An Idea (Edited)

hi Clay! So I guess I'll be reviewing your story today. Though i'm not very good at it.

I'm going to have to agree with writerchick. Your story has a more to a dialogue and less description. You need to describe more about his situation and more of the characters in your story so you wouldn't confuse your readers.

Your grammar seems pretty good . The plot of the story is interesting and so is the action but needs more detail .

“Yeah but I just got used to this place and I don't knowwhat to expect.”

Yay First Review

Even though the beginning kind of confuse me at first since I didn't even knew where the setting was, but after a few description I finally got it. The first two sentence was quite confusing.

Though it is full of dialogue in the story, it kind of makes me feel like I'm reading a script rather than a story. But I do have to applaud for the "fight" scene, it was very good, I can and can't say that it's descriptive, just simple yet you can still imagine them fighting.

As for the dream scene, it was a bit confusing since it kind of pop out of nowhere but I hope that you had planned this and will reveal his brother in the next chapter or so.

Your grammar overall is pretty good, in my case that is. The way you use the cuss words are also good that you actually have a way to put it in, since most prisoners will cuss a lot, instead of just putting in as many cuss word as you can get, thinking that will [ not ] make the story better.

Oh and have you thought of a(n) title yet, or is this the title?

Overall, I think it has a very good plot and that I am hoping to see more :]

Hi i will be reviewing you story today. I'm not to great at this so bare with me

This was an interesting piece but what i think it lacked was description.
Both with the characters and the surroundings. What you also might want to put in is why clay is in prison in the first place.

I felt that your short story was dominated with dialogue,I know its irritating doing description ( trust me i know ) but that's what makes up writing doesn't it?
Maybe you could also explain more about the dream he had

and his brother??? i was a bit confused there.

The minor characters I found where hard to keep up with, maybe you could explain their back rounds a bit more . Well minor characters normally ain't really given that much attention but i think it would help the reader.

[*]The cold metal bars slammed behind me. I was back in the cage with the rest of the birds.[*]

Your first line confused me a bit. Maybe you could use another description,but overall i liked it.
I liked how you showed the real brutality of prison

Keep writing!!!