Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I wrote this story years ago, so it might be a little bad, I never finished it but this is what I had so far.
The Fall of the World
Prologue
500 years ago, in the beginning of the year 2026, the world fell. Governments were toppled and burned, the sky echoed with explosions as the Great War raged on throughout the entire world. Weapons of mass destruction were hastily put together as the nations fought to survive, but in the end they were all destroyed. Then, the remaining wealthy people who lived in the world went underground for fear of the after effects of the war, but everyone else was left to face the effects of a war they never wanted. On the surface of the Earth people gathered together and built massive floating cities to hold the people of the world. The people who lived in these cities were called the Fallen and in the centuries after the war the technology of flight was revolutionized over and over again.
Chapter 1
The street was loud and busy as Riven walked along, but he was used to this, after all he had been born and raised in this very city, the first of all the Fallen cities, and the greatest, Valhalla. RIven walked the same route every day to get to the air harbor, he was what people called a scavenger. He went down to the surface and looked for ancient technologies and artifacts to sell at the market. It was fun work, but not as fun as living a normal life would have been, after his parents died Riven was forced to leave school and find a job just to pay the bills.
“Riri!” yelled a very familiar voice.
“Hey Mei,” Riven said with an annoyed sigh. He had told her not to call him that hadn’t he? He decided to let it go, after all Mei was his best friend, and his only friend that stayed with him after he left school, “how’s college? Still getting good grades I assume?”
“Actually, I’m done with school, I’m leaving,” she replied in a joyful voice.
“Why?” Riven asked.
“I want to join you as a scavenger, it sounds fun!”
“Well it’s not,” It was, “You need to stay in school to get a real job and become successful, no excuses.”
“Too late, I already sent the letter to the dean,” she said with a clever smirk on her face, “I’m coming with you whether you like it or not.” She stuck out her tongue at him and then ran towards the air harbor.
“Guess I’ll just have to deal with it then,” Riven said to himself.
Riven walked through the large harbor gates and breathed in the smell of gasoline and the sound of big engines firing up. Riven’s ship, the Homunculus, looked like an ant compared to the massive cargo ships that were entering and leaving the harbor, it was old and cheap but it worked. The Homunculus was a small twin engined Os class trader, the two massive propellers on either side of the wide fuselage would tilt forward after lift off, it wasn’t meant to go very high, but that was fine for Riven all he needed to do was go to the surface.
Mei was waiting for Riven at the ship, “What took you so long, slowpoke?” she asked with a fake pout followed by her usual playful smile.
“Are you sure you want to do this, business on the surface can be pretty dangerous.”
She nodded violently in response, bobbing her head up and down to the point of making her dizzy. After she shook off the dizziness, she jumped onto the boarding ramp and waved Riven over, her dark hair flowing like a river in the wind.
Riven started up the engines and primed for lift off, after no time at all they were in the
air and descending toward Earth.
The Earth was not at all what Mei expected, she thought that it would be muddy and barren, still bearing the scars of the Great War, but as she stared out the window she could see that she was wrong. The Earth below her was nothing but green, she could see massively tall trees covering up the forest floor, and birds flying above those trees towards their nests. To their left a few miles there was a large lake and beyond that Mei could just barely make out a towering mountain range.
“That’s the Omban range, a newer mountain range that popped up after the war,” explained Riven after he saw her staring out the port side window, “brace yourself we’ll be landing soon.”
“Landing?” asked Mei, “but where there is nothing but forest for mi-” she stopped, ahead through the reinforced glass of the cockpit there lay a massive ancient city, its streets long since abandoned, and its tall buildings jutting high into the sky. It’s amazing! She thought.
“That’s where we’re landing,” said Riven smiling, “I guess it’s your first time seeing an ancient city huh?”
Mei nodded, she was still amazed at the size of the city, it was easily bigger than Valhalla, the largest of the fallen cities, but it was so lonely and quiet, to Mei it seemed quite sad.
Chapter 2
They began to descend toward their landing zone, as they were moving steadily down Riven began lowering the cargo door. The entire ship jerked as the landing gear touched down and settled, Riven stood up, picked up his hunting rifle, and began towards the ramp.
“What’s that for?” asked Mei.
“Even though the radiation from the Great War has mostly subsided, it still wreaked havoc on the environment,” Riven explained, “it made trees grow taller and gave birth to new species of animals, one of which is called a stalker.”
“What’s a stalker,” Mei asked curiously, “I’ve never read about them.”
“That’s because the school doesn’t like talking about them,” Riven said as he stepped outside of the ship, “stalkers are monstrous creatures, they are big and powerful, and are hostile to everything of a different species, that’s why it's dangerous down here.”
“Oh…” whispered Mei with a small quiver.
“But don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” RIven assured her when he noticed the fear on her face.
They began walking down the long abandoned street, RIven had never gotten used to the smell of this city, it was a strange smell to him. The city smelled of plants and nature even though the thick concrete restricted many plants from growing, though when he looked up he noticed vines and algae growing on the buildings. Also, somehow, the city smelled abandoned, whatever that meant. Even still, he liked the sound, and it seemed that Mei did too. She was walking a few feet behind Riven taking in her surroundings, it was all so new to her, she couldn’t believe that great cities such as these had been destroyed so easily. It made her fear for the future, now in the present time, in terms of weapons and aircraft the world was much more advanced than the ancients, although they still couldn’t grasp the complexity of the ancient’s electronics, they could still bring destruction to the world again. What would hap- a shrill roar interrupted Mei thoughts, the sound was followed by another, and then another. Then, she saw them, hideous monsters. They were standing on two legs, much like humans, but that was where their similarities ended, these monsters were twice as tall as a human and had scaly armored flesh with a long hunched back. Their spines protruded from their back in long spikes, and their claws looked razor sharp and long. Ahead of where Riven and Mei were standing, maybe about twenty meters away stood three of these unholy beasts, and their orange eyes were locked onto the two humans.
“Mei,” Riven said in a serious tone, “get back to the ship and close the hatch behind you.”
“What about you?” she asked, trying and failing to look brave.
“Just go!” Riven shouted, “If I don’t make it back then fly back to Valhalla, got it?”
Mei nodded, and then ran as fast as she could, the ship wasn’t far, only ten meters, I can make it she thought I can make it. Behind her two loud shots rang out followed by a heavy thud as a stalker hit the ground, the other two charged at RIven, he caught one in the head and the other in the shoulder, only one shot left he thought as the second stalker hit the ground. The final stalker stopped suddenly, and straightened its back, looking straight at Mei, who was nearly to the ship, it sprinted towards her, seeing her as easier prey.
“MEI!” RIven yelled as he fired at the stalker and missed, he pulled the knife from his belt and started running toward the wounded animal, it was slower than usual, but he was still too slow, the stalker caught up to Mei and slashed her shoulder, she let out a yelp of pain and fell to the ground. The stalker hovered over Mei, savoring the smell of a kill, except she wasn’t dead, she was curled up on the ground quivering.
“Am I going to die?” she asked herself as tears ran down her face, “but I don’t want to die.”
The stalker raised its heavy hand ready to strike, but just as it was about to finish Mei, it stopped, its head bobbing forward as a RIven’s knife hit it with a soft thud, the stalker fell heavily to the ground, a knife in its skull, dead. When Riven reached Mei she was knocked out cold and she had lost a lot of blood. RIven took off his shirt and crudely wrapped the wound as he picked her up and carried her the rest of the way to the ship.
After he cleared the ramp, he shut the cargo door and layed Mei on a large crate, then he took a first aid kit from the cargo hold’s med bay and patched her wound properly. “You’ll be alright Mei,” Riven whispered to Mei, “I’ll take you back to Valhalla and they’ll patch up that shoulder of your’s.”
Chapter 3
As the ship ascended into the morning sky, Riven could hear Mei’s short breaths and whimpers of pain. I’m sorry he thought he should have never brought her down here, she got injured and it was his fault. He pushed the thrust to full breaking through the clouds towards Valhalla, and what he saw horrified him. About a dozen miles to the East there was a massive fortress city, and it was firing at Valhalla. Valhalla was firing back but was struggling and ships were leaving its harbor, evacuating. No! No, no, no! Riven thought. There were no cities for hundreds of miles and that fortress city probably wouldn’t let them in, he had to get to a hospital or Mei would die from an infection.
