Young Writers Society

What's the matter?

by ChocolateCello



DEMOCRITUS, a Greek man with large hooked nose and a mischievous gleam in eye, a messy grey beard and a balding head, strolls along.


Once upon a time there was a man named Democritus. He Discovered matter.

As the Narrator speaks, Democritus kneels to the ground, gently touching a leaf and then a nearby puddle. He freezes for a moment, stunned, before grasping rapidly at the air. His eyes grow large.



Democritus, eyes wild, enters the room, rushing to a desk in the corner. He pulls a piece of parchment from the desk drawer.


I must write a thesis!

Democritus retrieves ink from the drawer too, carefully dipping his quill in it and hesitating for a moment, as if in deep thought, before writing ‘THE MATTER’ in large script across the page. He breaks down into tears.


This discovery was life changing. Could Democritus handle it?

Democritus continues to sob.


Clearly not.

ANAITIS, a female about Democritus’s age, rushes into the room at the sound of Democritus’s sobbing. She moves to stand at his side, patting his back gently. As she does so, she peers over his shoulder, spotting the thesis.


Democritus, what’s ‘the matter’?

Democritus looks at Anatis with a saddened stare. His eyes are filled with betrayal. His heart is clearly filled with pain.

At this point, the audience finds themselves thinking: Did some sorry soul truly write this script simply for that pun? Is this what the human race has come to? A play on paper just for a play on words? Great, there the writer goes again. And come on, should we really count that one? It’s clearly a screenplay, not a classic play.

The audience sighs in disappointment.


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128 Reviews

Points: 6214
Reviews: 128

Sat Nov 26, 2016 6:32 am
BlueSunset says...

This is great.

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Points: 171
Reviews: 3

Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:28 am
ewolf20 wrote a review...

quite an interesting read you got there. though the dialogue can a bit choppy at times, it still does feel a bit natural at times when it needs too. now the presentation is quite nice too, not to say about that. and finally, i say overall it has some promise. just work on your dialogue skills and your good to go.

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48 Reviews

Points: 1863
Reviews: 48

Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:58 am
Rosy234 wrote a review...

Hi, here with a review. I really liked this unique structure and I liked how you've switched from the narrarator to the event. This gives the reader a feeling as if they're watching this instead of reading it as it has a huge amount of imagery. This reminds me of a play because of the way you've ended. I enjoyed this. Keep writing!


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10 Reviews

Points: 253
Reviews: 10

Wed Nov 23, 2016 11:55 pm
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SummerSunshine says...

Okay, I love this. One thing though, the "Discovered" in He Discovered matter, should have a lowercase d at the beginning.

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides