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Young Writers Society


12+

Chiravian Knights - Chapter 3

by ChiravianSkies


Sikla dug her face into the stone floor of the cell, angry at herself for getting into this mess. Why did she have to go swimming in the river? Heck, why did Aecor have to pick her up out of the water?

Now she was in a cell. Small, dark, and wet enough to drive even a Sea Triber over the edge.

She heard the grinding sound of the boulder door in her cell open, and she whipped her head up, nearly whacking her head on the sharp ceiling.

“You,” a voice said.

Sikla narrowed her eyes at the blinding light, and also in distrust for this chiravian. He was probably just another Cave Triber here to move her to an even smaller cell. Having been in there for only an hour, she already knew that she was one of the least welcome chiravians there could be.

“You!” he said again. “I’d listen if I were you.”

She stared at him. “Whaddya want?” she called at him, bitterly raising her wings. “Surely I’m miserable enough.”

“And I can make you less miserable, Sikla.” His talons clicked on smoother stone.

She stared at him. Listening to his voice, it wasn’t Aecor or Mayros. Why would he know her name? “Sure.”

The boulder slid open further and a light grey chiravian with brown paws crept in, his shoulders jutting out because of his crouch. “I've got a fair amount of say around the tribe. You just need to answer some questions.”

Her ears raised.

“First, why’d you attack general Aecor?”

Attack? “I was just trying to defend myself!” she said indignantly.

“By biting off a military official’s wing?”

“By fighting him back! That patrol went after me!” She felt her hackles raising, and her wings spreading out defensively. At least, as far as they could spread in the minuscule cell.

“I’ve got reports from two captains. You were waiting to kill them on our own territory. Hardly expect a chirlet like you to be sent, though.”

“I was swimming in the river! Aecor saved me.” She ground her talons into the stone.

“And then you attacked him.”

“No, I was trying to get back to my side before they--”

“But my captains say otherwise.”

Sikla glared at him. “Your captains?” she asked. Why was his story changing? “You’re obviously lying, you prawn-faced pile of whale puke.”

“Be careful who you’re talking to,” he sharply retorted.

“And who would that be?” she sneered.

“King Argryis of the Caves.”

Sikla furrowed her brows. He probably expected her to think of him as this high-and-lofty creature who could control everything done to her. And he easily was. But if the cell she was in was the best this “king” could do, then he certainly wasn’t something to be respected for it. To the contrary, she detested him for it.

“You’re still a liar. King or not,” she spat.

The chiravian seemed to grow larger as she said it. Argryis glared at her and started backing away. “Frouros!” she heard him call. “One meal every two days.” He cringed as a drop of water splattered on his head. Dry-foot. “She should have enough water in here,” he seethed.

To her, he whispered, “When you’re ready to tell your king the truth, then you can tell him. I’ll be waiting.”

“King? You’re not the Sea Tribe’s king, last I heard,” she grumbled.

“Under my volcano, I’m your king. Understood?” He stalked out of the doorway and pushed the boulder shut.

She splayed her talons out. If she could claw him. Slash him. She’d obviously hurt Aecor badly enough. Why not the king who probably ordered her kidnapping? She prepared to jump at him, but the boulder grinding shut disoriented her and blockaded her from getting at the king.

She gave an angry grunt and laid back down. Maybe she was dreaming. She hoped she was.

***

Noctua woke in the centre of a courtyard. At least, she thought it was, judging by the stone wall and floors. To make the courtyard that much more... different looking was a hot spring raised over the ground shaded by a red-barked tree branch. But there weren’t any bubbles. It was just a pool of still water in an above-ground bowl. In the centre was an island, but she couldn’t see the use of it. 

Another thought came to her mind. She’d never woken up here. She’d never seen the place in her life. And there weren’t any chiravians to be seen. In a normal courtyard, chiravians of the higher ranks all spent their day there, trying to make their way up. Here, there wasn’t even the sound of a hawk’s screech.

Well, she thought. If she was brought here, there had to be someone around to talk to. That’s how it was with nearly every single visit she’d been here for.

