Published July 22, 2005
i would never admit to anyone
but coffee stained notebooks
and the anonymous white screen
that i think of you. sometimes
i try and hide it even from myself.
if i could believe
that you lie awake at night
and stare at the ceiling with your hands
behind your head and think of my smile
and feel your heart clench
and have to curl your toes and bite your lip
to stop yourself from screaming,
then i think i could sleep a little better.
but knowing i am alone
and crying over a boy
with a hundred girls' kisses
on his shirt collar and condoms
carpeting the floor of his car
is like sticking needles into the webbing
between the fingers.
only worse.
i sink myself in boys with eyes the colour
of mediterranean storms
and pretend that i threw my feelings for you away
like chewing gum wrapped in yesterday's bus ticket.
i try and hide the memory of your
fingers running through my hair
and the feel of your sheets on my skin
in porchway kisses from boys with dirty hair
and dirty little secrets scarred into their shoulder blades.
i have drowned myself in vodka
and laughed too loud for months
in the hope that i can fade out your voice
and your music and your smell from my memory
but nothing has ever been so clear.
your name is always in my mind,
pounding behind my eyes,
against the inside of my skull.
and you wouldn't recognize me
if i danced around your room at midnight,
wearing nothing but a smile.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,303 Literary Works • 674,338 Reviews
Oooh. I really liked this.
I didn't think any of the imagery was excessive.
Even the smallest detail can change the outcome of the picture as a whole.
I loved the emotion into you put into this--and I can completely relate to the feeling.
Excellent work.
I've read a couple of your poems and I noticed that you like to give lots of imagery.. however I don't think it's all necessary. I think you stretched this poem a little too long for its own good. They're nice phrases but a little much.
I loved it! Honestly i really did. I'm not very good at critting poetry but I'll try my best. My favorite part was:
your name is always in my mind,
pounding behind my eyes,
against the inside of my skull.
and you wouldn't recognize me
if i danced around your room at midnight,
wearing nothing but a smile.
I also think that you started it with a good beginning. Good job!