choice and grace go well, if it's a choice then grace seems superlative.
You make some good use of rhyme in the poem, like you do in the other poems you wrote. I think that sometimes you word choice is a bit awkward and makes it harder for the reader to understand exactly what's going on. I'm not sure if you've loaded the poem with symbolism or if it's to be read as it is.