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What's the matter?

by ChocolateCello


FADE IN:

FOREST PATH, ANCIENT GREECE- DAY

DEMOCRITUS, a Greek man with large hooked nose and a mischievous gleam in eye, a messy grey beard and a balding head, strolls along.

NARRATOR

Once upon a time there was a man named Democritus. He Discovered matter.

As the Narrator speaks, Democritus kneels to the ground, gently touching a leaf and then a nearby puddle. He freezes for a moment, stunned, before grasping rapidly at the air. His eyes grow large.

STRAIGHT CUT TO:

INT. GREEK HOUSE- ANDRON- DAY

Democritus, eyes wild, enters the room, rushing to a desk in the corner. He pulls a piece of parchment from the desk drawer.

DEMOCRITUS

I must write a thesis!

Democritus retrieves ink from the drawer too, carefully dipping his quill in it and hesitating for a moment, as if in deep thought, before writing ‘THE MATTER’ in large script across the page. He breaks down into tears.

NARRATOR

This discovery was life changing. Could Democritus handle it?

Democritus continues to sob.

NARRATOR

Clearly not.

ANAITIS, a female about Democritus’s age, rushes into the room at the sound of Democritus’s sobbing. She moves to stand at his side, patting his back gently. As she does so, she peers over his shoulder, spotting the thesis.

ANAITIS

Democritus, what’s ‘the matter’?

Democritus looks at Anatis with a saddened stare. His eyes are filled with betrayal. His heart is clearly filled with pain.

At this point, the audience finds themselves thinking: Did some sorry soul truly write this script simply for that pun? Is this what the human race has come to? A play on paper just for a play on words? Great, there the writer goes again. And come on, should we really count that one? It’s clearly a screenplay, not a classic play.

The audience sighs in disappointment.

FADE OUT.


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128 Reviews


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Sat Nov 26, 2016 6:32 am
BlueSunset says...



This is great.




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Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:28 am
ewolf20 wrote a review...



quite an interesting read you got there. though the dialogue can a bit choppy at times, it still does feel a bit natural at times when it needs too. now the presentation is quite nice too, not to say about that. and finally, i say overall it has some promise. just work on your dialogue skills and your good to go.




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48 Reviews


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Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:58 am
Rosy234 wrote a review...



Hi, here with a review. I really liked this unique structure and I liked how you've switched from the narrarator to the event. This gives the reader a feeling as if they're watching this instead of reading it as it has a huge amount of imagery. This reminds me of a play because of the way you've ended. I enjoyed this. Keep writing!

~Rosy234




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10 Reviews


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Wed Nov 23, 2016 11:55 pm
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SummerSunshine says...



Okay, I love this. One thing though, the "Discovered" in He Discovered matter, should have a lowercase d at the beginning.





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