Published June 11, 2009
Sometimes I wish life
Would slow down
To a snail's pace.
Stop.
Go back.
To relive moments
Of pure happiness,
Joy,
Belonging.
Moments of feeling
I actually fit
Into the bigger picture.
Of life.
As I age,
Moments of pure happiness,
Joy,
Belonging,
Are fewer,
Further between,
Until they disappear
Completely.
I am left looking in.
Longing to take part
In the bigger picture.
Of life.
I join a group of friends
We talk,
Laugh,
Have fun.
But not one is real.
They are all fake.
They have no desire
To pull me back
Into the bigger picture.
Of Life.
Eventually,
I find a true friend.
We share secrets,
Become best buds.
She pulls me close,
Until I am finally once again
A part of the bigger picture.
Of life.
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Canary word: Present
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140,808 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
Hi there, June here!
So! Overall, I found this a very sweet poem. I loved how the end of it turned to hopeful things, and didn't close in a depressing manner.
However, I have to say that structure and wording of this didn't make for the most interesting poem to read. Honestly, it read like a story, aside from the enjambment (running over of one sentence from one line to the next). I mean that in the most positive way-- there wasn't much imagery here, very little description.
As far as wording goes, I think it could be cleaned up, dear. Some lines here you repeat yourself, perhaps to clarify, but it comes off as repetition.
Nice work though, and bonus points for not ending depressing-style.
June
Hello!!
Okay, I must say, the first part of this poem was my absolute favorite. I didn't really get the end because it seemed like the poem switched up some. At first I thought you where talking about one thing, and then it kind of switched to how the author is going to find a good friend. Don't get me wrong, the poem was great though!! Good wording and imagery!!
~*Hailey,<3
I like this, I saw some punctuation errors but thats it.
keep writing
-Flower-