Young Writers Society

And lo, I have arrived.

Church wrote:Chapter 4: Running form danger with my love

form=from... haha

Alex spun the steering wheel to the left and 1.held the brake. The truck dove out of the overgrown field and swerved onto the road barely a mile ahead of the oncoming tornado. The lab was another three miles ahead down 2.this utterly straight road.

Nice start, especially the barely a mile ahead of a tornado part...
1. Held? So is he stepping on it or what? You could put something like: 'His foot hovered above the brake' or something...? This just confused me. Obviously.
2. Sounds strange, maybe change to 'the'.

Alex finished his brake and turn maneuver and slammed down on the accelerator. The truck slowly climbed to over a hundred miles per hour. At ninety, the engine began to knock from metal stress. At one hundred, there was a vibration in the steering wheel because of an unbalanced front wheel. Even with minor mechanical setbacks the vehicle continued.

This sounds really... blah. You know? Maybe use some personification or adjectives to spice it up.

Alex glanced at Aurora again. She was clearly as scared as he was but she was trying very hard to hide it. Alex simply had to many other things happening to be scared.

To=too

The winds were slowly getting stronger as the tornado began to catch the speeding truck, trying to throw it away like a child’s toy. The wind was wiping at the bent fenders causing the vibration to increase in severity. The rain was a torrent that came in horizontally to the windshield not giving the wipers a chance to maintain visibility.

Wow, I really liked that last sentence! Oh, and wiping=whipping.

The lab entrance was now in sight, yet the tornado was less than three quarters of a mile away. There was a loud bang and the engine temperature began to rise.

“ Would now would be a bad time to ask what the noise was?” Aurora asked in a very low voice.

“It would be, but I can tell you that the radiator just blew open.” Alex replied.

“How does a radiator explode?” She asked in response.

“It couldn’t cool the engine fast enough so it itself over heated and ruptured.” Alex replied frantically, as the knocking became faster and louder.

Umm I think you missed a word... or something... *scratches head*

“That’s bad! Right?”

“Oh yeah! Alex said “The pistons are going to weld themselves in the cylinder and lock up completely.”

The temperature gauge was now pegged in the red zone, the radiator light was flashing, and the check engine sign was brightly lit. Alex depressed the brakes and flung the wheel around as fast as he could. The left front did not respond to the hard turn and stayed straight. Nonetheless, the truck changed direction and entered the road to the lab dragging the broken left wheel. The truck would no longer accelerate above sixty-five miles per hour but it really didn’t have to.

comma between

Alex performed his brake and turn maneuver once more and the truck raced into the underground parking lot. The truck cleared the entrance and made it to the bottom of the ramp before rear wheels locked up as the piston welded to the cylinder. Alex fought to control the skidding vehicle. Failing, it slammed into a support column with the passenger side, just behind the door.

Smoke came from under the hood and fluid poured out from a hole in the transmission. The frame was slightly bent up on the passenger side but Aurora was unharmed. Her door would not open from the bend so she was forced to climb out on Alex’s side. Alex helped her out as the winds picked up from a simple breeze to a full gust, magnified by the narrow entrance.

Alex smiled at Aurora as the winds died away and the tornado pass on. “We made it.” He whispered, “We made it”
period needed