The Ticket to Trust CH. 2 - Ruby Springs

“Well, come on.” The deputy rose from his seat and reached to unlock Drew’s handcuffs. There was a click, and one slipped off his right wrist and clanked against the side of the seat. Drew rubbed his chaffed wrist as the deputy took in hand the end of the cuffs. He waited till Drew had stopped rubbing his wrist and then locked the cuff back on.

“Grr…” Drew growled, just about through with the deputy’s paranoid procedures. He walked in front of the deputy, who prodded him from behind. “Get a move on Chandler,” the deputy said, shoving Drew forward towards the exit of the train car. Drew stumbled and stepped outside onto the wooden platform. His eyes looked around, taking in everything with cold perception. The people scrambling about on the platform didn’t seem to take much notice of him. Either, Drew thought, they were too busy to notice him or they were used to seeing this sort of thing. He grunted and walked with his escort underneath the protective overhang of a platform.

Drew’s attention turned to a man trying to get a mule to move down the street. There was a cart hitched behind her, and suddenly decided she didn’t like the manners of the driver. In fact, she sat her rear right down the middle of the dirt road and refused to move. The man swore at the mule and the mule replied with a loud, long bray. A couple bystanders laughed, and stood around to watch the fun rather than help the man get his mule moving.

“Just like you.” Remarked the deputy. “Stubborn as a mule.” Drew hissed at him. He turned and continued watching the man and the stubborn mule.

The deputy turned and scanned the crowd. “The sheriff said he’d meet us here.” mumbled the deputy under his breath.

“Howdy! Deputy Brett Chauncey I take it?” The deputy turned around to face a middle-aged man behind him with the star of the law pinned on his vest. The man smiled warmly.

“Yes sir.” he said. “And I take it you’re Jake McCoy?”

“That I am, son.” He answered. “And this here must be Drew Chandler.” he laid a hand on Drew’s shoulder.

Drew shrugged Jake’s hand off coldly. “Don’t touch me…” He growled.

The deputy elbowed Drew. “Don’t mind him, he’s as ornery as an old mule. Been that way all the way from Wyoming.”

“I see.” mused Jake while eyeing Drew.

Drew watched the two men talk and groaned. This was certainly going to take a while. He tapped his handcuffs against his legs, making a clanking sound that made him look more like a desperate convict than a troubled teen.

“Hey you. George Washington!” Came a person’s voice from behind Drew. Drew turned and came face to face with the annoying man who had teased him earlier. He quickly reached up and grabbed his hat with his hands and clenched it in his fists. He had learned his lesson this time.

“Now, no need for that.” The other man said. “I've… come up to apologize.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry for snatching your hat earlier. There.” He grunted, scrutinizing Drew carefully.

“Hmph.” grumbled Drew. “Well I guess I…UPH!” Drew gasped as a fist hit him square in the stomach, causing him to double over in pain. He looked up into the man’s face, choking for breath.

“Maybe I’m not so sorry after all.” came the bully’s voice. An idiotic grin was spread across his face as he settled into a fighting stance. The groan and the thud as Drew stumbled has cause a few heads to turn, including those of Jake and Brett’s.

“Why you…” Drew straightened up and leapt forward, ramming his shoulder into the bully’s chest. He had knocked him to the floor before Jake or Brett could do anything about it.

Drew threw himself on top of his attacker and hit him with both of his hands. He swung the handcuffs, causing them to hit the side of the bully’s face. The man grunted and rolled over, forcing Drew off. Dust rose of the platform and some of the cowhands hanging around started cheering for whichever fighter they favored.

“Now that’s enough!!” ordered the voice of Jake who broke through the crowd, grabbed Drew by the shirt collar, the bully by his, and pulled them both to their feet. “Git back to yer own business. Y’all know better than to egg these two on!” He cast a disapproving look on the surrounding crowd, all of which suddenly acted like they had something important to attend to. Elsewhere.

“I saw what happened there and you,” he said, glaring at the man. “You started that whole issue. I ought to lock you up with him!” Jake let go and shoved him backwards. “Get out of here. I don’t want to see you around Drew again.”

The man sneered and turned, scuttling off into the crowd. Jake turned to Drew. “And you, you heard me yell. You should have stopped when I told you to.”

Drew glowered and stared at the floor, not answering. He personally didn’t care a whit for what the sheriff said.

“See sheriff, I told you. He's one you got always watch.” Piped up Deputy Chauncey.

“Yeah, I figured.” Replied Jake. He looked at the deputy and then looked at Drew. To Drew’s surprised he didn’t glare down upon him with disdain, but rather had look of pity in his eyes.

“You two had supper yet?” Jake asked.

The deputy shook his head a little too eagerly, while Drew again, grunted.

