A is For
I.
It begins as a thought that
sparks across the space between
each ear, and I have to hunt it down,
dash wild around my brain until
I pounce and catch it,
stuff it back behind
some garbage about
meditations and breathing and
bending and dieting and
associating and non-attachment.
II.
Oh – damn – cynicism
doesn't work, let's consider
this thought slightly more:
it's babbling about the future,
fanatic dissections of moments
that become millisecond snapshots
in which I smile, speak, listen,
associate, feel, feel, keep feeling
and the thought is spinning fast
enough I hardly remember
the next step.
III.
Breathe, that's right, we always
need to keep this consistent,
coherence is what I strive to make
adherence to –
says the old man in the leather chair,
his knees bent, my hands kneading;
suddenly I find myself thinking
about oxygen when certain people
speak to me about next year,
“Yes? Excuse me, I need oxygen.”
IV.
The next step, positive association
finding feelings to pour down my spine
in accordance with the booklets I read
and the cassette tapes listened to
about breathing and associating,
bringing me away from the thought,
in order to stop the chase,
the duck and cover, freeze,
breathe, associate dance
that is cognitive therapy.
V.
Oh – damn – back to cynicism,
down into the doubt that's craftier
than the cheery booklets and cassettes
that tell me the value
of a slow heart rate.
This means neuroticism
will remain rampant –
what advice can I give?
Children, don't be born
with a badly built brain.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Clo!
I first read this a while ago, actually, but didn't feel as if I could give you a good review on it. But I noticed it in the featured works today and decided to give it another try.
Like Suzanne said, when I read it, I could feel the panic - the rush of half-thoughts and frantic breathing. Every word was there for a reason. You didn't waste time with fluffy bits of filler and misplaced metaphors. You got right down to the human part of it, and that's what I liked about it: that every single word was something that I'd been feeling but didn't myself know how to say.
I can relate to this, and it actually made me tear up a bit at the end. Great job.
Oh wow, thanks a lot everyone.
I was planning on making a few changes to it, but I'm glad everyone liked it so much!
Psychologically pitch perfect.
I absolutely loved your approach. It felt as if you wrote this brilliant prose and then poetically enhanced it. It was artistic in every sense. Thank you for sharing that with us, it made my week. I read it over and over again. It's as another poster noted, you put careful thought into every detail and I totally appreciate that.
Hello Clo!
Like the others, I was very much impressed with this poem. This isn't one of my favorite poems on YWS, it's one of my favorite poems of all time, and that's saying a lot, considering that I don't like most poetry.
Every line was wondrous and felt important, not just filler to make the poem seem longer. I like the rhythm and the flow of this poem; it's quite catchy.
PM me if you post something new, okay? I'd definitely like to see more of your work. You've got great talent.
-Elinor
I am more than happy to be here, reading one of your poems!
And it's certainly not a dribble! A masterpiece. Thank you for sharing!
And aren't I satisfied. This is a beautiful artwork, as you always give. As the others said, every line has a purpose. More over, your words are put together so that I can feel the trouble breathing, the rush, the chaos, the panic. I can see between the words the anxiety - not only see it but relate to it and it starts making me panic. It's pure brilliance.
Your ending is just perfect. I can't review this. All I can do is praise it. Maybe it helps that I've had anxiety too and so I could relate to all this without the poem - but the poem still does everything in it's power (and it uses it wisely!) to make me feel. You win major points, but you already knew that.
Now, you make me wish I haven't written in a year, and that I could actually write some sort of dribble of poetry, but I have I feeling I can't. I'm at least glad you can.
Wow. That was brilliant, I love all of it nothing to criticise
Hey there
Like icanbefixed, all I can really say to you is WOW!
If I could write like this, I would have a darn good rave around my living room
Considering I can't find anything to critique about this poem, I'm not going to! I couldn't if I tried, to be honest!
So, yeah. Basically, keep up the good work!
I'll be looking out for some more of your posts from now on
Keep writing!
Meg xoxo
this is work of a higher being.
*likes*
I don't have anything to say about it! Thanks for showing
Love,
Fixed
Form is subject to the maker.
Anyways.
This was Good.
No this was Great.
It was subtle at times, all out straightforward at others, and all the way through thoughtful.
It all kept me here, like all here, not that distant kind of aloofness you'll notice in reviewers where they catcha stanza they like and then kind of dismiss the rest.
Every
Line
Had
A
Purpose.
and I loved it.
Loooooved it.
Really the voice of this was human, in the largest sence, it is sure yet very self-abusive, confused and jumpy yet adament about what it wants and all the way through very, very alive.
The lines about breathing are very good, very very good, those may have been the lightlights of this work for me alllll together.
I would love to see more like this.
Please PM me any works of yours you think might be a good read.
Keep it up!!!