Before Beauty-chapter #1

by ChloeJoelle

Published August 16, 2015

E - Everyone

In Fanfiction

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So, this is a story about what happened before Belle came into Beauty and the Beast. Ester is the 'beautiful enchantress' that turns Adam into the beast. Soon I will upload more chapters. Thanks for reading! 

-ChloeJoelle

 Chapter One

I look out my small, dome shaped window at the peach colored sky and the setting sun.  It’s drizzling slightly, but not as cold as one would expect.  Far below me is the dark soil, soft and moist from the growing rain.  Rising up from the ground are many, tall trees changing their colors from summer to fall.  It’s late September and I know that in the coming month, at this time everyday, I will see a faint, golden glow coming from somewhere in the forest, as I do every October.  Every time I see the mysterious light, I wish I were allowed into the woods.  I don’t know what makes the glow, though this October I intend to find out.

I sigh and turn back to my large bedroom.  I had asked Juliette to let me dress alone tonight, so that I can have a little time to myself.  In my nightstand drawer, I find a pale green hair ribbon and a comb.  I carefully detangle my wavy, dark-blonde hair and smooth it into a loose braid that falls to the middle of my back.  I brush off my long, green, velvet dress and go back to my nightstand.  I slowly pick up my little, golden tiara and stare at it, trying for the hundredth time to make it disappear.  When nothing happens, I sigh and walk over to the large mirror, where I gently place it on my head.  The cold weight of the crown is depressing enough for me to let loose an unintentional tear.  I won’t make it downstairs tonight, I just can’t!  But try as I might, I can’t think of a good excuse to stay in my room.  

I wipe my face, and quickly depart from my room.  Juliette has been waiting for me in the hall.

“Are you alright, m’lady?”  she says with a concerned look.

“Yes, Juliette, I’m quite fine.”

As we descend the stairs, my heart lifts gradually.  Juliette always makes me feel better.  We reach the bottom of the staircase and I hear my father’s stern and commanding, yet weary voice.

“Ester Rose?”

“Yes, Father, it’s me.” 

“What took you so long, Sunshine?  You know how important it is that I talk to you tonight.”  My father has gotten less patient with age, though he still calls me Sunshine, and I don’t think that will ever change.

“I’m sorry, Father.”  I walk over and peck him on the cheek.  He smiles at the kiss and his firm eyes go soft.  

“That’s okay, Ester,”  he says.  “I know how hard all of this has been for you.  Please sit.”  I walk to the other end of the table and sit in the beautifully carved chair opposite my father.  Juliette stands in the doorway, waiting to be needed.

“Tea, m’lady?”  one of our kitchen servants asks as he comes up to me.

“Oh yes, thank you, Marcus.”  I say gratefully.  Tea always calms my nerves.  So does Marcus’ kind smile.

“O’ course, m’lady.”  He pours the hot, steamy liquid into my small, china cup.  Full to the brim.  He dutifully offers me sugar and cream, and I politely refuse them both as I always do.  

My father clears his throat, takes a sip of his own heavily sweetened tea, and says, “Ester Rose, we need to talk about your marriage.”  

I had been expecting this.  “Yes, Father?” 

“I am getting old, as you know, and you need someone to help you rule this kingdom when I’m gone.”

“Yes Father, I am to marry Prince Adam Phuther Moore.  His father is King Moore of Transphava, which is a nice place, twenty miles south of here, and you and King Moore have yet to decide when and where the wedding will be.”

My father the king’s eyes grow large and larger, and I worry they will never stop.  “You can read minds, Sunshine!?”  Though this may seem like an absurd accusation, it is not surprising coming from my father.  

“I like to always consider that, as a possibility,”  I say. “But you also told me about all of this last week.”  

The king chuckles softly, and says, “You really had me fooled, there, Ester Rose!”  I can see Marcus through the kitchen doorway, trying to hide his laughter.  “Well, you aren’t entirely right,”  says my father,  “King Moore and I made wedding plans two days ago.”  

The playfulness in my eyes is immediately murdered by his words.  I knew this was coming, but I’m still not ready.  I suppose I never will be.  “When is the wedding, Father?”  I’m not sure I really want to know the answer.  

“November sixth,”  he says, eyeing me warily.