“Hello?” she called. Maybe the chiravian was behind the fountain. f there was one. As she crept to it, she wondered if anyone would even be there. It certainly didn’t seem like it.

She crept around the pool, keeping her head low in case another creature was hiding. Maybe not even hiding.

Her wing brushed the surface of the pond, and Noctua leaped back as it started bubbling like a hot spring. She looked down at it, but saw no steam. What in the world was it? Then she was answered. Four geysers at the edges of the pool shot water up into the air. She prepared to get herself soaked with cold spring water, but stopped. She looked up.

Instead of the water coming down and raining n her, it seemed to morph in the moment between rise and fall into something else. White and light-looking. Snow? She’d only seen it a few times at the summit of the volcano. And even then it was during a rare winter where snow actually could fall. Ash, maybe?

“Hey, you.” Noctua turned around as she heard a voice, bringing her back to reality.

“Hello?” She twitched her ears, looking for a response.

“Come here.” The voice was young-sounding, like he was a chiravian that had just grown out of chirlet-hood.

She twitched her ears, listening to the sound and figuring out where it was from. Finally, she caught it. The pair of yellow eyes beneath a fern’s giant shadow. His paws were just outside of where the courtyard’s stone ended.

She walked towards him slowly. “Why can’t you?”

“Because Silver Eyes has the place enchanted. And if she knows I’m at the courtyard... Let’s just say that she isn’t exactly the most forgiving creature.”

The thought of Silver Eyes struck her. The first Forest Chiravian? Athene called her the first Seer often. “But the stories said that she’s--”

“Kind, caring, and always willing to help others. It’s pure crap and if you believe it isn’t then you’re a fool.” In undertones, he added, “The stories are just something to tell other Seers how to act.”

Nobody had ever sworn at her before. Who would? She stepped closer to him, head raised high and ears raised. Before she could filter herself, her beak started moving. “And who are you to talk like that?”

He laughed. “Who are you to reprimand a spirit?”

Noctua didn’t skip a beat. “Princess Noctua of the Caves.”

“King Asmos of the Caves. In life, we’d respect one another. Here, we’re just spirits.” He laughed.

Asmos? She felt as though she should remember the name, but she couldn’t think of anything to match it. “Just spirits?”

“Exactly that...” He stopped and stared above her, his ears and tail lowering. “We need to go.”

It was only then she became aware of leathery wings flapping down. “Who did this?” she heard someone shout.

“Let’s go. Now!” The chiravian turned around and bolted into the woods, kicking away ferns and clumps of moss.

Noctua tried to follow but her claws dug into the wrong places at the wrong times. Her talons grabbed into anything they touched for longer than a second. Her paws stumbled below her, and every time she ducked she felt herself just getting closer to falling.

Finally, she did. She slid against the ground, stopping as her head hit a red root. She looked up and tried looking for Asmos, who seemed to have the best idea in mind, but she couldn’t even hear the pounding of paws in the dirt any more.

“You!” she heard the same chiravian say again. She turned her head to see a chiravian more silver-furred than brown. She expected to see talons jutting from her green paws, but saw only soft fur. “Get up!”

Noctua scrambled to her paws, gazing up at the chiravian to look it in the eyes. “Yes?”

“Did you touch the fountain?” the chiravian seethed. Her tail was raised and her ears were held high.

“I--I--”

“Did you or did you not, Dammit?”

“Y--yes.” She stopped.

The chiravian stared back for a moment, leaving Noctua feeling smaller than she already was.

“I didn’t mean to--”

“Of course you didn’t mean to!” she exploded. “Surely you weren’t told by Argryis to-- It wasn’t Argryis, was it?”

Noctua looked down. “No...”

“I knew it. Asmos did it, that dirty pile of mold. If I see him again I’ll...”

“Wait,” she said.

“Get out,” she said.

“I can explain!”

“Get out! Now!”

“It wasn’t--” Her vision distorted as the chiravian turned and ran away to the courtyard.

Before she knew it, she was staring at the Boulder.


