A Summer Romance--Chapter 1: Sparks

by Chantatertot

Published December 3, 2013

In A Summer Romance

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Things that are ordinary are often taken for granted—the way when the sun shines through a cloud it makes the whole thing glow, the feeling you get when you stretch, that moment when you’re right on the brink of sleep, ready to fall into the abyss—and we glorify and superimpose the things that are beautiful, but rare. I cannot help but to believe that humans would be happier if we appreciated the things that are common; the things we see and hear and touch and taste every day.”

***

It was June 5th and it had to be at least 100 degrees outside; temperatures were soaring in typical South Georgia fashion. I was working up a sweat carrying in box after box of our things. My flip-flops slapped against the hot concrete and I was almost afraid to stop moving because their plastic soles might melt. The box I was carrying rattled and clattered as I marched up the driveway and up the two solid wooden steps, onto the porch and into the house. A peek inside the box revealed a bunch of silverware and stirring spoons. I turned right into the wide entryway to the kitchen.

I set down the utensils on the table beneath the crystal chandelier in the dining room and admired my new home. I had to admit, the house was definitely a step up from the last one. My parents had just divorced and with all the money my mother got, we could afford a nice place. The floorboards were mahogany and they shone under the silver light fixtures hanging down from the ceiling and the walls were painted a steely blue and trimmed in white, giving the place a polished vibe. The blasting AC and the new house smell brought a smile to my face and I slipped off my shoes and set my feet on the cool floor, sending a delicious chill through my body.

It was two minutes before I heard “Holly, c’mon,” from my little sister in the driveway, interrupting my moment. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the task at hand: unloading the giant U-Haul outside. There had to be at least fifty boxes to go, plus all the stuff we’d crammed in our car. I skipped down the steps passing my mom and my sister on the way out, both of them carrying boxes that looked way too big for them. Piper couldn’t even see over the top of hers. Jet, our golden retriever puppy, trotted in after them and didn’t hesitate to curl up by the door, basking in the cool air.

I made it ten steps down the driveway and just as I reached the U-Haul my foot rolled over a rock, sending me flying down to the too-hot concrete. As fate would have it, as I began to pick myself back up from my embarrassing spill someone was walking up the driveway. I immediately blushed and internally cursed my clumsiness. There was no way he hadn’t seen me go down.

“Are you alright?” he asked with an amused chuckle, jogging up to me. I looked at him and nearly fell back down from embarrassment. This guy was something special. He had on flip-flops like me—but he probably wouldn’t be falling out of them any time soon—and khaki shorts and a red t-shirt that had to be covering up well-defined abs. His dark curly hair shone under the blazing sun and his eyes were a deep brown. They reminded me of melted Swiss chocolate. He offered me a hand and I took it, him pulling me back to my feet. My palm stung from where it’d landed on the ground but I ignored that, playing it as cool as I possibly could.

“We’re going to pretend you didn’t see that,” I said with a nervous laugh. I tucked a strand of my short, tawny hair behind my ear and examined my chipping nail polish.

“If you say so,” he said. A quiet moment passed between us. The giant oak covered in Spanish moss in standing tall in our yard swayed gently in the hot breeze, rustling leaves and throwing shadows everywhere. I could see a bead of sweat peeking from beneath his curls that covered his forehead.

Clearing my throat I said “I’m Holly,” extending the hand he’d just held. “I’m in the process of moving in next door.” I jerked my thumb at Piper who was carting in more junk, like it wasn’t obvious enough what I was doing with all these boxes and a U-Haul in my driveway. He took my hand in his considerably larger one and flipped it, pressing a kiss to the back. My stomach took a little dive of its own.

“I’m Jude. It’s a pleasure,” he said with a perfectly crooked smile revealing a row of perfectly straight teeth and a jawline that could cut diamonds. The smile almost sent me sprawling again. He let go of my hand and I resisted the urge to cradle it to my chest, proclaiming ‘I’ll never wash this hand again!’

“I’m your new neighbor, then.” Jude pointed to the house on our left, a sea green farmhouse with dark gray shutters, a wrap-around porch and a white picket fence.

“That’s great,” I said with another laugh. I felt like I was giggling like a schoolgirl and I was almost positive I was sweating through my lavender tank top but I tried to play it off as well as I could.

“It is. That means it’ll be that much easier to get to know you,” Jude said with a devilish wink. My heart skipped a beat or two and I looked down shyly at my tanned toes. I had no idea where my conversational skills had disappeared to but something about him struck me mute.

“I should uh, probably get back to work,” I said with an eye roll, wanting avoid an awkward silence. Unfortunately, it was true. I could feel my mother’s eyes on me from the doorway, waiting for me to start working again. She kept sneaking glances at me and if I didn’t get to it I’d be sure to hear about it later, which was the last thing in the world I wanted.

“Oh, right,” Jude said. He shuffled his feet.

“Well, it was nice meeting you. I’ll see you around,” I said, smiling at him. Jude was too cute to not smile at. I reluctantly turned back to the U-Haul and reached for another box, lingering in the shade of the truck for a moment wanting nothing more than to not have to lift any more boxes.

I heard Jude take a deep breath and then, “Do you want some help?” He asked from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and raised my eyebrows at him in surprise. “I don’t have to be at work until three and it’s pretty hot out here to be moving all of this stuff,” he offered, like he needed an excuse to volunteer his own time. I was silent, not wanting to impose. He rolled his eyes and walked over without waiting for an answer, taking the box from my hands with another one of his smiles.

“You don’t have to, we’ve got it,” I said, taken aback at his chivalry, especially toward a stranger. I can’t say I would’ve done the same as him but I did appreciate the help.

“Just tell me where to put them,” Jude called back, already walking up the drive and into the house. I just grabbed another box and hurried after him with a smile plastered on my face.

At 1:27 with the sun high in the sky, we’d finally gotten every single thing out of the U-Haul and our minivan. Jude and I were standing in the driveway, appraising our work. The U-Haul’s metal door was hung open revealing nothing inside and the boxes that had cluttered the back of our car were gone as well, sending a shock of glee through me.

“We’re done!” I exclaimed. On a joyful impulse I threw my arms around Jude, hugging him tightly. Upon realizing that he probably thought I was weird I let go and stepped away. “Sorry,” I said, blushing. He looked at me and laughed.

“I didn’t mind,” he said with another wink. I elbowed him playfully. We both looked toward the house that was surely blasting freezing air.

“Hey, it’s lunchtime. Do you want to come in for a little?” I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and fanned myself. “It’s mighty hot out here, sir, we could both do for a tall glass of ice water,” I said with a mock southern accent. The wind blew sending a few leaves fluttering to the ground below and I felt like I was in some kind of movie.

“I’d be absolutely delighted, my lady,” Jude said in his own drawl, offering me his elbow. I slipped my hand into the crook of his arm and we walked into my house, unable to suppress the sigh of relief we let out when we felt the cool air.

“Holly,” my mom called from somewhere I couldn’t see. I quickly dropped Jude’s arm as she rounded the corner looking through her purse for something. “Holly, I’ve got to take the U-Haul back to the rental place. Keep an eye on your sister and order pizza for lunch. There’s twenty dollars on the counter, make sure to tip the delivery boy.” Everything she said came out in a rush and she didn’t look up at me once. She found her car keys and took a deep breath, calming herself. My mother always tended to get overworked. She smoothed a piece of her honey blonde hair into her bun and turned to Jude with a mild expression of distaste. “Thank you so much for your help. Do I need to tip you?” I stared at her, slack-jawed and even Jet who’d just stuck his nose around the corner cocked his head at her.

“No, mom, you don’t need to tip him,” I said stepping in front of Jude while suppressing the urge to strangle her. Even though she was a lawyer, my mother had no tact at all. She looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“Holly, there’s no need to be rude,” she said under her breath like she wasn’t the one who’d thoroughly embarrassed me.

