I watch you twist old
newspapers, clip twigs,
unroll vines, pile them into
a shape that will burn,
spotlight our faces, keep our hands,
(we'll do the rest) warm, when the sun is down.
I lean out the basement door
and watch you lay the pieces of your fire
precisely, so exact you could probably tell me now
the way the ashes will look tomorrow.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
LOL.
I remember our first face-off... postmodernism. XD Fun times, fun times...
My criticism goes as follows:
Well, now that THAT little debate is over (Cicero, meet Brad), let me give MY thoughts on this:
I liked it. There were a few rough spots where it didn't flow as nicely, but I think that helps to show the scene. As usual, I have no constructive criticism for you, lol. Good job.
Clearly you have made a decision about how to live your life. I have done the same. We all have to face the consequences of our decisions. I wash my hands of this.
While I whole-heartedly agree that poetry should be made accessible to everyone, I don't see how this piece falls into that criticism, or where it came from. Currently, I'm taking two poetry workshops at Harvard University -- the bill in the mail gives me the right to be damn cocky, don't ya think? Hah. Actually, cockiness is a fine trait, in my opinion (after all, Nietzsche's whole "Will to Power", right?). Either way, I didn't mean to come off as cocky; rather, I intended for my reply to help you see the poem in a different (my) way.
Some of the greatest advice I've ever been given was by famous poet R.S. Gwynn: "Never take anyone's advice. Let your poetry be your own criticism -- invert everything, turn things on their heads -- there is no better way to find your Self than through your own (re)invention."
Brad, I think the problem I see with your response is not the fact that you are not following my advice. When it comes down to it, you're right, it is YOUR poem and you have the ultimate say over it. However, when you post a poem on a forum with no intent of changing it whatsoever, but rather to have people blow sunshine up your a**, you might as well put "just read and tell me how great I am but don't crit" in the subject line.
Let me tell you a little story... two weeks ago I had the honor of interviewing the U.S. poet laureate. He is a professor at my university. He is a remarkable man. Perhaps what I most like about him is the fact that even though he has been the laureate for a year and a half, he still seems shocked at that recognition. This wonderful trait is called being humble. I was interviewing him for a story for our campus paper and I asked him (this was off the record and for my own personal use) what advise he would give an aspiring poet. His answer? "Make your poetry accessible to everyone. If your audience doesn't understand it, they won't continue to read it."
I would recommend you read his book on writing poetry: The Poetry Home Repair Manual by Ted Kooser. And read some of his poetry as well. He is an incredible poet.
Don't believe me? Here's the link to my story: http://www.dailynebraskan.com/vnews/dis ... _archive=1
But finally, I want to say this: you ARE a good poet. But quit being so d*** cocky about it.
Please do not swear, thank you. ~Crysi
I loved it and you know I did.
"and watch you lay the pieces of your fire
precisely, so exact you could probably tell me now
the way the ashes will look tomorrow."
That has a really spooky sense to it but it was honestly the best stanza.
Gosh, Brad I honestly thought you were dead.
Why do you post criticism if you utterly disregard authorial intent?
As I said, I'm sorry you had the confusion you did (of all eight professors who've read this, none had it), so I am unsure in how to help you. I offered some advice -- take it, or leave it -- to try to smooth over your (mis)understandings. If it didn't help, feel free to tell me, but as of now, you're just whining because I replied to your criticism...
Why do you post your poems if you utterly disregard criticism?
I'm not quite sure why you had some of the confusion you did, so I apologize in not being able to address them, other than to say 'pay attention to [my] grammar'. Stanza/breaks do not necessarily mean the end of an idea. For instance, your suggestion for 'the fire spotlights our faces' makes the word 'fire' appear twice in the same sentence.
As for the title, all I can suggest is you read some of my other poetry, some of my stories in the Romantic Fiction, and some of my blog. Ultimately, it comes down to the following: what is an elegy, and what does it to mean to turn words on their heads?