Young Writers Society

Hello!

So I appreciate the sentiments in this poem. I think it's a feeling that pervades the country, and honestly the world (this sort of stuff isn't just in America, it's the whole world). Although I would like to point out that America is more healthy, rich, educated, safe etc. than it has ever been before. It's because of the super easy access to media that we all focus on the bad (because the bad news sells more than the good news). So don't despair! I believe that the world is essentially a pretty good place. :]

Okay, now onto the actual poem.

One thing I think is really dragging this down is the fact that every line is one sentence, pretty much. Just like prose benefits from varied sentence structures and lengths, poetry does too. Reading through this is very halting. It's as if. I'm talking. Like. This. When really, the reader is craving a sentence that flows a bit, a sentence that is like a winding path, leading them through your points and words, to a place where it is comfortable to stop. See what I mean? Variation is the spice of life! (and poetry)
unless of course you're being inconsistent with rhyme or rhythm or capitalization or something.

Speaking of capitalization, I know that each line is pretty much a sentence, but even the one line that isn't the start of a sentence has a capital. And that makes me worried. I'm going to quote the thing I said about this in my last review because I really don't feel like rephrasing it again.

Also! This is important if you didn't know this. You don't have to capitalize the beginning of every line. I know English teachers always say that you should, but they are big fat liars. They are only thinking about classical poetry where that was a norm. But we are in the modern day where we realize that that is not the only way. In fact, I always find it more clear to read a poem if it has capitalization like it would if it were prose (a.k.a caps only for proper nouns and at the beginning of sentences). Heck, I even find it easier to read a poem without any capital letters at all than one with caps at the beginning of every line. So unless you have a real reason to do that (such as if this were an acrostic poem), I really suggest you just capitalize like if it was prose.

This should shed light on everything that has happened in the US, a country that I love. You have brought out some of the more depressing things, but you're right. The next generations have it tough, they're going to have fight for themselves. We aren't who we used to be, but we still have time to stand up before it's too late. We should not live in fear, we should live in peace, courage, freedom and bravery. That is what our country was made of anyways... the only critique I have- in truth it's not even a critique. I would add more of what you feel instead of what the few lines you have. Besides that, it was simple and prettily done. It's a cry for courage I suppose. Thank you.