I'm not really a poet. I just decided to write this poem. I feel dark . . . Here it is:
Screaming
Crying
Wailing
Yelling
Cries for mercy surround me
Survivors will astound me
one small yelp . . .
one little squeak . . .
one last crack . . .
And all is black
Darkness
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i really liked this poem- theres alot of fealing in it...i even had to ring my friend and tell her about it and she loved it-and she can be a tough critic!!
keep the writing up your really good! i even gave it a gold star!
roxy
I personally really like this poem. It isn't what I often read and it shows a lot of feeling. It seems really dramatic, but in a very fascinating way. I would like to read more poems that you write if you do decide to write more. You should really come up with random thoughts and write poems about them because I can tell that you could put a lot of depth into such a simple idea. I hope you continue writing more poetry! (so that maybe, I can read more!)
Thanks so much!!
Bailey
Hello there Vivacious. I'm Jas.
This poem started out great!!! Awesome, fully intrigued. Just these three lings bugged me
My suggestion to you is a thesaurus. They are our friends XD!
little, small, crack. C'mon, I know you can do better.
One more thing is that it ends so quickly. Just. Bleh, the end.
Fix those two things and this could be a great poem. Good job! Keep up the good work!
Hey there Vivacious! I'm Kat and I'm gonna review this for you. O.O You're eleven? And a junior already? God, I remember when I was eleven...
Moving on.
The review!
So, first of all, short. Really short. A poem should have a little more length, in your case. There are some short poems that sound nice, but because they can display the subject in a more detailed way. This is a bit empty.
A poem isn't obligated to have rhyming, but it makes it more fun to read with rhyming. I'd advice you to do some rhyming on this one. As for grammar, I didn't found anything but something could have slipped.
The beginning is a bit... hard. When you start a poem like this, like a list of actions it seems empty in feelings and descriptions. The imagery here is lacking. Imagery is when you make the reader fell what you feel or felt, not to read what you felt, to see or hear what you saw or heard. Am I making my point?
As for the emptiness, it's in the feelings that are missing. Because you describe what happened. Not how the person felt. And that's not very good on a poem.
So, I advice you to review this and try to fix the points I pointed out. I'm sure someone will review too and give you more advice.
Hope I helped!
*Kat*