Young Writers Society

Hi CharlotteS!
This made me tear up. You know a stories good when you feel emotions from reading. It's easy to do that in a movie, but not quite so easy in a book. I have NO criticism, actually, but I just want to say, I'm so happy you included those who refused to kill and were called cowards as heroes. I can't tell you how much I agree. Keep writing! You definitely can write

Hey there, Eli here for a review!

This was so emotional that I felt like crying. Emotional stories like this will forever make me feel the feels thanks to their realistic concept and all of these emotions put into them. No way I can not be moved by such a work. You are right that heros never die, they will forever live in us, the ones they have saved.

I have no complains when it comes to your content, the way you have described your feelings towards a lost parents. It really shows the reader it is not a fake imaginary story but something real. I love the fact that you add to the letter more smaller details about the life of the daughter, not only the obvious things, but her thoughts and what she is doing, a bit of her life that a father would be interested to hear about their child.


This one will be the same but different.

I can tell that you are trying to say this letter will be different but also similar to the ones that she previously wrote but the way it is said in this sentence, I do not know, does not look so great. It is like saying the dress is short but long. Makes no sense right? But you can correct that by just adding 'a bit different' maybe or something alike. This way it is different but also like the others. Just slightly different.


I have a boyfriend now, he is in the army as well.

I noticed there is a lots of space before this sentence. Shorten it.


I cried when I turned 18 because you weren't there so I could be.

I could be what? You could not be 18 because he is not there? It is kind of confusing or the sentence is just not finished.

Keep on writing!

Wow,

I love reviewing because of work you all bring in YWS. Wow, Nice work. I sensed every emotions of jenny. I considered my self jenny. "I am jenny. It is my story." Nice work. What an emotional story. My family members are also fighting for nation's piece but O'hell! these politicians have ruined everything. The more politics get stronger the more soldiers will die. But as jenny said Heroes never die. They live in the memories of their loved ones. I can understand the story very well as I have seen all this very closely. How a soldier dies and how he sacrificed his life to save people who are sleeping with no worries. I am too a civilian, I wrote a non fiction. I can sense the agony of their family members. Although My feelings rose after reading your story. Awesome work by you.


I loved many lines. Those lines are as follows:

1. I loved the starting of the letter. "Dear Dad, I turned 18 yesterday."

It was so good how she tells her daddy that she turned 18. I loved the way.

2. "How you refused to let the enemy pass so that your little girl could live in a world without having to worry about being alive tomorrow."
While reading the letter my efficacy and emotions went up when I read this line. So mighty!
What an emotional touch! I loved it. What a hunky-dory mindset you have. What an antithetic thought process. So different. I love reading different stuff.

3. "All my letters thus far have been all about my life and how I miss you. "

Another emotional line. "I miss you" I sensed the true emotions. Why am I going too deep in reviewing? Because I really liked it, simple.

4. "I have a boyfriend now, he is in the army as well. He hopes he can live up to your standard...."
Most joyous line I have ever read. She told her dad about her boyfriend, it caught my attention, as how she relate her boyfriend with her dad. Both are good soldiers. She was happy.
5. Third paragraph was crucial for reading. You showed better difference. I loved the way you achieved it.


There are so many lines i liked. I wanted to reprint all the lines in my review but it is not legal reviewing.

While reading I could connect my feelings with every word and emotion.

I also agree with you that heroes never die. Whether he or she is a soldier, or works in other profession. When he or she saves lives of billions, they live forever in the heart of gazillions.

At the end I loved your story and I hope to read more good stuff from you. Keep it up.

Hi there!

So first I'm going to echo Biscuits: it would help if we saw more of what Jenny's life is like outside of this. Even more so, I think we'd feel a lot more during her letter if we knew more about her dad, other than the fact that he was a soldier who sacrificed his life. What was he like at home? What were his interests? What are some specific memories Jenny has of him, as opposed to things she's heard about his service?

You could include information like this in the letter, or we could see Jenny remember it before, during, or after her reading.

Then there was this.

Because the heroes aren't the ones who survived. The real heroes are the ones who gave their lives so others could live.

Hello there, welcome to my quest to do Green Room reviews so I can catch up to Nikayla quicker

Nit-picks and nice moments:

in front of her. Poppies had been laid in front of it

Sighing bravely, she pulled another letter from her bag. Taking another deep breath she began to read,

buried in a hole on foreign ground

not wanting to kill man