When you get what you want in your struggle for self, And the world makes you long for a day, Just go to the mirror and look at yourself there will be many things and realizations for what you fought for and that is what gives you your unasked answer, And see what THAT man has to say. For if it is not your father or mother or wife Whose judgment upon you must pass. The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back in the glass because in the end no matter wherever you are or how big the problem is there will be only the glass man staring into you and will give you an honest opinion like no other.
Some people might think you are a straight shooting chum and call you a wonderful guy, But the man in the glass says you're only a bum, If you can't look him straight in the eye. He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, For he's with you right up to the end. And you have passed your most difficult test If the guy in the glass is your friend You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years, and get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears If you have cheated the man in the glass.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hello, I'm Maddie and I'll be reviewing your work!
First off, I'd like to start with how I have seen this happen before, with the evil "Man in the Mirror" thing. This one doesn't seem all the different, until I hit the end. WOW.
Now, for my nitpicks. This is short. Like really short. Is that the reason that you wanted to have it under "other" and not "Short Story?"
You have a crudload of run-on sentences in this piece, and even some words that are capitalized after commas. Maybe you meant for those commas to be periods. Maybe you did.
Now, I'm off the nitpicks.
You went through all the stuff in this piece so quickly, like it was a flash fiction almost. Yet you still touched them all nicely. The rhymes in "Straight shooting chum" and "Only a bum" offer great juxtaposition and mention quite nicely that I can't help but linger on it for just a second longer.
HOLY DANG I love your ending here. A tad confusing, because I can't help but wonder if it's good or bad that we deny our mirrored selves. It was really vivid and kept me thinking for that last moment. Thanks for writing this, I really liked it.
Keep Writing,
Maddie out!
I think I understand what you're trying to stay, though I agree that it's a little confusing at the end... if you aren't looking for certain things. Luckily, I managed to make the connection when I saw the title that "The man in the glass" is an equivalent to the man in the mirror. This entire thing is basically talking about what they try to tell you from the beginning- what other people think about you doesn't mean anything if you don't love yourself. You can outwardly act confident, or act anything else, but, every morning, you get to look in the mirror, and if you aren't really happy with who you are, you can't fool yourself. You can't fool the man in the glass. No matter how much you tell him otherwise, he knows exactly what you're like, he's knows you better than any of those people that see only your good traits, he's the brutally honest one who makes the final choice- did you reach your potential? Most of the time, the answer is no.
Great piece! I'll be sure to check out your other stuff.
Additional thing: I'm a little confuzzled about the end when you say "if you have cheated the man in the glass." Maybe I'm not very perceptive, but I can't find much lead-in to it. Perhaps, if you WERE to lengthen it, support that statement more? But still, interesting stuff.
Interesting concept here. I've seen many similar adaptations here, like "man in the mirror" or "mirrored self," but this has been seemingly the most effective to me. "Man in the Glass" might do better as the title of this piece, as it is ambiguous enough to go off on its own and required me to figure out what you meant.
Other than that title suggestion, perhaps make it just a little longer? I can totally understand what kind of thing you're going for, but some more examples of this mirrored relationship would only strengthen this in my opinion.
Keep up the good work!
- Nate