Hidden in the shadows at the end of the hall, the dark silhouette of a boy blended seamlessly into the darkness, watching...waiting. His liquid onyx eyes tracked every movement of the woman, calculating how he would make his next move. He'd been watching her for the last several days, and everything was now falling into place.
The young woman, who couldn't have been more the twenty, noticed nothing, unaware of the creature not ten feet away. And even if she had, she would have thought nothing of it, passing it off as nerves. From what the boy had gathered, she wasn't the suspicious type.
It always pays to learn something of your intended prey, he thought to himself. It was the one rule he lived by, the only one that mattered.
He turned his attention back to the girl. She was busying herself for a date that had no connection to the material world. She would never lay eyes on the endearing man she had met at the library, to be brutally honest, she never had. But, of course, she didn't know that. She never would.
She seemed quite happy as she blow dried her pale waves straight. She had dressed for the occasion, a sequined pink halter dress that came mid-thigh. Her heels were waiting by her bedroom door. It was a shame to loose such beauty when the world held so little of it, but better her then just anyone. And if she stuck to her usual routine, then she would be ready to head out in precisely ten minutes .
A cruel smile slowly spread across his face. Already, he could feel his essence expanding so that it overtook the entire house. She would only see what he wanted her to, and no one would see anything he didn't want them to. The poor girl would never know that it was really her own fault, her dying. She was only a victim of her own feeble mind.
He could already imagine it, her light eyes, the picture of serenity as of now, would be clouded by a terror so acute that she would be paralyzed by her own fear. She would cower and scream, claw at the walls in a desperate attempt to escape the torment of death.
The police would never have a suspect, never even determine cause of death. Because there wouldn't be a single blemish or discoloration on her creamy skin. Nothing would have touched her.
Humans were just too easy, their minds so weak, they could be made to believe anything.
Hi there Chelsea! Ita here to review. (on a side note, I really like your username and avatar).
So let me start off by saying I liked this quite a lot. I'm quite eager to read more, in fact. I like your style, and there were no grammatical mistakes I could spot! ^_^
After reading it though, it left me vaguely dissapointed. As in, it's an okay spot to end the 'chapter', but it makes things a tad to short for my tastes. I would have liked to know what happens, instead of having to wait for the next chapter (I most certainly hope there will be one).
So now, for the nit-picks. Small ones though.
Firstly, there's an incorrect use of dashes. A single dash is used when, for example, you're going: "she's oh-so-perfect" or "he's such a know-it-all". The way you want to use them, there should be a space between woman, the dash, and who, and technically the dash should be longer (I dunno if there's a technical term for it, I'm not so great at those), so you could try going: "The young woman -- who couldn't have been more than twenty -- noticed nothing, unaware of the creature not ten feet away" or something. And in any case, commas work just as well here. Also, in your first paragraph, you introduce the silhouette of a boy, so this creature confused me a sec.
Technically, he's thinking, so no speech marks are required. And in any case, there should be a comma instead of the period, so no capital 'h' of 'he'.
That confused me just a tiny bit. What man? When did she meet him? And why didn't she actually meet him? And why 'brutally honest'? Just some tiny doubts of mine.
Same problem with the dashes here.
Easy to... kill? Track? One tiny word could clear this ending -- I quite like, as it happens -- up.
Overall though, I really did like this piece, and hope to see more from you.
Keep up the good work!
~Ita
First off, thanks so much for your review, I really appreciate you taking the time to review. On a side note, it was just a prologue, so it wasn't supposed to reveal much, I meant for it to be a little vague. As for your nit-picks, I will definitely go back through and revise it. Thanks for the grammar tips-I never actually got all of the specifics for those, so I'm still learning. Once again, thanks for reviewing!
OH, and I forgot to mention, the silhouette of a boy, but then the use of the word creature was supposed to mean, that he looks human, but isn't.