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E - Everyone

boy, i

by Clairia


boy

wanted me to pretend i didn’t care

because he didn’t mean it.

boy

wanted me to love him

and didn’t want to love me back.

boy

wanted me to know how pretty she was

and that he could be with her if he wanted.

boy

wanted me to remember he was all i had

and it was my fault. i made it that way.

i

was nothing to my heart

but he was everything.

i guess that’s why he left


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30 Reviews


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Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:45 am
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vagrant wrote a review...



Hmm, nice...

Hi, I'm Vagrant and here for a short review.

Now the piece is interesting, particularly because of the structure. The fact that a person can dominate his/her partner and think lowly of him/her really upsets me deeply. As a hopeless romantic, I get very furious when people treat their partners like nothing but especially I don't get why sometimes the other partner gets dominated, you shouldn't be so gullible and try to see through them and leave them yourself. They don't deserve you.

Overall, I like how you beautifully conveyed everything in a concise manner.
Very nice read, keep up the swag! ;)
Cheers!




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27 Reviews


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Tue Jan 21, 2020 12:58 pm
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MadagascarMaiden wrote a review...



How sad, and terrible at the same time. She should never have hung out with that guy. I wouldn't have. But, of course, I'm not allowed to date. I would have told the principal or something. You have a nice little story though. You have an interesting formatt, but very pleasing to look at. Keep up the good work. :-)




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547 Reviews


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Tue Jan 14, 2020 1:44 pm
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Magebird wrote a review...



Hello there! I saw your poem lurking in the Green Room, so I thought I'd get it out of there for you.

I'm not sure if I like the poem's simplicity or its format better. Something I always need to work towards in my own poems is showing and not telling - I struggle to add enough examples. Even though your poem is short and simple, it gives just enough details for the reader to put themselves in the speaker's shoes.

But while the simplicity is great, I think the format is where your poem really shines. The topic of your poem isn't anything groundbreaking; it's something that multiple people have gone through. And that's not a bad thing! It means your poem is relatable to a large audience. But it also means you need something special to make it shine, and your formatting is that special thing.

Putting "boy" at the start of every train of thought throughout the majority of the poem shows how the speaker centered their world around "boy", even when it's clear to the reader that "boy" didn't feel the same way. At the very end of the poem, the speaker realizes what the reader figured out in the poem, and changed their thought process so they put themselves first.

It's a great way to show the speaker's journey, and part of the reason I like this poem so much. I hope it ends up in the literary spotlight!

Edit: Looks like it has! :P




Clairia says...


<3 <3 thank you so much!



Magebird says...


You're welcome!



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Points: 52
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Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:46 am
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BEWriter wrote a review...



This is an amazing poem, and giiirrrrl, you are better off without him. I really enjoyed the overall set up of the stanzas, and I think the structure really helped with the message. This meaning, that I like how in the beginning and middle it was talking about "boy" and at the end it finally got to "I", a fresh start for you even if you didn't realize it at the time.
This gave a great story and impacted emotion in such a short poem, and it is honestly perfect!
Keep doing a great job!




Clairia says...


thank you haha!!



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91 Reviews


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Mon Jan 13, 2020 4:44 am
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dahlia58 says...



Good riddance to him~




Clairia says...


word haha




A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.
— Roald Dahl