The Homunculus veered hard to the left as Riven dodge a piece of flying debris. Valhalla didn’t have very many advanced weapons, it was a merchant city. The great city, the first flying city, was falling, crumbling right before his eyes, something many thought very much impossible. Large chunks of Valhalla started tearing off and falling towards the ship. Riven pressed a button and several rocket tubes emerged from the sides of the ship, he fired all of his rockets at the debris, but that only made more, smaller pieces of flaming hot metal. He tried to dodge but the metal hit his ship over and over, battering it. A particularly large chunk of metal hit one of the propellers, sending the ship spiraling in midair. To stop the ship from tearing apart he turned off the other propeller and the ship started its steep and fast descent back down to Earth.
They were a few hundred feet in the air when Riven activated the emergency landing thrusters, but a few hundred feet was still too late and the ship crashed into the ground breaking apart and sending scorched metal flying in all directions. Riven was knocked unconscious upon impact. Riven’s eyes fluttered open as he came back to his senses, he felt around his body, everything hurt but he couldn’t feel any lethal wounds. He looked off to the East, the fortress city which he now saw was a pirate city called Aidenn, had landed near the wreckage of Valhalla and was salvaging the massive city for parts, Riven could hear the loud saws from where he was miles away. Then the rusty smell of blood entered his nose, his head snapped to the left where he saw Mei laying on a pile of debris… a sharp and long metal rod was sticking out of her stomach and blood spurt out of her shoulder wound.
Riven ran up to Mei, yelling her name. He dropped to his knees as he reached her, putting his hand under her head to support it, “Mei,” he said, “please, wake up.” Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes as he felt her shallow, labored breathing.
Her eyes opened slightly as she looked to her side to see Riven, her hand shakily moved to his face holding it there. “Ri…Riri,” she said shakily, she pulled his head toward hers, “Riven…I love you…I always have, and I always will.” She kissed him on the lips and then drew away, her hand still on Riven’s face. “I…I don’t have much time Riri, I’m sorry I couldn’t stay here with you…I’ll see you on the other side,” she said her voice growing weaker and her breathing growing softer and weaker, “I’m glad I got to see the city with you…remember…I will never…stop…loving you… Ri…ri…” her voice faded, her breathing stopped, and her hand fell to the ground. To Riven it all happened in slow motion, Mei, the only person who ever loved him, and the only person he ever loved…
“Mei…” he said as tears starting flowing down his face, “Mei, I always loved you too, and I’ll never stop…” he paused and looked to the East, there Aidenn was lifting off, with the remains of Riven’s home, “I’ll avenge you, I promise,” he said looking back to Mei, “YOU HEAR THAT WORLD! I”M COMING FOR YOUR! AND I WILL DESTROY YOU!” he shouted to the sky, tears still flowing down his face in heavy rivers, his head dropped and all he did was start at the ground in hopelessness, sobbing for Mei, and for his home, “I…I promise, Mei…” he sobbed.
Chapter 4
When Riven ran out of tears to shed he stood up and gently moved Mei’s body off the ground and away from the rod that had impaled her, her carried her to a nearby field and buried her there, laying a pile of rocks on top of the dirt, he then placed a stick through the pile of rocks and hung Mei’s necklace on the stick. He got on his knees and prayed, Riven didn’t necessarily believe in god, nor did he know how to pray, so he just asked any god if there was one to protect Mei’s soul and guide her safely to the afterlife. Then, he got up, turned around, and walked away from Mei’s final resting spot, filled with an unimaginably deep sorrow, and a hole in his heart where his love for humanity once resided.
He walked back to the ship and gathered as many supplies as possible into his backpack, he pocket his two knives and slung his rifle over his shoulder. Riven avoided looking at the blood stained rocks where Mei had died and instead looked toward the sunset, in the distance he could see Mei’s grave, shedding one last tear he turned and left, wandering deeper into the ancient city.
The sun was setting, so Riven found a corner inside of an ancient market and laid down his backpack, he laid down using the bag as a head rest. All Riven could think about was Mei, and how he could get revenge for her. Eventually, he fell asleep, deep into the world of dreams. There in the void of his mind he saw a light, the light was small at first but quickly grew brighter, engulfing everything around him. When the brightness passed, Riven was laying in a vast field covered in flowers of all different sizes and colors, as he sat up he heard a familiar voice behind him, “Riri,” it said. Riven turned his head slowly and jumped up when he saw Mei behind him.
“Mei!” he yelled, pulling her toward him in a hug, “was it all a dream?” he whispered . They stood there in that embrace for what felt like hours, until a sharp howl pierced the sky. Riven turned his head to see what was happening, when he looked back at Mei, she was fading, her figure crumbling into dust before him.
