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Following the stars - chapter 1

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Imagination

“Rousree, I’m telling you one last time. It's already 5 am, everyone is up, but you!” Rousree shifted under her blanket clenching her eyes and frowning. If not for the clock on her bedside table, you couldn't tell that it was morning at all. She dragged herself out of bed and across the room. Leaving the socks on, she put on her pants and fasten the belt to hold them up. Her muddy boots from yesterday reached her knees and her once white shirt was way too big. She slowly walked down the stairs to the busy kitchen.
“Finally,” said her mother sitting her down at the table and making an attempt at brushing out her red, messy hairdo. Rousree screamed in pain as soon as the brush tugged on her hair.
“Let me eat first at least,” she mumbled irritated.
“We should have cut it even shorter to save us the time and nerves,” her mother replayed at the verge of her temper and poured another glass of milk for Mo.

Rousree was just about to finish her sandwich when her father walked through the door letting the cold wind in.
“Come on now, are you done yet?” Buk continued “Naona is already in the stables.”
“Of course she is”, Rousree thought to herself. She left the table and followed Buk out through the front door out in the cold wind. With a fast walk, they soon reached the stable and walked in. In here was no wind. Just the smell of hay and kamas. In every box were up to 4 of them. An animal covered with short fur and strong paws. On top of their necks and tails grew hair that was carefully trimmed. A kamas hair was excellent for making ropes, strong and durable. Besides the hair, you could also sell their meat, skin and milk. A perfect farming animal. As Rousree made her way to the other side of the stable, the kamas reached with their heads and sniffed at her hair. She opened the main entrance and Buk and Naona started to drive the herd out. Today the weather wasn't great so they would have to enjoy the grass in the small pasture.

“Catch”, said Buk throwing a hayfork to Rousree. She awkwardly caught it almost dropping it and bitterly looked at him. He smiled at her and made his way to Naona who already started cleaning the boxes. Rousree turned around and went to start with the boxes at the other end of the stable. The stable was huge and held around 100 kamas with meant there was a lot of work to do before dinner.

They didn't have much left when Rousrees mother, Saragail walked into the stable holding Mo in her arms.
“Do you guys need a rest?” she started “I have a snack for you at home”. Buk stood up and dried the sweat from his forehead.
“Sure, honey”, he replied in a slow and tired voice. Rousree leaned her hayfork against the stable wall and ran home through the drizzle.

She was done eating way before everyone else. Without a word, she walked out through the front door and past the stable out in the pasture. Some kamas lifted their heads up when they saw her but proceeded to continue eating when reassured there was no threat around. She walked through the herd and to the other side of the pasture. Jumping over the fence and headed to the Dragonfly Creek. Once there she sat down on a rock, smiling. She took out her pocket knife and a bit of a tree bark and started carving a boat. One after the other she let them sail away in the water as she watched.
“What, more cargo?” she said imitating a dark voice and placed a small stone on the slowly sinking barkship.
“We won't be able to make it, save yourselves!” she continued as the ship sank.

Heavy raindrops started to fall from the sky and another of Rousrees ship sank. She put away her knife and started to run home before the storm got any worse. Over the fence and through the empty pasture, through the mud and in through the front door.
“Where were you?” Buk asked with disappointment in his eyes.
“I-I was, at the lake-” she stumbled.
“You weren't supposed to clean any boxes at the lake as far as I can remember,” her mother interrupted and Buk walked out of the kitchen. Now that he was gone, she was screwed.
“I was-” she thought of a good answer “helping Mr Flake with-”
“Oh, stop with that nonsense! Up to your room, now!” Rousree took off her boots as fast as she could and with them in her hand run up the stairs as fast as she could. That was close. It could have gone way worse. She took out a book from her bookshelf, laid down on her bed and started to read “Adventures of Juko and the sunken ship”. 

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Kanome
Review
Kanome wrote a review · Sun Feb 25, 2018 1:53 am

Hello, in honor of review day, I would love to leave a helpful review for you.

NITPICKS:
The only one I was able to find was this:

“Of course she is”, Rousree thought to herself.

When I think of thought dialogue, what I usually use as a way the character is speaking though their thoughts is that I put their dialogue in italics. To me, it helps the reader understand what the character is personally thinking, and it helps them not to be confused with actual dialogue spoken aloud between other characters. This should help:
Of course she is. Rousree thought to herself.

IMPROVEMENT:
I don't see no room for improvement right now, so great job!

OVERALL:
This was a great read and a great start of a story. The imagery on the farm was well-detailed and it really helped me understand the aspect of a farm or ranch since I never really worked in one myself. All I can say is keep up the great work and can't wait to read the next chapter update. Keep writing!

User avatar
RaidenCheese
Review

Hey there! I'm going to try to leave a helpful review!

There was one place where you put the comma on the outside of the quotation marks. But it looks like a small typo. Just thought I'd point it out.

Anyway, now that that little nitpick is out of the way, I liked this. It was well written, and I think you conveyed Rousree's feelings very well.

I wonder who Mr. Flake is though; he sounds - from the extremely brief description - like one of those old guys who're happy to see young children, and who tells them stories about the old days.

If I'm honest I'm a bit confused at where this is going. Not that I'm not interested, it's just, I can't see where this is going. Unless of course, that's what you intended. IN which case, you've succeeded! (My review hasn't gone well, has it?)

In any case, I'd like to see where this is going. I'm interested, so I'll be waiting to see the next chapter!



a little humanity makes all the difference
— Rosendorn