Perfect day

by Cjustus

Published April 29, 2015

E - Everyone

In Perfect day- Comment your Thoughts

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Cody Justus
English
Perfect Day
April 12th, 2015


If you were to ask several people what their perfect day consisted of
you would get a variety of answers. Things that vary from staying home
and reading a good book, to thrill seeking adventures such skydiving.
When I think of a perfect day I think of a day with no worries, no
cares. And I think that's something everyone has in common. One day
where you don't worry about the bills, or what to make for dinner. A day
when you just do what you love, and nothing more, and what I love is
good food, being outdoors, and relaxing. So, that's what I would do.


Music fills my room and I can feel movement on the bed next to me. It's
my girlfriend, Zoe, turning off our alarm. She rolls over to kiss me,
and tells me to get some more sleep. I happily comply, closing my eyes,
and easily falling back asleep. When I re-awaken I wake up to the smell
of breakfast. Zoe is sitting next to me on the bed holding a plate. I
sit up and see that it's a sandwich. But not just any sandwich, it's an
egg sandwich on a bagel with golden crispy back, a fried egg, and pepper
jack cheese. My favorite. I take my time, and enjoy my breakfast in
bed. Finishing up, I go downstairs rinse my plate and immediately start
packing for my adventure for the day.

I fill my backpack with
snacks, and supplies. I load my bike on the back of my car and take
off. Upon arriving I see my friend already parked, and unpacked. I pull
up next to him and unpack my car. Getting on our bikes we start our
trip. The trail in steep, you have to keep a constant motion to keep
going. There are few flat spots where you can take small breaks, or stop
to readjust. After a couple hours we reach the top. It's beautiful up
here. The trails have been empty all day, so I'm excited to go back
down. We eat a few snacks, and drink almost the rest of our water before
heading back down. Immediately I pick up speed. The trail is pretty
wide, but the faster you go the more narrow it seems. On the way back
down I take a different turn than I did on the way up. Speeding down the
steep hill I see a five foot drop quickly approaching. After sizing it
up, I steady my bike preparing for the impact. Going over the end of the
ground, I feel that both tires are now suspended. I hit the ground
again and after a second of regaining my balance, continue speeding down
the hill.

Once we get back to the cars, we pack up, and I
make plans to go over to his place later. Driving back home there is a
sunset that seems to cover the whole sky. When I get home Zoe is just
finishing up dinner. I see her taking the stakes off the grill, and I
follow her in the house. She's made NY strip, au gratin potatoes, and
broccoli that she covered in parmesan. We bring our food up to our room
and throw on a movie. We eat and talk for the next hour or so. I tell
her that we were invited to my friend's place to hangout and use his new
hot tub. She agrees to come with and we bring our plates back
downstairs. Zoe takes a bit to get ready and I take the time to go play
with our dogs. Once she's finally ready we head over to our friends
house. First step in the hot tub feels like I'm on fire. I stand there
for a while as I adjust to the water. I finally lower myself into the
water, and it slowly goes from excruciating to relaxing. We stay for a
couple of hours before heading back home again.

Once we get
home we both get in our sweatpants, and make some snacks to eat while
watching movies. When the popcorn is done I take it upstairs. Zoe is on
the bed with both of the dogs playing a game. I sit on the end of the
bed, snuggling up to my dog, watching her play. Eventually she puts on a
movie and I move up to my spot in bed. She falls asleep right away, as
always. I finish up the popcorn, lay my head down and I'm finishing my
perfect day the way it started. In my bed, worry free, and care free. I
soon fall asleep and officially end my perfect day.

Comments & reviews · 2

User avatar
Konijn
Review
Konijn wrote a review Review · Apr 30, 2015

Tigerlilly here for a review!

This does in fact sound like an excellent way to spend the perfect day! Worry free, settle, with your friends and the one you love. I couldn't have said it any better!

As for nitpicking, you have a ton of grammatical errors. I'm not going to take the time to list them all, and I can see EternalRain has already listed a few, so I think just reading through it would really help. Perhaps, you could also use some more interesting words to describe it, that could also help the essay sound much better. Another thing I noticed was that you would switch the tense. Just try to be careful about that.

Its a pretty awesome perfect day, so great job! Keep writing!

User avatar
Raindeer
Review
Raindeer wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2015

Oh, interesting. This is an awesome topic to write about, I wish I was in your English class. Haha. ^_^

I see the date is April 12 - so I assume you've already turned it in. Nonetheless, I'll start with nitpicks and you can always improve it on here. ;)

to thrill seeking adventures such skydiving.


*such as

Finishing up, I go downstairs,rinse my plate, and immediately start packing for my adventure for the day.


Commaaaass.

The trail in steep,


*is steep

Once we get home we both get in our sweatpants, and make some snacks to eat while watching movies.


Doesn't make sense - the transition word 'once' doesn't correspond with the rest of the sentence.

Zoe is on the bed with both of the dogs playing a game.


Seems like a run-on - add a semicolon after 'dogs' or add a comma and a transition word.

So, I really liked this. It was more of an opinion-ized essay, you know? Not informative or persuasive, so it was a very refreshing read.

Something I have to comment about is the format. It looks like you've left a lot of room between each paragraph, you only need to enter once. Not a lot. (Unless, of course, it's required in your school, but in my school we're not supposed to leave a gap).

You used the same word sometimes, so maybe switching it up a bit would be great. I understand you've *probably* already turned this in and there's not much of a point changing it now, but hey, why not improve it here. (And you may have edited before turning it in, this could just be a rough draft. I don't know).

I hope this helps!

Good bye!

~ EternalRain



Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
— Mark Twain