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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hey Kamas here.
Now, if what Silversun said is true, I highly advise you to change that. Plagiarism is bad anywhere, and I sure don't want you in trouble. If you aren't sure I highly suggest you read this
But that aside.
Bold:
Just repetitive. Seems like something that keep from a pop song. Repetition in poetry is only appreciated when done moderately. Now repeating the exact same thing several times is unnecessary and just loses the reader. I suggest you extend the stanzas to replace this redundancy.
Italics:
Grammar errors. Easy stuff to fix, no problem. You mostly forgot the apostrophes for things like 'he's' and capitalizing your 'I'. Takes two seconds to fix, or if you want there is a handy dandy Spell Check button the top right hand corner of your screen when you post.
Underlined:
Now I only underlined two things. I'll explain why --
Silversun mentioned these were exactly like ones in a song. I addressed that at the beginning so no need to repeat myself. Also these are terribly cliche, same thing you hear in every song on the radio lately. Make your own words and thread them together! Those are the lines who please people!
Again, terribly cliche and very slang-like words being used. I have no problem with slang! Just the use of it makes your poem sink.
Overall, I think you could make so really great lyrics. I'd definitely give those a try, as this seems like much more of a song. I'd give that a shot!
If you ever need a review go here
(or click the link in my signature)
Keep writing and have fun on YWS
~ Kamas
I'm not sure, but this could be mild plagiarism. Because your first two lines are exactly from the song, the main lines are, and it says "he's got something special." I'm not really sure what you are trying to do here, but know that if a mod. sees this than you could possibly face sever consequences. I hope you get this taken care of.