It was a scorching day, the sweat rang in beabs down drakes back. It was hard to breath in this humidity; it was as if someone was cutting of your air supply. Drake was a normal 14 year old boy who enjoyed to hang around wth is friends and ride the waves on a warm summers day like to day. however this day would change everything.
Drake strolled down the street holding his surfboard under his right arm and a can of soda in his left hand. Josh and Willie had joined him. They all walked together all with ther surfboards and a grin on their faces; but it was all going to change. As they neared the beach drake caught site of of a police car siting by the corner shop, the police man was standing on top of phone box with a mega phone shouting orders.
"Everyone calm down and stay in this area" he ordered to the crowd.
The boys quickened into a run and entered the ever growing crowd.
"What's happened" asked Drake to a spectator.
"Someone's died,"he said pointing to the beach "over ther by the rock"
the boys swiled round and craned their necks to catch a plimpse of the body. It had aready been moved though spot were the man had pointed to was black, as balck as ink. Drake thought is was dryed blood, but closer inspection told him that this was someting completely different. The area here the man had died was black and what was strange was that the area around the spot was changing colour fron the cream sand to a grey shade. It was like tendrils were covering the sand consuming all it there way what what and who would be next!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Like the two people before me said, I would pay attention to check it before you post it. It could even help to have someone else check it to make sure you didn't miss anything. Other than that, it was pretty good. There was one thing that I saw, though, that I didn't really like.
I am a fan of foreshadowing, but you used it twice to foreshadow the same event- once at the end of the first paragraph, and a little into the second paragraph.
And then not too long after...
But again, the main problem was spelling and grammar.
I hope this helped!
Okay, as the person before me said, the first thing that caught my eye are the grammar and spelling errors. Although as far as writing goes, grammar and spelling isn't the most important thing ever - spellcheck can fix it in an instant without that much trouble, but if you don't, it's hard to get to the meat of the work.
The initial description and setup are intriguing, but I must admit, the grammar and spelling did distract me too much from the point you're trying to make. Grammar and spelling don't make or break an author; ideas do. But without good spellcheck and grammar check, people are too distracted to actually see your brilliant ideas, so please, watch out for that next time.
Keep writing!
Hello there!
---> #FF0000 ">Drake should be capitalized, and the whole sentence restructured.Let's see:
Okay, well I'm not going to go on. But there is a lot of grammar errors here. Basic ones. Names are not capitalized, the first words in sentences are not capitalized. You didn't even spell check it to see that you have failed to spell certain words such as 'with' correctly.
Now, about the story, the excessive amount of spelling and grammar mistakes prevented me from getting to the actual story line, but from what I read it's about Drake and his friends at a murder scene, so I'm thinking mystery. That's a pretty good idea, mystery is always good. However, please fix all those grammar and spelling errors, so that we know what you're talking about.
Also, in your first paragraph, I didn't like how you started talking about the weather and then switched back to Drake so quickly. You should rethink that.
Anyway, Keep writing =)