“It’s alright, I’m fine ma’am,” Jude said, stepping up to meet her. He offered his hand and I just prayed he wouldn’t try to kiss hers like he’d done mine. My mom took his hand and they only shook, gratefully. “I’m Judah Creedon, it’s nice to meet you.” His name fit him perfectly; strong-sounding and attractive and just quirky enough, although I preferred Jude to Judah.

“Ms. Mahoney,” my mother said in reply, emphasizing the ‘miss’ part of her name. She hadn’t introduced herself as a married woman once since the divorce. “I’ve got to go now,” she said stepping past us. “The rental place closes at three and I want to get back and change before I go to the firm. Holly, remember to give the dog water and unpack a few boxes if you get the chance.” And my mother left into the baking outside in her black blouse and gray skirt, heels clacking all the way to the car. She was insane. If being a lawyer meant you had to dress nicely even in the summer weather then I would never want to be a lawyer. Even so, I admired her ability to walk in four-inch heels in nearly any condition. My mom could do anything in her professional mode.

I waited for the sound of the car pulling out of the driveway before shutting the front door tightly, reclining against it.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said, turning around and covering my face with my hands. “My mom can be…” my sentence trailed off. There were a million things my mom could be, mainly a huge vibe killer.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean,” Jude said with an easy chuckle. “My mom’s the same way.”

I shrugged and Jude and I went through the dining room to the kitchen. I didn’t bother flicking on a light because the sun was streaming in through the huge French doors leading to our backyard, illuminating the whole room and bathing us both in the glow. I found Jet’s food and water bowls in an open box by the stove and filled them both and put them by the doors. He bounced in happily and dug into his puppy chow, oblivious to Jude and me, and I picked up the two ten dollar bills my mom had set on the counter and sighed.

“Ugh, pizza,” I moaned, putting my head down dramatically. Pizza had slowly become my least favorite food over the past month and a half. Every time my dad wasn’t home or my mother worked late she told us, ‘Order pizza, tip the delivery boy,’ and my parents were never home. I had to have heard those words at least a hundred times by now. The thought of tomato sauce alone was enough to make me nauseous.

“You know,” Jude said, leaning casually against the empty fridge, “as great as pizza is, it’s a little hot for Italian.” I nodded in total agreement. Truer words had never been spoken.

“What do you have in mind?” He crossed the room and took the bills from my hand, smoothing them on the counter until they were relatively creaseless.

“Well there’s a little diner and the food is fantastic for the price,” Jude looked at me from the corner of his eye and smiled. “We could take a little trip into town.” I was sold before he finished but I nodded anyway.

“That sounds great,” I said, ready to walk out the door.

And then I remembered Piper. I groaned.

“What’s wrong?” Jude asked, cocking his head at me in a vaguely puppyish way that was considerably cuter than when my dog did it.

“My little sister. I can’t leave her here alone,” I said grudgingly. I wanted nothing more than to do just that but my sense of morals and—to a considerably lesser extent—the threat of my mother finding out stopped me.

“She can come too, there’s room in my car for more than just the two of us you know,” Jude said. I picked up on the double entendre in his words and snorted in the most attractive way possible.

“I’ll go get her,” I said immediately, desperately wanting to go. I walked into the hall and called, “Piper!” and she appeared instantly from the first door in the hall which happened to be a closet, giving me the distinct impression that she’d been listening to my conversation. I sighed.

“Yes?” she asked with a too-innocent look on her face. I rolled my eyes.

“Come on, Pipe. We’re getting lunch.”

“I’m not dressed for lunch, Holly, my hair is a mess,” she said snootily. I wanted to throttle her; she was twelve, nobody cared what she looked like.

“Fine,” I said, “you can stay here. I’m going to get food.” I walked to the front door and Jude met me.

“Are we really leaving her?” he murmured. I gave him a mischievous smile.

“We are. Let’s go,” I said loudly enough for Piper to hear me and I took his hand in mine, pulling him out the door and down the driveway. Jet tried to follow us out but my sister ran after us and slammed the door behind her.

“Wait for me, you guys!” she called, and the three of us walked over to Jude’s house with the heat on our backs.

Comments & reviews · 3

Random avatar
deleted30
Review
deleted30 wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2013

Hi there! Lucrezia here to review.