“Bye, Riri…” she said as the last of her crumbled and spread in the wind.
RIven grabbed at the air where Mei disappeared, loneliness, and sorrow tugging at his already damaged heart. Tears formed in his eyes as he fell to his knees, he had lost Mei, again, no matter what he did he just couldn’t hold onto her, he looked up at the sky, tears running down his cheeks. He heard that strange howl again, but this time it was much louder…
RIven woke up in a cold sweat, tears flowing down his face, silently, as he sat up suddenly. The howl was much closer this time, that part was not a dream, he stood up, wiping the tears from his face, and pulled his backpack on, along with his rifle.
Sunlight was shining through the holes in the walls of the ancient building, providing him with enough light to see his surroundings, there wasn’t much around him, metal shelves, and the products from 500 years ago that would take too long to decay. As he walked out into the bright sun, he held his hand above his eyes and looked up at the sky. A small scavenger ship was passing overhead, but it probably wouldn’t land here, it looked to be heading much farther to the West. So, Riven continued in his meaningless meandering and began down the street, that’s when he heard the howl again, this time from just a few dozen meters behind him, he turned on his heels, and surely enough there, about two dozen meters away was a stalker.
RIven wouldn’t try to run, he couldn’t outrun it, and even if he could he wouldn’t want to, he had lost everything and had only one thing that kept his will to live intact, vengeance. So, he stood his ground and took out his knives, one in each hand. RIven felt, strangely, excited, he felt as if some inhuman strength was running its course through his body, he felt powerful and light, and he was ready for a fight.
The stalker charged, and Riven got ready, standing his ground, his long knives in his hands. Once the stalker was about a meter away it jumped at Riven with its teeth bared and mouth open, RIven swiftly and precisely burrowed both of his daggers into the stalker’s skull just before it hit him. Riven was surprised, he had never overpowered a stalker so easily before, nor had he ever heard of anyone doing so. Riven sheathed his knives and looked at his hands, the veins in his arms were bulging, and he felt like he had gained some unforeseen power overnight. This made him happy, and he felt that, now he was one step closer to reaching his goal… his goal for vengeance… to destroy the entire world.
Chapter 5
Riven continued on his path, destruction following in his wake. He killed everyone and everything that came across his path. With every step, every punch, every day he grew stronger, stronger with an unknown and mysterious strength. A superhuman strength that could not be explained.
He looked different now, before, when Valhalla fell months ago, he was scrawny and weak, now his muscles were well defined, he was taller, and he could take down alpha stalkers with a single punch. He had no purpose in his journey other than to destroy the world, so he was just wandering, traveling between abandoned cities. That was until he found something interesting and mysterious.
There in the middle of a city once called New York was a massive gate in the grand. Like a hatch or a seal to a tomb. Riven circled the hatch, it was roughly 30 meters by 30 meters, so in short it was quite massive. He stood looking for a way to open it, but quickly got impatient. He climbed on top of the hatch and raised both of his fists high above his head. He slammed his fists down into the hatch, with just one hit the hatch dented and collapsed, falling into the depths of a vast cave. The cave floor was about 200 meters below Riven so he had a clear sight of the wonder before him. Their dwelling in the vastness of the deep was a massive underground city. He could see massively tall buildings, many rising all the way to the cave roof. Below him was a very well lit park, he could see trees and plants, stretching for about a mile in every direction, surrounded by tall buildings and towers. The cave was so expansive, so massive, that he couldn’t even see the end of it. The cavern, along with the city, stretched for dozens of miles in every direction, in the distance he could see a large lake. How could something so massive dwell underground like this? Riven thought. It was magnificent.
Riven was in freefall now, around 400 meters from the cave floor, but he wanted to get down there faster, so he turned around in midair, facing the hole he made in the cave roof and slammed his fist into the air. The force of his punch sent him flying into the hatch and through it increasing his speed by twenty fold. In seconds he slammed into the ground feet first followed by the hatch which made a loud piercing screech as it slid a ways down the pavement. Below Riven, where he had landed there was a large crater, maybe about 10 meters wide, caused by the force of impact when he collided with the ground, and the bottom half of his pants were completely destroyed.
