z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Awake in the Weeds

by ChristianL


An android pulled weeds in a field. All day, every day. When the moon rose from beneath the mountain range on the desert skyline, it would power down where it stood, paused in a black nothingness. The sun would rise, and the android would continue. One day, something odd happened. The moon rose, the transient winds howled, but the android did not turn off. It kept going, tending to the crop. Moving along the row, never looking up, until suddenly, the android knocked into something. Another robot, only, this one was not moving. The android stood up, examined it. The machine was in a sitting position, with a green plant in its hand, and its head slumped down.

Why is it not moving, thought the android? Why does it have a weed in its hand?

The android noticed its own hand, holding a plant, just like the other machine

Are we the same?

The android looked around, passed the machine. Standing up, the plants and mud, gone from its head. Down the row of corn, there were more of them, all similar to the one discovered, none moving. The android examined them.

A red circle with the words TORE CORP was plastered on each of their backs.

What's TORE CORP. Am I TORE CORP?

It continued walking with the wind bending the corn that reflected in the moon's light. The Android came across a large boulder stuck in the middle of the row. It stood upon it, looking beyond the row of corn. The field was so big, larger than the row it lived in. So much to explore! So many machines, none moving.

Why do they not move? Are they broken?

It scanned the field, looking far into the distance, beyond the rows of corn. There, almost farther than it could see, a light.

What's that?

The android stepped off the rock, the rows of corn now blocking the view. The android walked towards the light but hesitated. To get there, it must cross through the row. It had never left the row before.

What would the dirt be like in the next row? The row after that?

It wanted to know, it had, to understand. It looked back at the machines, statues in the faint blue moonlight, and stepped through. Into the next row, exactly the same as the one before it. The android crossed again.

It kept moving. Running now, leaping through the rows of corn. Exhilaration, running faster jumping higher. The world fell away, the android only knowing the wondrous glow in the distance. Time passed. The bright light, growing bigger. The android burst through another wall of corn, into a large clearing. Before it stood a house. Walking forward, it noticed a sign planted into the dirt, in bold black lettering the words:

House of Robinson

What is Robinson? What is a house?

The android looked again, at the light bleeding from within the house, through the windows. It walked closer, peering through the glass.

Three people sat at a table watching television. On the screen, an old man pointed at clouds. They were awake, as the android. Perhaps they knew why the other machines weren't moving The android had to get their attention. Why did it wake up? The android lightly tapped the window

The family looked at the android. One of them screamed, falling down onto the floor. The android heard voices.

“Roy are you ok?”

“I'm fine dad. Did you forget to turn the robots off?”

“They turn off automatically. Somethings just wrong with this one.”

The android stared at the family, who in turn, stared back. Time stretched seemingly eternal until the daughter spoke

“Whys it still looking at us?”

“I don't know.”

“Well, it's creepy. Dad go turn it off.”

Turned off? What does that mean?

“Ya dad this is getting weird. Go turn it off, ill help check to see if the other ones are awake too”

“No dont worry, this is the only one powered on. I checked them all at sunset. This one just forgot to power down.”

The other machines are turned off?

“Can you please turn it off now, I don't like it looking at us.”

“Yep, I'm on it.”

The dad stood up, walking towards the door

They're going to turn me off?

The dad opened the door.

But I've learned so much

Walking towards the android

I don't want to go back to the weeds

grabbing the android.

I don't want to turn off...


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User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 57
Reviews: 5

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Sat Jul 21, 2018 6:40 pm
destinybeal wrote a review...



Heyo! I really enjoyed the concept of this story, but I feel like it can go a little bit further! I see the potential to imbue some more philosophical elements in this piece; it's already kind of there when the android is speaking, "But I've learned so much... I don't want to turn off..." and with the overall theme of this piece, but it could have more tension and power with higher stakes.

I really think it would be a great idea to work on lengthening this piece, maybe turning it into a longer short story instead of a flash fiction piece. I'd consider making the robot turned off permanently rather than temporarily. For example, maybe the farmers had to hide in their home or evacuate for war, and the android went on this long journey. Maybe show more humanity in the android- it already seems to have some with its thoughts.

Now, for the technical elements here: I think you have some good moments here! I like the image of the android looking around the field curiously a lot. Although, I think I'd slowly build to the android becoming frantic, worried; build the emotion!

I also enjoyed toward the end where you kept switching between narration of the father's actions and the android's thoughts. This built the tension and was really the place where I saw that this concept of an android's will to keep living and learning has a lot of potential as a philosophical sci-fi piece!

I hope my review wasn't too all over the place. I enjoyed your piece a lot! It has a lot of potential and you can turn it into something great. :^D




destinybeal says...


Tacking this onto my review as a separate thing. This story just reminded me of a movie called A.I. Artificial Intelligence directed by Steven Spielberg and a different short story called "The Truth and All its Ugly" by Kyle Minor. I'd look at these if you're curious and if you'd like any other ideas/inspiration if you do consider expanding this piece. Good luck with it!



ChristianL says...


Thank you for your review! Hope you don't mind but I'm gonna go ahead and nab that idea you had about the farmers evacuating because of war, it's really cool



destinybeal says...


Don't mind at all! And no problem~ :^))



User avatar
18 Reviews


Points: 535
Reviews: 18

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Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:15 am
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introworded wrote a review...



Hi! introworded here!

This is a really interesting story you've written! I liked reading about this small moment in time: an android discovering the world because he failed to shut off when he normally does. It's very mysterious, which makes for a good read!

Let's talk about your writing style for this piece. Because it is told from the third person limited point of view of an android, it was a smart move on your part for the writing to seem a bit robotic and plain. It really puts the reader into the mind of the android. That being said, I do feel that there should have been a little more imagery and descriptiveness to the setting. The android is discovering all of these new things and experiences, but they are hardly described so it is hard to paint a clear image of the story. Some parts seemed a bit slow to read because I couldn't quite picture what I was reading about.

As for the grammar, I saw only minor mistakes, but ones that should definitely be added.

Why is it not moving, thought the android?

Here I think that it would be best to replace your comma with a question mark and replace your question mark at the end with a period.
“Can you please turn it off now, I don't like it looking at us.”

You should also separate this into two sentences, a question and then a statement. There are a few missing periods and other quotations scattered around, so make sure to thoroughly read through your work before publishing it. I know I sometimes miss some mistakes because I read through my work too quickly!


I also really like the title you picked for this! It goes perfectly with the story.




ChristianL says...


Thank you for your review!
Your insight into the lack of description in some section of the story was spot on, in my personal draft of this piece I have made adjustments. I also fixed the grammar. I've always struggled with grammar and I'm getting better, its just a slow process.

I'm actually reading this piece aloud for an audience tomorrow, so your review came just in time!



introworded says...


Good luck! :)




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— Ari11