A windy, unfinished cobbled path
Led upto the half built house
In the middle of the dead forest.
Everything was silent,
Apart from the wind whispering
Warning all those who passed to leave.
A strong smell wafted through the house
It was coming from a room where a woman stood,
Stirring her cauldron
She had a pale white face,
And long brown hair,
Wearing only black.
She could almost be beautiful,
If it weren't for the cold look in her eyes,
And the empty expression in her face,
Half living, half dead,
Somewhere in between,
A witch.
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This is just something that I wrote for English, it not my best work but it would be great to hear what you think.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hello there, Crim to review your poem!
I do like this poem, it's very matter of fact and it's not too airy fairy which I do like! However my big problem with it is that it's not very poetic - it's more prose than poetry, especially towards to beginning of the poem.
The punctuation is a bit iffy, there definitely should be a period after
'Stirring her cauldron'
But the rest of it doesn't fly out at me as an issue as much as the one I just mentioned.
I love some of your description in this, the first line is gorgeous and I think you could develop this a little more. I think if you made a few edits, maybe split it up into stanza's and developed your character more then it could turn out to be a wonderful poem.
Keep writing, with practice you can only improve!
Thank you for the advice%uD83D%uDE0A
Pleasure, message me if you have any questions about what I said
I think this is great, like the simplicity, you haven't tried to beat around the bush or go off on a tangent with adjectives. I like the expression "almost be beautiful", it kind of makes you pity the witch. One thing i did pick up on was the last two lines, which, because of the lack of punctuation i read as " Somewhere in between a witch". Which was quite confusing at first until i realised they were separate. I would say that punctuation is the only thing lacking in this, and i think that it's a good piece of work all round
Keep it up!
Thank you!
They where in stanzas of three but ever time I tried to put in a gap it wouldn't work.