“November sixth!?”  I am shocked.  That is less than two months away!  “Father, I can’t be married on November sixth!  I’m just barely seventeen!  I’m not ready!  I’m still a child!  I won’t do it, and you can’t make me!”  My voice had been growing louder and louder, I realize now.  My father’s face stiffens and I wait for the reprimanding.

“You are not in charge yet, Ester Rose!  As long as my heart still beats, I am your father, and you will do as I say!  You do not have the right to yell at me in my own castle, and tell me what I can and cannot make you do!  Do you understa--” he starts coughing and the servants in the room move toward him.  He picks up his teacup with shaking hands, and takes a long sip.  It stops his coughing fit, and he tells his servants that he’s fine, motioning for them to go about their business.  They go back to standing in the doorways and working in the kitchen.  

“Yes, Father, I understand and I’m very sorry.”  I say in a small voice.  He looks at me weakly and says:

“Look, Sunshine, I know this is hard for you.  It’s hard for me too!  You think I want you to get married?  I don’t.  You are still my baby girl.  But when I go, I want you to have someone you can count on to help you.  You will have big responsibilities, Ester.  And I know you will be a wonderful leader, but help is a good thing.  Trust me.”

“I do,” I say, “I will always trust you.  And if you think it’s a good idea for me to marry Prince Adam... when do I get to meet him?”  

My father grins at me.  “October first,” he says. “I haven’t met him either, but his father is a good man.  I’m sure he will be too.”

“I should hope so!” I reply.

“Oh, don’t fret Ester,” he says. “I’m sure you’ll have nothing to worry about.”

I smile at him, and he grins at me with his old teeth.  “I love you, Sunshine.  You can go to your room and get ready for bed if you wish.  I’m glad we talked about this.”

“Me too, Father,” I reply.  I get up, kiss him on the cheek, and bid him goodnight.

Juliette escorts me upstairs, and helps me change out of the tight dress and into silky bedclothes.  I take my tiara off and instantly feel lighter and happier.  Juliette undoes my braid, and then leaves.  It’s a relief to be alone again and in bed.  I think about what Prince Adam might be like.  I don’t expect to fall in love with him, but I hope that he is kind.  

I dream of the golden glow through many trees, and the secrets of the forest.

Comments & reviews · 4
ChocolateCello wrote a review Review · Aug 30, 2015

Hey! ChocolateCello here.

Okay, so the edits I would like to make are very general.

You put a lot of detail into your writing. Detail is good, but make sure not to over do it. Some of your sentences felt uncomfortable with the abundance of description that you squeezed into them. Make it a rule not to describe the same thing with more than one word at a time.

carefully detangle my wavy, dark-blonde hair

This is okay, you described the color of the hair and the texture, but something like this...
He pours the hot, steamy liquid into my small, china cup.

Maybe limit it to 'steamy liquid' and remove the 'hot'. If something doesn't play an important part in the story (The look of the tea, the shape of the window, etc.) Then don't take too much time describing it.

“November sixth!?” I am shocked. That is less than two months away! “Father, I can’t be married on November sixth! I’m just barely seventeen! I’m not ready! I’m still a child! I won’t do it, and you can’t make me!” My voice had been growing louder and louder, I realize now. My father’s face stiffens and I wait for the reprimanding.


Also, you use a lot of exclamation points here. Yes, this needs to have emotion, but find another way to convey that. Even just simply saying 'I feel myself go cold' or 'My stomach flips' would add emotion. Additionally, in general, you need to add more of the speakers thoughts. You have some thinking, yes, but how are they feeling? You say things like 'I am shocked' but that doesn't describe a lot.

Finally, you state a lot of things rather directly.
I wipe my face, and quickly depart from my room. Juliette has been waiting for me in the hall.

Try to reword things like this. "I wipe my face and quickly depart from my room, finding that Juliette has been waiting for me in the hall." Try to combine things when you can (Avoid comma splices) just to make things smoother and help the story develop a better flow.

Really great concept! I hope to see more storied like this!

Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello

Thank you so much, ChocolateCello! I do think you have some excellent points that I will consider. Thanks for reviewing! I also wanted to let you know that I just posted the second chapter.
-ChloeJoelle

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Gristlecharm
Review
Gristlecharm wrote a review Review · Aug 21, 2015

Hello.
I like what you've done here with the original Beauty and the Beast story. You have added more depth and made the characters more rounded.
I think the opening of the story is a little dry and it nears on becoming a description of the weather. The reader gets the point that Belle is yearning to see the forest - and presumably the rest of the world - but it goes a little too long.
I also think when she is discussing her wedding plans with her father that she gives in WAY too easily. I know the idea in these kind of time periods was that women were submissive to what their male superiors told them to do, but even so, Belle has previously been suggested here to be a head strong character - yet she just gives in. That doesn't really fit.
In general I think you write well and you have a strong sense of the theme of your work here. This is a very clever story that I think will come off very well.

Well done.

Thank you for the feedback! I don't think you understood. This is NOT Belle, this is Ester Rose Paramoss (The enchantress who turns Adam into the beast originally). Belle has not come into the story, and I don't plan to write about her. Anyway, you have nice points that I will keep in mind.
Thanks!
-ChloeJoelle

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Lightsong
Review
Lightsong wrote a review Review · Aug 20, 2015

Hey, it's me to give the requested review! :D

Your story's premise is interesting. I know this would end to the guy being the Beast, but to explore the story behind that is refreshing, more so when we are going to focus on the "enchantress" who dared to make such thing to the guy.

This chapter is dialogue-based. I don't mind dialogues, I personally like them, but it would be better to add something more than just dialogues.

“Are you alright, m’lady?” she says with a concerned look.


This one for instance. "Concerned look" is a telling description where you straightly said she has a concerned look. You didn't show how does a concerned look looks like. Perhaps she frowned, covered her mouth with her hand to hide the gasp, etc. By doing this, there would be more body language which tells us how the character acts like based on her personality, just like dialogues do.

“Father, I can’t be married on November sixth! I’m just barely seventeen! I’m not ready! I’m still a child! I won’t do it, and you can’t make me!”


Too much exclamation mark! Just one is enough. Readers would have trouble to digest these loud dialogues. Exclamation mark is done to show shock or surprise, and if you can show that with just one, then go with one only.

Juliette escorts me upstairs, and helps me change out of the tight dress and into silky bedclothes. I take my tiara off and instantly feel lighter and happier. Juliette undoes my braid, and then leaves. It’s a relief to be alone again and in bed. I think about what Prince Adam might be like. I don’t expect to fall in love with him, but I hope that he is kind.


She felt lighter and happier that fast? Doesn't she still have lingering thoughts about the wedding - some concerns on how it's too fast, on how she hasn't met the prince? I feel like the transition of feeling is too rushing here.


Overall, this is a nice chapter. Your vocabulary is high level, and there's a certain fluidity in your sentences. There isn't much of a hook to keep me reading this novel though; if I were you, I would drag the wedding matter until the ending, where I would reveal about its date. There isn't much conflict too - maybe her argument with Father stretches longer, or due to that, she sulks and thinks about something as a rebellious act? I feel like there are more that can be thrown here. Suspense, conflicts and cliffhangers are things that would attract you readers to keep reading the novel.

That's all. Keep up the good job! :D

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artybirdy
Review
artybirdy wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2015

I haven't read anything like this before and, hence, I'd like to applaud you for your originality. I always like to explore the "bad" characters to gain a real, in-depth understanding of their actions. In the books/movies of Beauty and the Beast, the enchantress was portrayed negatively and, correct me if I'm wrong, she was rarely mentioned. Thus, I'm interested to read her story. This chapter has me hooked and I'm excited to know about the possibilities. I'm shocked that at such a young age, Ester has been told to marry Adam, and I can sense she feels trapped in her castle. From the way it ended, I feel as if she yearns for freedom. The phrase, "the secrets of the forest" has intensified the mystery for me. I have no improvements to suggest.

Well done, and keep writing!

P S: Let me know when you post the next chapter. I'd love to review it. :)

Thank you so much, Artybirdy! I will tell you when I post another (as soon as I get enough points!) Thank you for reviewing!
-ChloeJoelle

No problem!
Sure. :)

Hey artybirdy! I wanted to let you know that I just posted the second chapter of Before Beauty. If you want to read it, I'd be grateful!
-ChloeJoelle

I'll check it out. Thanks for letting me know!

Of course! And number 3 is out too!



The opposite of belonging is fitting in.
— Dr. Brené Brown