z

Young Writers Society



The Journal of Time

by Char


Chapter 1

Bren Warflame was laying flat on his back, staring blankly into the dark stone ceiling of his bedroom dormitory, on the second floor of the Academy of Heroes. He had awoken in the middle of the night and, finding it impossible to get back to sleep, had waited awake the remainder of the night. It was not the first time. In fact, over the course of the last month, he had found himself awakening more and more frequently, coming to the point where he hardly slept at all. He did not know why this was. He had gone to Guildmaster with his problem a week previous, only to hear that he was probably “overworking.” He did not think he was at all. In truth, he felt that he needed to be working more.

Bren sat up, massaging his forehead, sunlight filtering through window curtains just above his bed. The room was strewn with various possessions, most of which were complete rubbish. Clothes, training swords, books, leftover bits of food, and a wide variety of other nonsense items were scattered around the room. Tucked in the corner was his chest of drawers, robes, tunics, and socks drooping over the sides.

Getting himself out of his bed, Bren headed across the room to his clothes chest, grabbing a fresh tunic and pulling it on. An unusually loud snore came from behind him and Bren turned to find his roommate, Shiro, hanging half over the side of his bed, breathing loudly. Shiro, who was definitely not as dedicated to his studies as Bren, constantly relied on him to be somewhat of a living alarm clock. On the rare occasion that Bren would forget to wake him, he would oftentimes sleep until midday, missing all of his morning lessons.

Not that he cares Bren thought dully, observing his sleeping roommate with what might have been distaste. He had to regularly remind himself that it was he who had wanted to room with Shiro in the first place, and, as lazy as he might be, he was by far one of the best students at the Academy of Heroes.

The Academy of Heroes was the largest military school in the Empire created for the sole purpose of teaching its students to become expert fighters. Bren was not well versed in the details of how it had been created, but he knew that it had been around for as long as the Empire itself, possibly longer. The Academy of Heroes, having made it extremely clear that the Emperor was to have no say over the dealings of the school, was constantly pestered by various sources for assistance in their outside troubles. Letting in to the beleaguering of the Emperor, the Academy allowed for a certain number of their upperclassmen students to travel outside of Academy and take care of some of the Empire’s smalltime difficulties, which usually meant thwarting bandit raids.

Shiro gave a particularly loud groan from over by the beds, as he rolled over onto his stomach, face buried in his pillow. Bren, deciding the better of it, came over to where he slept and gave his shoulder a hard shove with his foot. Shiro rolled over onto his back, eyes opening instantly, staring hazily at Bren. “Goddamn,” he cursed groggily. “Bren, mate, its right damn early, what are you playing at waking me up right now?”

“Its six in the morning,” Bren said seriously.

“Six? Hell, mate, my first class isn’t ‘till eight thirty, neither is yours. Go back to sleep,” he said, rolling onto his stomach and slamming his pillow over his head.

“You wont have time for breakfast,” Bren said.

“I don’t care about breakfast during sleep time, mate,” came his muffled voice from beneath his pillow.

Bren lifted his foot and, without the slightest hesitation, kicked Shiro hard in the ribs sending him flying over the edge of his bed and landing on hard on the stone floor. He groaned, staggering to his feet, and, leaping over the bed, plunged his foot into Bren’s stomach. A sharp pain erupted in the back of his head as he was slammed against the stone wall. Shiro sprung forward, grabbing a training sword from off the ground and clubbing Bren across the side of his head. Bren stumbled then rounded giving him a strong kick to the stomach and dropping his elbow hard into his back sending him to the ground. Bren leapt on his back, pinning down his arms and legs.

“Alright, alright, mate,” Shiro said. “I’m up.”

They exited their room after getting into their robes, heading down the long marble staircase that led to the Entrance Hall on the first floor.

“Hopefully there are some good quest cards left when we get up to the tower,” said Bren, as they stepped off the staircase into the high-ceilinged Entrance Hall. The Hall was made of pure white marble; in the center, a massive statue of bald wizard loomed ominously before them, water spouting from each of his curled fingers. “Wish we’d have gone yesterday though.”

“Yeah,” Shiro said, continuing through the Hall toward the cafeteria. “I heard they’ve been getting more quests than usual lately. Guess the Empire’s been having a bit of trouble controlling the bandits nowadays.”

Bren shrugged.

“Do you think what everyone is saying is true?” Shiro asked, as they went under the hefty stone archway leading into the cafeteria.

“’Bout what?”

“About the bandit clans formin’ an alliance. They fancy that they’ve come together behind one leader—no one knows who though,” he said. “They think that the bandits are going to try and overrun the Empire.”

Bren grunted. “I thought that’s what they’ve always been doing,” he said, coming into the cafeteria, the circular tables, near empty this early in the morning, were laid over with an assortment of breakfast foods.

“Don’t you think it’s a little odd though?” Shiro said as they seated themselves at one of the tables. “I mean, how often do bandits attack in numbers this big. It’s never happened before.”

“Hadn’t really that about it,” Bren said, taking a bite out of a breakfast roll. It was not entirely true. He had noticed, as of recently, that there had been quite a few more bandit raids but had not given the matter a particularly great deal of thought, other than it would make for a lot more quest cards. “I just do what I’m told—if that means killing bandits all the better but--”

“Well same with me but its something we might want to be thinking about at least,” Shiro interrupted. “Especially since most of the quest cards have to do with stopping bandit attacks.”

“Suppose so,” he said, talking a draft of juice from his goblet. “Well, anyway, I need head up to the Quest Room after breakfast. The Guildmaster said he wanted to see me this morning before class. He’s usually up there, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, what’s he want you for?” Shiro asked.

