Drawing a tense breath into her lungs, the woman leaned backwards and fell from the tower. The dense forest spread out beneath her, a field of emerald stakes waiting to impale her body.
She wore a loose black jacket, the ends of which billowed out in the wind like an ebony specter. A pair of cracked aviator glasses rested upon her face.
The chilly air wrapped around her, the wind crashing violently into her back, begging her to reconsider. Her eyes remained closed as she fell, her expression placid.
The grey sky peeled away above her as the earth rushed to accept its guest. The treetops bristled as an ominous wind set the leaves aflutter. And the woman plummeted on, heedless of this peril. Without a word, she disappeared beneath the canopy.
Not a second later, the woman burst from the treetops, grabbing the reins of the wind and soaring upwards. A single shaft of light broke through the clouds, shining off of her platinum wings. Two grand curtains of silver feathers sprouted from her back, bursting from her jacket. They beat strongly at the wind, pulling her upwards.
A giddy smile broke upon her face as she flew above the dappled ocean. The daylight began shining through the clouds, making the treetops sparkle in their shaded hues. The wind laughed in her ears, rippling through her hair. It curved under her wings, ruffling her feathers.
She swooped downwards, passing her hand over the leaves that whispered beneath her touch. Soaring upwards, she spiraled above the valley, whirling through the air.
The mountains in the distance grew closer; she'd have to land soon. Gently, the woman began to glide downwards, slipping gently through the air. An emerald meadow opened up beneath her as the wings rippled on her back, ferrying her back to earth.
A flicker of shadow at the corner of her vision alerted her. She gasped as a figure shot up from the trees, barely missing her wings. Quickly rolling to the side, she maneuvered out of the way as the shadow blazed past again.
The winds rushed beneath her, carrying her away from her attacker. Turning her head, she could still see the relentless murky ghost, dashing across the treetops as though running on air.
Leaping from the canopy, it flung a storm of metal disks towards her. The disks crackled, blue lightning sparking between them. The woman looked up as a giant azure net descended from above.
Tucking her wings to her sides, she dove beneath the electric trap, crashing through the treetops into the forest.
Branches whipped past her face as tree trunks sprang up in her path. She whisked through the woods, wings flapping and curling as she dodged through the earthy maze. The leaves were a roof of dark beryl above her, sheltering her from her pursuer.
But not for long. A rustling crash from behind her warned her, and she swooped left to avoid the net as it flew down yet again.
Looking behind her, she could see the shadow closing in, bouncing through the trees like a bullet. Suddenly, it leaped from the ground, soaring through the canopy. The branches closed around the hole of its exit.
Then silence.
The woman glided down to earth, panting heavily. Wiping beads of cold sweat from her forehead, she tucked her wings defensively against her back. Her eyes darted around behind her glasses, scanning the undergrowth as though the creature could jump out at any second. The gaunt oaks seemed to tower over her now.
Not wanting to spend another second in these deathly woods, she began to run, her wings slapping against her back. The greedy thorn-bushes tore at her silver feathers, the wind cackling through the branches.
Breaking into a sprint, she barreled through the forest, the leaves whispering around her. Her teeth gritted as adrenaline pumped into her veins. Wide-eyed, she raced through the trees; ironically, it was as if she were flying.
A heavy black object drove into the small of her back, knocking her to the ground. Her chin slammed into the dirt as the shadow crashed into her body, trapping her beneath its weight.
Desperately, she began to kick, squirming out from under the black ghost. Raising a leather shoe, it stomped onto her back, grinding her into the earth.
She twisted and writhed, crying out as the shadow drew a knife from its pocket. A lone ray of light broke through the emerald canopy, glinting off of the blade. The shadow stooped, grabbing one of the woman's platinum wings. Carefully, it set its knife to the joint.
Shick. Shick. Shick. Shick. Shick. Snap.
Tears salted the earth as the blood ran in rivulets from the woman's back. The energy to escape had all but deserted her, and she clutched at the soil, desperately trying to crawl away.
The shadow set its knife to the other wing.
Shick. Shick. Shick. Shick. Shick. Snap.
The woman's arm weakly flopped to the dirt, amidst a blanket of scarlet-stained feathers. The shadow dabbed at the wounds with a cloth, wiping the blood away.
Getting off of her back, the shadow walked around the woman, who now had two bloody stumps where her wings had been. The crimson scraps lay in a pile beside her, silver tainted in dark shades of red.
Grabbing her chin, the shadow hoisted the woman to her feet. Her glasses had fallen off, revealing the shining tears that cascaded down her cheeks.
The shadow stared into her face, its ebony mask impassive as the abyss. Mechanically, it raised its gloved hand, revealing tiny golden pads along its fingers. Brushing the woman's hair back, it pressed its fingertips to her skull. "Erase," it said.
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Greetings, stranger! Holographic Ladybug here for a review!
This is seriously one of the best prologues I have ever seen. You have described things really well with such skill. I really can't see anything wrong with this.
Now, I will be more specific.....
'Not a second later, the woman burst from the treetops, grabbing the reins of the wind and soaring upwards. A single shaft of light broke through the clouds, shining off of her platinum wings. Two grand curtains of silver feathers sprouted from her back, bursting from her jacket. They beat strongly at the wind, pulling her upwards.'
It is hard to see something that I would imagine in a graphic novel on paper.... Er, computer screen. You have made me envision this so well. If this were to happen in real life, it would probably only take a few seconds, but you have slowed down the speed of the story and make you see it in slow motion.
Not only was this well described, but it was also a really cool scene. How did you come up with this?
'A flicker of shadow at the corner of her vision alerted her. She gasped as a figure shot up from the trees, barely missing her wings. Quickly rolling to the side, she maneuvered out of the way as the shadow blazed past again.'
You have used the combination of description and action perfectly here. Yet again, what was going on was very clear to me.
That is only a small portion of how well you've written this. Well done.
I am interested in your story. What a great prologue.
~Holographic Ladybug
Hi! Freya here for a review!
First off: Oh my gravy. What did I just read? The entire story was an emotional roller coaster and there was on word of dialogue. The fact that there had been no speaking but the shadow seemed to make its voice come out of the page in an eerie sort of way. Of course, if I was the woman, I would have been screaming at the net and the shadow to stop. That's just me though, and it would be an interesting character trait for her to be silent to a fault.
"A flicker of shadow at the corner of her vision alerted her. She gasped as a figure shot up from the trees, barely missing her wings. Quickly rolling to the side, she maneuvered out of the way as the shadow blazed past again."
I do wish there had been a little bit more of the woman's emotion in here. I wasn't sure what was going on and I had to read through it again to catch the whole drift of the paragraph. I would be more terrified and concerned if the woman's heart hammered in her ears and her eyes grew as wide as a doe's in headlights.
"Looking behind her, she could see the shadow closing in, bouncing through the trees like a bullet. Suddenly, it leaped from the ground, soaring through the canopy. The branches closed around the hole of its exit."
This part confused me a little bit. Is the electric net still chasing her? Obviously the shadow is but what about the branches? Did they close up like a door? If they did, I think saying that would be more helpful. If they didn't, maybe be more clear on what happened.
All in all, this is amazing. Even more amazing since it's only a prologue. I can not wait to see where you take this and how it develops!