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Sun Sep 27, 2015 4:36 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a review (for team Tardis!)

{this review has nothing to do with the previous chapters!}

I liked the descriptions of the characters- and from what I can tell is that a chiravian is a type of cat/dragon and the MC is one who is locked in prison (lovely way to stay. I would honestly chosen staying in the water more than anything just saying). Anyway, you have a great description throughout this chapter also the characters actions towards each other- especially the part where the MC is trying to say she didn't mean to attack the General Aecor but instead was trying to protect herself. The other character, seems to strongly believe she attacked Aecor out of spite of wanting to attack something (duh). Also I enjoyed the bickering between the two- nicely done.
I quited like how you change perspective from Sikla to Noctua- and most people including me cannot make it as smoothly/ transition that well. Also it seems they share the same story but Noctua seems more adventurous to things that are around her. In her part, it seems she is in a place that she has no idea where she is at and worries that there could be no chiravians anywhere (because since where she is at there should be).
Also that could foreshadow something ;)

There are some parts of this chapter that need to be in italics since they are thoughts, not spoken to the direct reader.

Sikla narrowed her eyes at the blinding light, and also in distrust for this chiravian. He was probably just another Cave Triber here to move her to an even smaller cell. Having been in there for only an hour, she already knew that she was one of the least welcome chiravians there could be.


What I suggest for this little paragraph is this:

Sikia narrowed her eyes at the blinding light and in distrust for this chiravian...

Honestly, I feel like distrust isn't the correct word to use here. Maybe mistrust . Here is a site that could explain in it more than I can (because I cannot do words): Distrust vs Mistrust
However, you can leave it the way you have it. Just a simple suggestion.

Overall, this was a lovely piece to read- including the description of how they ran. Also it leaves me wondering who shouted the woods that made Noctura and Asmos run. Nicely done and I hope to read more from you!

If you want me to go over anything, let me know!

Steggy




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Fri Sep 25, 2015 4:54 am
sinistercutlass wrote a review...



You have some well-described creatures here: the scrabbling of Noctua's claws, the swishing tails, etc. Do you have some images of these creatures?

I loved that description of the geyser of ash :) It was very vivid and atmospheric.

Noctua is a fun character. I'm interested to see more of her interactions with Asmos. Why did he fly away from her?

One thing though: 'crap' isn't a swear.






Thanks. I kinda wanted to put a different perspective on the fountain-vision in the prologue.

Really, until this Summer, "crap" was a major swear to me. Right under the S word, to be honest. And I'd imagine, to a princess raised with a bunch of formal chiraves, she'd be rather shocked at a "lower kind of language" being thrown at her. Idk.

Oh! And Asmos was fine with being around Noctua, but when the third chiravian came in, he knew it was time to go. The other chiravian was the Silver Eyes that he loathes so much. (Asmos was a young king who caused a rather serious event a llloooonnnggg time ago.)

So, yeah. Thanks for the review!



User avatar
30 Reviews


Points: 370
Reviews: 30

Donate

User avatar
30 Reviews


Points: 370
Reviews: 30

Donate
Fri Sep 25, 2015 4:53 am
sinistercutlass says...



You have some well-described creatures here: the scrabbling of Noctua's claws, the swishing tails, etc. Do you have some images of these creatures?

I loved that description of the geyser of ash :) It was very vivid and atmospheric.

Noctua is a fun character. I'm interested to see more of her interactions with Asmos. Why did he fly away from her?

One thing though: 'crap' isn't a swear.




chhlovebooks says...


Swear jar alert! Sorry, I am super against swearing, I was just browsing but when I saw this, I could not help myself. Anyway, put a quarter in the swear jar because you cursed. XD sorry dude, but this is me, deal with it! Also, I kid about the quarter. I only hunt my friends down when they don't pay up. *creepy aura and smile*





You clearly haven't been exposed to the worst curses.





(Sorry. Couldn't reply on the other review up above. Heh.) And I forgot. I've got chiravian images. :) ) https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/25825015/




Let the wild rumpus start!
— Maurice Sendak