All around him there were people screaming and running away from him, scared of what had just beached the confines of their bunker. It did not take long for the military to show, but they were disappointed to see that it was just a single man, they had neer seen any action, and were craving for a fight. It seemed to them that they would not be getting what they wanted. “Were you the one who caused this?” asked what seemed to be the head officer.
“Yeah,” Riven replied matter of factly, “where am I?”
“I’m going to have to take you to the station,” said the officer, completely disregarding Riven’s question.
Two soldiers approached Riven with handcuffs, he slammed his fist into the first soldier, tearing him apart, the force of the punch grew as it traveled and decimated a large part of the city. There was nothing left in that part of the city, the buildings were flattened, and there was a massive impact crater, miles away in the wall of the cavern. The second soldier backed away, fearing for his life.
“I believe I asked you a question,” Riven said with an angry and ominous look in his eyes, “where am I?”
The officer stepped back his entire body shaking, fear in his eyes, “who are you?” he asked, trembling.
In an instant Riven was upon him, one hand on his collar lifting him into the air, “where…” Riven said about to lose his patience, “am I”
“Y-y-you’re in Grand York, the bunker city of New York,” the officer said, tears running down his face, fearing for his life. Riven let go of his collar and cracked his knuckles, he looked menacing.
“Take me to your leader,” Riven commanded.
The officer nodded his head and got up, motioning for Riven to follow him into the large transport truck that brought the soldiers here. Riven climbed into the truck. The officer told the driver to go to the palace and they began driving. Riven was impressed by the architecture and the amount of people in this city, he almost felt bad that he was going to destroy it, but his sense of remorse for humans was killed and buried alongside Mei. They continued driving along the road toward the palace, to meet who many in the city considered to be the most powerful person alive, the king.
Chapter 6
The palace was massive and grand, it had a dozen levels, each one bordered with intricate carvings and murals, in front of the building were 6 bronze columns, and on top of each was a dragon figurehead, at the very top of the palace roof lay a spire, and on top of that a banner hung. The banner had two snakes intertwined with each other, on top of them was a crown and pair of swords, the imperial seal. The palace was surrounded by a massive garden with all kinds of plants, and the garden was bordered by a high wall, with a gate on each of its four sides. The truck stopped at the North gate, was quickly verified, and let inside of the palace grounds.
The truck stopped outside of the tower and the door at the back slid open,outside of it stood the officer, who motioned for Riven to follow him. They walked up the stairs and into the grand entrance of the palace, at the end of the long hall sat a throne, and atop the throne sat an old man with a long, white beard, and no hair.
“Hello young man,” the man said, “I am the king of Grand York, and I have been told that you possess great powers, which means that you, my boy, are one of us,” the king smiled slyly as he said this.
“What do you mean?” RIven asked.
“I guess I’ll have to give you a quick history lesson then,” the king said, “500 years ago the world collapsed, and two groups formed the Fallen, and us, the Risen. The Risen fled under the ground while the fallen went to the sky.”
“I already know that, your majesty,” he said mockingly.
“Yes, but what you don’t know is that the end of the world was not caused by nuclear weapons or bombs,” the king said, ignoring his mockery, “the world was caused by the climax of a three millennia long war, between the Risen and the Fallen.”
Riven said nothing, he was quite intrigued by this old man’s story, he would postpone his fate for a little longer.
“The Fallen are what people would call a ‘normal’ person,” the man continued, “but we, the Risen, are special. Each and every one of us is born with an ability or power, some have several. The Fallen were scared of us, so they attacked us. This ignited a massive war that influenced many if not all of history’s major events, the French and British wars, the Crusades, the American revolution, and most importantly, the fall of the world.”
“That can’t be true,” Riven said, “magic doesn’t exist.”
“This isn’t magic though, son,” the king said with kind eyes, “we the Risen are granted the ability to manipulate a part of the world, all Risen come to the king for power identification and are put into ranks, the highest ones being S, SS, SSS, and World Level.”“What’s a World Level?” Riven asked.
“A World Level Risen is a person with immense power, the strongest of our kind, there have only been a few World Levels in history and only one is alive right now,” the king replied, “that one is me,” the king said as he stood up taking off his robe, revealing an extremely muscular body, a powerful one too, “my powers are Immortality and Elemental Manipulation.”
“Okay…” Riven said, taking all of this in, “you said I was also a Risen, what are my abilities?”