“Dunno, said it was important though. You going to come along?” he said.

“Yeah, I’m not about to let you pick the quest alone again, nearly killed us last time,” Shiro said, shoveling more sausage onto his plate.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to if you’d get your ass out of bed sooner,” said Bren lightly.

Shiro shrugged. “I guess it kind’ve—hey Rolf!”

Bren looked up from his plate to find Rolf, a burly sixteen-year-old boy, coming up around the tables and lowering himself into the seat next to Shiro.

“Just came from the bathhouses,” he said, grabbing a plate and scooping on eggs and sausage. “Your first class is Melee Training, isn’t it Bren?”

Bren nodded. “But we’re going up to the Quest Tower first.”

“You’re not signing up for another quest! Didn’t you just got back from a quest day before yesterday?” he said incredulously.

“We’re bloodthirsty,” said Shiro smiling.

“The Guildmaster asked me to come and see him before class this morning. We’re probably going to take another quest, though. If there’s anything good,” he said.

It was true that of all the students in the Academy of Heroes, Bren and Shiro took the most quests, leading the standings of most quests taken and most quests succeeded by a great deal. Aside from that, they had never, up to the moment, failed to complete a quest.

“What does the Guildmaster want?” Rolf asked.

“Didn’t say—knowing the Guildmaster its probably just to talk though,” Bren said.

"He likes to personalize with his students,” said Shiro smiling and refilling his goblet with black berry juice. “Where’s Cora? I thought she and you were rooming together?”

“Still at the bathhouse,” he said gruffly. “Takes ages when you have to comb out dirt from that long hair of hers.”

“Are you guys signing up for any quests this week?” Bren asked, placing a sausage in his mouth.

“Maybe. Cora’s a little bit worried to sign up for anything new to quick, though,” he said, taking a drink from his goblet.

“Especially after what happened last time, you heard right?”

Bren shook his head.

“Bandit got the best of her,” he said. “Took an ax to the shoulder blade, pretty deep too. Had to carry her three miles back to the Academy, fainted cause of blood loss.”

“She never told us,” said Shiro, a look of deathly shock on his face.

“Ah, don’t worry ‘bout it. She’s a bit embarrassed talking about it,” he said, waving his hand. “I’ll tell you though, it was hard work killin’ off the remaining four bandits alone.”

“What ‘appened after she ‘ot hit?” Shiro said, through a mouthful of eggs, still looking astounded by the news.

“I threw a knife through the bandit’s neck,” he said distantly, shaking his head. “But that was after I had finished one I was dealin’ with.”

The tables were beginning to fill up with people as the first rays of morning sunlight streamed through the tall glassless cafeteria windows. Through them, Bren could see lengthy bottle green fields swerving into icy blue snow-capped mountains, tiny rivers twisting throughout the peaks. Climbing up the mountain slopes were forests of pine trees, spreading out into the fields and along the rivers.

Bren looked back over to Shiro and Rolf, now discussing techniques of killing people with tree branches.

“We should be getting over to the Quest Tower,” he said. “Don’t want to keep the Guildmaster waiting.”

Shiro and Rolf looked disappointed. “Alright then, if you say so,” said Shiro. They stood up, Shiro clasping Rolf on the shoulder. “Care to come with us, Rolf?”

“I can’t I told Cora I’d wait for here for her,” he said. “We both have Aggressive Magic Methods with Master Maze in a bit.”

Shiro shrugged. “Oh well, take it easy then,” he said.

“Yeah,” said Rolf. “See you around, Bren.” Bren nodded his acknowledgement, pushing in his chair, and making his way out of the cafeteria back into the Entrance Hall towards the long marble staircase.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
362 Reviews


Points: 36
Reviews: 362

Donate
Thu Dec 22, 2005 9:56 pm
Fishr wrote a review...



I enjoyed this; the feel and the time it seems to represent; a primitive era. For some odd reason it minded me of Harry Potter.

Though you're grammar was very good, I have a few minor nitpicks with the dialog. When you started to introduce two other characters - Rolf and Cora it became difficult to follow who was done speaking because you ended most of the dialogs with, "he said".


“Maybe. Cora’s a little bit worried to sign up for anything new to quick, though,” he said, taking a drink from his goblet.

“Especially after what happened last time, you heard right?”

If this is Rolf speaking, it should be all in one sentence, instead of a separate paragraph, like this:
"Maybe. Cora's a little bit worried to sign up for anything new quick, though," he said, taking a drink from his goblet. "Especially after what happened last time, you heard right?"

Also, I don't think there should be a parenthesis after quick because the char isn't taking a breath, then speaking again.

Parenthesis are my sworn enemy, so they're so easy to plant everywhere! :D

I look forward to chap. 2. Often times when I read short stories they fail to catch my attention on the first paragraph, so I never finish reading them, which is why I don't edit or critique others' or friends work often. But your story kept me interested from the beginning to the end! So great job on catching a very fussy reader's interest!! :D




User avatar


Points: 890
Reviews: 4

Donate
Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:00 pm
deadrose wrote a review...



Interesting start, I have some nitpicks though.

(1.) 1st paragraph

had found himself awakening more and more frequently

- awakening should be waking

(2.) you talk about age and time in this story, especially time as we would in todays standards, do they have clocks? It doesn't seem that they would, maybe primitive ones like sundials but not watches and clocks we have today, or maybe they do. You might want to clear it up, talk about time in candlemarks or something.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

deadrose





As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda