At first it rained
and then it poured.
Lightning bore up to the sky
and the gods applause
resounded off the rigid mountains.
We danced,
and sang
and cried.
In the tears of Mother Earth
we watched life unfold.
Each drop pounded into
the hillside and hid the mountain tops.
Misty clouds of slate
raced north towards the heavens.
Far away were our minds,
distanced by love and poetry.
Our souls drank each rain drop
and we were healed.
For a brief moment in time,
we were real.
The Earth does that,
she never ceases to amaze,
and force us to open our minds
and see with eyes unclouded by
hate.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey chey
fangirl here,
First of all I love the layout of your poem .It really adds up to the fun of reading it.
Your poem is beautifully written. A remarkable effort of yours. I like the concept of your poem ... The words that you have used fit perfectly to the sentiment of your work... Your poem is perfect and requires zero editting
"Our souls drank each rain drop
and we were healed"
These *according to me* are the best lines of your poem.
HAPPY REVIEW DAY
fangirl~
This is an amazing poem! It is so visula and gives so much life! In my m0ind, I pictured the national park, with a hillside, and young people around a dying camp fire dancing and singing in the rain full of life and freedom. You took something so simple and turned it into something so amazing. You are very talented. This is an absolutely wonderful poem. Great job.
The only thing I would changing is "resounded off the rigid mountains" to "resounding" or "towering mountains" That's it.