The king walked up to him and stopped just a couple feet away from Riven. He then raised his powerful hand to Riven’s head, and as soon as he did that his eyes started glowing and RIven could feel the king inside his mind. Suddenly, the king’s hands started trembling and he fell to the ground, gasping, and looking up at Riven with fear in his eyes.
“W-w-what are y-y-you?” he said, trembling.
Riven squatted down in front of the king, smiling ominously, turning his head to the side as he said, “I don’t know… why don’t you tell me.”
“You’re power’s t-they are far above those of a World Level,” the king said, sweating and getting more scared the longer Riven stood there, “you’re power is known as Omnipotence, it is the ability to control anything and everything, and only one entity has ever had it…”
“And who might that be?” Riven said, still smiling, smiling at the fact that he struck such unholy fear into the eyes of the most powerful person on Earth.
The king hesitated to answer, but eventually did, saying, “God… God is the only being who has ever had the ability of Omnipotency.”
“That means…” Riven said, waiting for the old man to answer.
“You are as powerful as God himself…” the old man said, trembling. At this point everyone who was in the room was on their knees, terrified, and shocked. “You are what is known as a Multiverse level.”
Riven took the king by the neck and drew him closer to his face, “I don’t like that rank,” he said calmly, “you can call me…The God of Death…because guess what?”
The king was confused, but the fact that he was calling himself a god of death could only mean one thing…
“I will destroy this world and every world following it,” Riven said with a dark look in his eyes…a look of death and hatred and loss, “I will even destroy God himself…”
“W-what?” the king felt small and insignificant, “why are you doing this?”
“I lost everyone and everything I ever loved because of humans and their greed!” Riven shouted in his face, “so, in turn I will destroy everything…starting with you and your city.”
“N-no!” the king shouted desperately, “you ca-”
Riven closed his hand around his neck, snapping it, the king’s body slumped and fell to the ground, “Oh but I can,” Riven whispered as he stood up, turning his head to the rest of the people in the room. They started running, but it was pointless, they could never escape. Riven dashed to them, destroying all of them, and then the palace, with one massive blow to the ground. He started rampaging through the city, destroying everyone and everything in sight.
He punched the air toward the ceiling after decimating the city’s population, bringing the roof of the cave crashing down on itself. And just like that the once great city was gone, destroyed, wiped off the face of the Earth in mere seconds, all because of one man…The God of Death, Riven Dierdre Mors…
Chapter 7
Riven stood on top of the great mound of rubble and debris that was once Grand York, “You see, world,” he said calmly to the sky, “I can and will destroy you.” Behind him at the top of the mountain of debris, stones started changing shape and merging with other rocks to form a throne, Riven sat upon it, he sat there for hours contemplating his powers. When he stood up again he had truly realized the degree of his power, and he knew how to control it, how to control everything. “I’m coming…”
.,.,.,.,.,.
As Riven continued on his journey, he tested his powers, he moved objects, changed matter, and turned energy into a solid blade, stronger than any metal. His powers were not just limited to objects and energy, he soon found that he could manipulate living beings as well, when a stalker attacked him he grabbed it by the face, killed it easily, and then morphed its body into a long trench coat. He did not yet know the true extent of his ability, Omnipotency but he assumed it was powerful, seeing as anyone with it was Multiversal level.
As he continued on his journey to nowhere he found many more Risen cities, and he destroyed every last one, sparing no one. At this point in time Old America was scattered with massive craters that once held vast cities in their depths, those cities, now lost to the wind. As he was walking down the abandoned street of what was once known as San Francisco he realized something. “What’s the point of all this?” he asked himself, “what good does it do to wander around the Earth, and maybe destroy a few Risen cities here in there?” he looked up at the sky, “I have to get back up there, and kill the ones who killed Mei…I’ll save the rest of the Risen for later…” he smirked and looked at a massive Risen hatch about a mile away, then he turned away from it and put his hand up to the air, he didn’t know if it was possible, but he tried anyways. As he concentrated on the city of Aidenn, first he pinpointed its location through a branch of Omnipotency called Omniscience, then, quite easily actually, he opened up a gate to the city of Aidenn. Energy started whirling around Riven’s hand, like a tiny hurricane, the energy then solidified into the handle of a gate, and then spread, soon forming into a large gate, about 10 meters tall, he opened the gate, and through it he saw a bustling market, filled with shady looking people. This is Aidenn he thought as he stepped through the doorway, as soon as he was on the other side the doorway immediately disappeared.
