daughter of chaos. . .
why, you raised me well!
succumbed to the brainwash,
isn’t this life so swell?
a sinking ship before she sailed
you were supposed to save me. . .
despite my breathless pleas, you bailed. . .
you were supposed to help me see.
father, mother, they’re both the same–
screaming through hatred as you sit in your shame.
never taught how to love, only to afflict
the same pain on others i so desperately want to “fix”.
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141,470 Literary Works • 674,494 Reviews
Hi, it's Mika here! I'm gonna be very honest with you in this poem! So let's go.
Firstly, The use of "you" in the second stanza is unclear and could refer to either the father, mother, or both, which confused me a little. The phrase "isn't this life so swell?" seems out of place and disrupts the flow of the poem. What was cool was that the use of repetition and rhyme in the last two lines of each stanza creates a sense of momentum and urgency in the poem. The final line, "the same pain on others i so desperately want to 'fix'", is a powerful and thought-provoking statement about the cycle of trauma and abuse. It's a pretty emotional poem, so great job there. However, The poem could benefit from more descriptive language to help readers better understand the speaker's emotions and experiences. In summary, this is a very interesting and unique poem! There could be some improvements, but keep it up, you can do it! Byeee
first of all, im gonna be real on here. i think that the best way to review is to point out the bad stuff too, not just say " this was awesome oh my god" because that doesnt really help. that just boosts ego.
i like the title. " corpse" is one of my favourite words, simply because of the way it sounds. you dont see someone use the word corpse to describe things everyday.
my life and your life seem very similar. except my dad be far far away and my mother spews things that are mentally abusive, i just chose to ignore it.
i like how you write things. its dark and creative and gets to the point, just in an angelic way. it seems like you actually took some time and thought about this.
in all fairness, i was hoping that the picture you would paint would be a bit.... gory, do to the title. but hey, great poem! i like it.
OH MY GOD! for once someone rhymes in a poem. 10/10!!! it seems like no one rhymes in poems now days, so im glad you do.
i understand what your going through. here's some advice that will probably do more harm than good: get rebellious. stand up to your parents. they will ( hopefully) see that you cant be pushed around. try to be the best while your at it. that way, you can throw your accomplishments in their face, and they might realize that hey! your not just a stack or rats in a trench coat. your a person, and a good one at that.
and heres the thing: you came on here ten years ago. theres no way you came on here eight years old and under. you have to be eighteen to move out. conclusion: youve gotta be an adult by now, meaning your most likely far away from them. you escaped from that house. thats all that matters, right? your safe now.
good job
i believe in you
you got this
bye!