“Well then. There’s good eating in a little place downtown. Right next to the general store. My daughter is a friend of the owner’s daughter. Come on. All day in a train has got to do a number on your appetite.” A grin spread across Jake’s tanned face.

“Why That’s mighty kind of you.” Thanked Brett, squinting with an air of importance at the setting sun. “I think I’ll take you up on that.”

Drew didn’t say a word, just shot the deputy a disgusted look. The last thing he wanted to do was walk into a restaurant with handcuffs on, let alone try to eat with them. He rolled his eyes and walked after Jake and Brett.

“Good. Come on kid,” beckoned Jake. “Ya look near starved to death. And Mr. Chauncey, you kin take those handcuffs off now.”

“But… What if he tries to run away? The deputy shifted his stance uncomfortably.

“I don’t think he will. Sides. Who’d want to run away from a good meal anyhow?” Jake took the keys and unlocked Drew's handcuffs, letting them drop to the ground. He eyed the bruises on Drew’s wrists. “I think Sally might have some sort of salve for that,”

“I’m fine. I don’t need nothin’ ‘r nobody.” Drew crossed his arms, something hadn’t been able to do with the handcuffs on. He shot the deputy a “see, I told you” face.

“Kid, listen.” Jake caught Drew’s glance and looked him straight in the eyes. “Everyone needs somethin or somebody at some point in time. Now shush up and c’mon. You come get some supper in you and then ya kin come over and we’ll find ya a place to sleep for tonight.”

“Yeah. Snapped Drew. Like, in the jail.”

Jake sighed and turned, leading the way to the café. This was going to be a long, long evening.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Thu Dec 29, 2016 5:52 pm

Hello!
I haven't reviewed in a while, so this might be really rough... Anyway, I'll get on with it (and try my best to give you a good review)!

“Grr…” Drew growled,


This seems redundant (having the onomatopoeia and the dialogue tag in the same sentence). May just be my personal preference, but I found it slightly distracting as a reader when reading this.

Just a side comment that normally when a new character begins to speak, you begin a new paragraph. That being said, I think that you technically can do what you did, as long as the reader is not confused... I would go ahead and insert a new paragraph every time another character speaks though, just to be on the safe side.

Normally when you have an accent in a story, it becomes really (REALLY) distracting and annoying. However, you managed to add one in throughout the entire chapter, and it really added to the overall setting (and wasn't annoying at all)! Kudos to you on that! ;)

There are a couple other minor problems I like to call "housekeeping" (e.g., a capitalized letter where there shouldn't be one), but those are easily fixed, and I only found a couple. Other than that, and what Wolfical had mentioned, this is really nice! I really like the idea of it! Great job, and keep writing!

~Snazz Pizzazz
Happy Review Day!

My auto correct messes with capitalization ugh. I'll get to that. Thanks for the review!

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AkeliaTaske
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I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEE THIS! *tries to calm self* Whew. Nice job! I can't wait to find out what happens later! Even though I already know some of it :)

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Wolfi
Review
Wolfi wrote a review · Fri Dec 23, 2016 4:01 am

Howdy once more, Chie ~

“Just like you.” Remarked the deputy.

Remember the no-period/no-capitalization dialogue tag rule!

He tapped his handcuffs against his legs

I'm having difficulty picturing how he's doing that. Aren't the handcuffs up where his hands are?

To Drew’s surprised he didn’t glare down upon him with disdain, but rather had look of pity in his eyes.

People I don't like: the deputy, the bully. People I do like: Zeke and this sheriff.

Everyone needs somethin or somebody at some point in time.

Theme theme theme!

Jake sighed and turned, leading the way to the café. This was going to be a long, long evening.

Is that Jake thinking that? If not, it sure seems like it is. I thought this was third person limited on Drew.

Although this chapter is short and stands most probably as a filler between scenes, several new things about the different characters is exposed. First, we learn that Drew can be forgiving - an honorable trait for a protagonist. Next, it's rehashed that the bully is an absolute jerk and can in no possible scenario be trusted. Lastly, and most importantly, we meet Jake and see that he's a pretty chill guy. He reminds me of Zeke because he seems like a possible mentor character. He already had that awesome theme sentence I mentioned earlier. Something tells me that, like Zeke, Jake understands what's going on with Drew. He's seen it a hundred times. But unlike Zeke, he's seen it from the opposite, more proper side - law's side.

I'm always going to say this, but a few more descriptions about Drew's initial opinions on Ruby Springs would be nice. I'd like to know what he smells, hears, feels, and sees. I also never got an explanation as to why he had to be transported across states on the train. Perhaps next chapter will reveal it?

Awesome job. Keep it up, cowgirl ;)

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AlexOfLight
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This is awesome!! I honestly don't see anything wrong with it.



Once you have people's attention, you have a greater responsibility to tell them something of value.
— Tobias Forge (Ghost B.C.)