A Timeless World (please critique)

“When is she getting here? We’ve been waiting for twenty minutes.”

A teenage boy sat in a wooden chair with his arms crossed tightly. He tapped his foot and often sighed. Periodically he would look into his reflection in the mirror and adjust his hair, then adjust his clothing. I could never quite tell what his problem was. It was b etter not to think too much of it and shrug off the whole matter as a side effect of muscle supplements.

“I’m getting tired of doing this,” he said. “We could be at a party getting laid right now.”

“Andrew, please relax. She’ll be here soon, I promise,” I said

“Why should I be here?”

“I need you guys.”

“This is such a waste of time.”

“Don’t be like that!”

“Be like what? You’re wasting my time.”

“I can’t walk up to her car, you know that.”

“So what?”

“Her father doesn’t like me.”

“I know!”

“So please just do this for me.”

“You already have Peter. Why do you need me?”

“I need you because we’re going back to your house. Peter can’t.”

“Why not?”

“His mom is home. She never leaves.”

“Well, she better get here soon,” he said, “and you owe me.”

As if on cue, a girl entered the door of the coffee shop. Her presence was noticed by everyone as she approached me. Her eyes gleamed in the dim lighting, hypnotizing me for all my attention and her bright white teeth were all in attendance. Her body was perfect for it was slender yet long; smooth yet compact. Her bare neck was exposed, as were her shoulders, and it was a beautiful site of conquered lands and tamed character which brought an ecstatic feel that the conquistadors must have felt. She quickly threw both arms around me and landed her soft lips against mine. Her hair smelled like peaches and cream and her perfume was something exquisite. The hairs on my arms rose. My hands shook slightly. Accompanying her was my friend Peter. He was short but remarkably sarcastic and downright witty. In his eyes nothing ever seemed serious and maybe that is why I keep him around.

“Hi, baby,” she says

“Hey, Sienna, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.”

She left my arms and turned to Andrew.

“Hello, Andrew.” She hugged him.

They exchanged sweet nothings with one another but I could see my friend’s disinterest. He never liked it when I used him. Peter never liked it either.

“She’s delivered with safety,” said Peter. “No need to thank me or anything.”

I rolled my eyes, “Thank you, Peter.”

“Hey! No need for thanks,” he replied.

Sienna laughed.

“What else is there besides thank you,” I asked.

“I do except payments in large sums of candy.”

“Consider it done.”

“Then consider this settled.”

Sienna laughed again and Peter took a seat alongside Andrew. Peter crossed his legs and untied a plastic bag of assorted goodies. He munched on each sour piece of candy, dissecting each fruity flavor carefully to distinguish one from the other.

“What about my payment,” Andrew asked.

Andrew got on my nerves sometimes. He never knew where to draw the line.

“I’m sure you have enough steroids to last you the rest of the year,” I replied

Peter chuckled like a child while Andrew clenched his fists. Sienna smacked my shoulder, “That wasn’t nice.”

“It had to be said,” I insisted.

“No it didn’t.”

“He always wants something for something.”

“Please don’t be an asshole to him.”

“Why not? That selfish—”

“Stop,” she quickly interjected. “I don’t want them to hate us, you know?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say it to me, baby,” demanded Sienna.

We sat in the cushioned café seats and enjoyed our luxurious, over priced lattes. We spoke about our experiences, each person sharing a chapter in their lives about a certain topic. Sienna’s leg shook when we spoke about race. Mine did too, we quickly changed the subject. I noticed that Sienna’s hands were more bare than usual.

“Baby, where is your phone?”

“Oh my god,” she realized. “I must’ve left it in the car.”

“How is your dad gunna call you?”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll call him a little later, baby.”

“Well, if you say so.” My stomach tightened and it felt hollow. My breathing became shorter. Each breath became more difficult than the previous one. I did not know why I started feeling this way but I saw Sienna smile at one of Peter’s jokes and I dismissed the feeling. The conversation changed to the subject of Allison Miller, a girl in my biology class.

“Damn,” said Peter. “Allison Miller keeps texting me.”

“I hate her,” Andrew said

“I do too.”

“Yeah, she’s awful,” I add.

“Who’s Allison,” Sienna asked.

“She’s this wretched girl who couldn’t find her way out of a paper bag,” I said

“She’s so stupid,” added Andrew

“But she gets straight A’s,” said Peter.

“Yet another case of book smarts versus common sense.”

