Published August 11, 2011
When flowers laugh and souls die
Clouds gambol across November sky
The scolding air harsh against a face
While fingers and hands struggle to keep pace
Wandering leaves never find a home
Unruly children free to roam
The familiar strange slowing reality
Pale fingers gesture in a fantasy
What's backwards is forwards
Comes tumbling down
When different is dangerous
The dark night is found
Words lie in our hero's mouth
With them, we cannot live without
Still, we try hard to keep pace
Though time has frozen our eternal face
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138,932 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Hey Chosenofair!
I really like your poem. It was interesting and I could tell you really thought about it. Well, it seems so anyway. Your words were really beautiful. Good job!
PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!
-Boo
Hah! This is wicked good! I love your style! Mostly I'm annoyed at people who won't add dots but since the rythm worked so well anyways and you did add commas when necessary I really haven't got many complains to do. I like the plot and the twisting of words... it's so creative and you did a great job! The rhyming is great too, you barely noticed it rhymed since they didn't feel forced at all and still rhyming always make the rythm function better so yep.. I kinda loved it! Your imagery is great too, and the words create a vivid, colorful picture.. so, ehm what can I say? I give you 5/5 spiders!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Wow. This is amazing. I love poetry that's abstract like this (if that's the right term for it, I guess I'm thinking abstract like artwork). You pull it off much better than anyone else I've seen. Your phrasing and syntax reminds me of Poe's Raven, although there's probably someone who will disagree with me. I just think the rhythm, free-flowing form is similar, as is the haunting lyrical quality. I don't know why, but the title fits perfectly. I'm quite glad to have read it. Now, for the one problem: you have no punctuation. Try to work on that, play around, post it in edited form, and see how people like it. I may drop back by myself to give input.
Well I really liked this. I liked that idea of twisting language, and you have pulled that off pretty darn well I must say. I also loved how you used your rhymes. It painted a lovely image in my mind, like it should. Overall, I loved it. I think it was pretty darn good in my book. I can't wait to see more from you. Keep up the spankingly good work.