This is a solid, solid piece. No misspellings, punctuation or grammatical issues. Technically flawless. The characters are good, realistic and relatable.

The descriptions were possibly my favorite part. They're just beautiful. For example:

His dark curly hair shone under the blazing sun and his eyes were a deep brown. They reminded me of melted Swiss chocolate.


It's easy to picture Jude from this, and also the way you worded it is spot-on.

There's only one small nitpick that I spotted:

I found Jet’s food and water bowls in an open box by the stove and filled them both and put them by the doors.


There's a lot of "and"s in this, and it kind of runs on.

I would suggest changing it to:

'I found Jet's food and water bowls in an open box by the stove. After filling them both, I put them by the doors.'

Beyond that, this was pretty perfect. I really like where it's headed so far. Awesome work! :)

User avatar
Panikos
Review
Panikos wrote a review Review · Dec 5, 2013

Hallo, sir. Pan is here for a review.

On the whole, this was a pretty solid piece. I spotted very little errors in terms of grammar, spelling and such-like. The only real suggestion I would make is in regards to this quote here:

If being a lawyer meant you had to dress nicely even in the summer weather then I would never want to be a lawyer.

Get rid of the second use of 'lawyer' and replace it with 'one', so it's reads like this:

If being a lawyer meant you had to dress nicely even in the summer weather then I would never want to be one.

It flows better, yes? Try to avoid using the same word twice within a short space of time - the repetition sounds uncomfortable in the reader's mind.

Aside from that, there was nothing technically wrong with your writing. It was simple, direct, and there was a lot of tone in there - you got a sense of Holly's thinking pattern. However, in order to make your writing stand out, I want you to incorporate even more tone to give real personality to the piece. Don't just give us snatches of what Holly thinks of Jude and her mum, describe things in exactly the way that she would think of them. Does she exaggerate? Does she notice big details or small ones? The adjectives she uses, the order in which she notices things, can tell us a lot about her character. So don't waste an inch - don't ever slip into using the objective diction of a third person narrator. Make sure we know her from the inside out.

Nonetheless, the writing isn't the only thing that could do with a bit of sharpening up. At the moment, this story isn't standing out to me massively, and I agree with Bugslake in that you should probably pace Holly and Jude's relationship a little more. They're already falling over one another yet we barely know a thing about them as individuals - remember that all the best love stories are those in which the two characters are developed beforehand. I know it can feel tedious and long-winded when you have to flesh out characters and you have no inspiration to do so, but it's worth it, trust me. Anyway, I as a reader want to know about Holly and Jude before we learn about Holly-and-Jude. You hear me?

Also, never underestimate how lovable flawed characters can be. At the moment, Jude seems too perfect. He's attractive, he's gentlemanly, he's got a certain quirkiness about him, so he just doesn't seem real. Give him something about him that makes him human, a real, driving flaw that can't be excused but doesn't need to be. What that flaw is is up to you, but I think that you should really focus on making all of your characters three dimensional. At the moment, I find the mother the most interesting because she's actually a bit insensitive and tactless - imperfect.

So really, it's fleshing out the characters that you need to work on. Once you've done that, the story will take care of itself. Okay?

Anyway, I hope I didn't sound too harsh. I really don't mean to be; I just want to help, and hopefully I did. If you've any questions, please don't hesitate to PM me. I'll be pleased to pop in for future reviews should you need them, as well. :)

Keep writing, m'dear! :D
Pan

No, that was just the advice I was looking for. Thanks so much :)

Random avatar
Bugslake
Review
Bugslake wrote a review Review · Dec 5, 2013

This is really cute and adorable. I just wish that you hadn't gone so fast. It was just so quick for the whole connection thing. If you took longer, the readers would be able to connect better with your characters. It just seemed odd how connected they were within ten seconds.

Other than that it was very good and there wasn't anything else wrong with it. Keep writing it, I would still like to read more of this. You're a very good writer and I would like to read more of your work.

Thank you! I'll make sure to keep all of that in mind. :)



Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
— Jamie Anderson