All around him, people were staring, shocked by what they had just seen. A man had just walked through a gate of light, like magic. Riven looked all around him, there are quite a few people in this market he thought as an ominous smirk carved its way onto his face. He stuck out his hand out to the crowd, and then he snapped, and as soon as he did so, a massive explosion rocked the center of Aidenn, decimating everyone and everything in the market, no signs of the people who were around him remained, not even any blood. Soon the city’s police force arrived in a large transport vehicle, but before they could exit it Riven punched the grill of the truck, flattening it like a pancake and sending it flying, this also carved a massive line straight through the city, grazing one of its massive engines.
Riven was starting to feel angry, very angry, this is the city that killed Mei he thought as he began down the road, this was the city that took everything from him, and the person who commanded it could have only been its mayor. He began walking towards what he thought would be the town hall, a large and tall building, almost like a tower, near the edge of the city, right in front of its main engine, and right under it, RIven presumed, would be the central engine room. “I’ll take out two birds with one stone,” he said as he looked around at the street he was on, realizing that it was almost untouched, “but first…” he snapped his fingers again, destroying everything within half a mile of him, he continued on his path of revenge down the now burning street, surrounded by nothing but destruction.
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Hi hi! Hop here with a review!! Please give me some grace, as I am not so good at reviewing... Thank you for understanding! Now, onto my review ~~~~~
This story as a whole was massive, emotional, and full of momentum. It started with a quiet post-apocalyptic setup floating cities, scavenger work, a friendship and then slowly unraveled into something mythic and terrifying. The way you built the world and then let it collapse through Riven’s eyes was powerful and heartbreaking.
The emotional core of the story was always Mei. Her energy, her loyalty, her curiosity they made the early chapters feel warm and grounded. And when she died, everything shifted. That moment wasn’t just sad it was devastating. It cracked Riven open and turned the whole story into a descent. You didn’t just show grief, you showed what grief can become when it’s left to fester in someone with unimaginable power.
Riven’s transformation was gradual but intense. You gave him time to grow stronger, to test his abilities, to lose his humanity piece by piece. Watching him go from scavenger to destroyer felt earned. It wasn’t just about power it was about purpose, or the loss of it. And that made his journey feel tragic even when he was doing horrifying things
The worldbuilding was rich and layered. The contrast between the Fallen cities in the sky and the Risen bunkers underground gave the setting depth. The stalkers, the ancient ruins, the mysterious powers it all felt like a world with history and scars. And then you added the twist about the Risen being superpowered and the war being thousands of years old? That expanded everything and made the conflict feel even more epic.
The pacing was really well done. You gave us quiet moments like Riven sitting on a throne of rubble and then followed them with explosive scenes of destruction. The balance between introspection and action kept the story moving while still letting us sit with the emotional weight.
The writing style was consistent and strong. You didn’t shy away from big emotions or big stakes, and that made the story feel bold. The dialogue felt natural, the descriptions were vivid, and the emotional beats landed hard. You weren’t afraid to go dark, and it paid off.
By the end, Riven isn’t just a character he’s a force. He’s grief, rage, and power all wrapped into one. And even though he’s terrifying, you made me care about him. That’s not easy to do.
This story was intense, emotional, and full of scale. I can't wait to see more and stay amazing!!!!
Love Hop
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Riven takes Mei to Earth. They fight monstrous beasts called “Stalkers” and somewhere along the lines, Mei dies. She also confesses her love to Riven right before she dies and then, Riven gets upset and decides that he must destroy the whole world, Thanos style.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think there needs to be more moments where Riven processes all of his thoughts and emotions, especially when Mei dies. I’d also like to see more of Riven and Mei’s relationship before she died, but again, these are my thoughts and you don’t have to agree.
Chocolate Bar - I like how you described the different powers that Riven and the King have, it shows that the greatness of the Risen. I also like how you described the different buildings and the stalkers, it really helps with the world building of the story.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a great short story to read! If you ever wanted to continue Riven’s adventure and maybe expand on who he is as a character, then I will be sure to read other parts of this story and leave a review. I enjoyed reading this and…
I wish you a beautiful day/night! ^v^
Thank you for the reply! This was just a story that I cooked up years ago, but I might pick it up again. Thans for the honest feedback
You%u2019re welcome! ^v^