We all laughed.

“What does she do,” asked Sienna.

“She forms all of her opinions on what her parents tell her,” I said.

“That’s ridiculous, baby”

“Yeah, I think we’re old enough to make our own decisions now, right?”

“Of course,” replied Peter.

“No doubt,” added Andrew.

“We are in high school after all,” said Peter. “We’re our own people.”

“Exactly,” replied Sienna, “How could someone expect to be exactly how their parents are? We’re all different. That’s what makes us unique, you know?”

I kissed her just as I did every time she said something magnificent. Over time the four person conversation changed. Sienna and I began to talk on our own. Peter and Andrew went to the counter to buy more drinks. Sienna sat on my lap and wrapped her arms loosely around my neck. She kissed me again.

“What was that for?”

“That was for last night, baby. I can’t handle it when my dad gets drunk and makes rude remarks about everything.”

“It’s ok, I understand. I’m just glad I could help.”

“Aw, baby, you always help.”

“I’m glad I can.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without your phone calls. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

I held her close and we did not speak. I gazed deeply into her eyes and she looked up at mine. Her eyebrows were raised so that she could look up at me. I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and let her know everything was alright as long as I was there. The people of the café talked loudly and the setting sun seeped through the bare windows. A chill gust of wind rushed in every time the door was opened and her hair shifted, covering her eyes and I kept trying to fix it. The sweet smell of the café filled my nostrils and she smiled and I smiled and Andrew complained, and Peter made a sarcastic remark. Moments passed but it seemed like forever and every twenty seconds she looked at me and kissed me on the lips. Every ten minutes she told me that she loves me and I told her that I love her too and I kissed her with such conviction as if no one were around. Sienna held my hand tightly and fiddled with each finger. Her hands were delicate. Her smile was spectacular.

“You look so beautiful. It makes me so happy to see you.”

She caresses my cheek with the back of her fingertips. “I love making you happy, baby. You know that.”

A strong breeze came from the café door, “Sienna!” We turned to see a man standing at the doorway holding a cell phone. “I trusted you and this is how you repay my trust? I told you never to see him again!” It was her father. His cold stern eyes pierced through my own. He bore a thick, regal mustache and had a receding hair line.

“Daddy—”

“Don’t Daddy me! Get your ass up and let’s go. I came to give you your phone and this is what you’re doing?”

“Daddy, no, I want to stay here. Stop it!” Her eyes were watery. Tears cascaded down her rosy cheeks. The customers watched in confusion but were enthralled in entertainment as if they were watching Jerry Springer. The baristas peered under their green visors. Andrew and Peter watched without a word. “Daddy,” she said, “why can’t you see how much he means to me?”

“No, I refuse to see any of it. What did I tell you about dating black boys? They’re nothing but trouble! I can’t believe you would see him. It’s just so filthy to me.”

The whole coffee shop was stunned, as was I. Several women gasped.

“Daddy, he is only half black and there is nothing wrong with that.”

“No daughter of mine is having black babies! Get your ass up right now! We are leaving.”

He came toward her and grabbed her by the arm.

“Hey! Be easy with her! Don’t touch her like that!”

Both of his eyebrows rose.

“Who the hell are you to tell me what I can or cannot do to my daughter?”

“I’m just saying, don’t touch her like that.”

“Boy, you listen here and you listen closely. You are not to try seeing my daughter ever again. Take a good look, boy, because this is the last time you will ever see her.”

“Boy?”

“Let’s go, Sienna. Now!”

She was hysterical then. Her tears and her fragrance were all that was left behind in the shop. Everyone just stared now. I felt their eyes. Those eyes of theirs were soaking my body with sympathy. I did not know how to feel. I couldn’t understand how a man could be so hateful. He spoke as if I was an infectious intruder or a dirty suspicious character. I was the vile disease and, to him, he was the antidote and that was the way things were because this was his world according to him and these were his rules we were abiding by. My friends watched me as I cried like a baby. They did not say a word. I buried my head in my hands and laid it gently against the edge of the round table. The coffee shop was filled with Jazz music. All I could hear was the soothing sounds of the piano and saxophone; the sounds that spoke to me of people who could relate with my feelings. I wondered if those musicians thought things would be different in the future. I guess I was the fool to think things would ever change.

COMMENT ON MY STORY PLEASE! LOOKING FOR SOME FEEDBACK! It would be much appreciated.