Published September 11, 2006
We lay back on the cold sand,
The better to watch the night.
The two of us, spread eagled
Left over laughter still escaping in blows,
Trying to catch our breath.
Breathing to the rythym
Of the crashing waves and silence
But for the water's whispers.
Then your voice, low and soft:
"All those stars are dead, you know.
Their light is just a reflection, an imprint
On a black, blank canvas."
Old information, maybe, but you made it
Sound like magic, and I was entranced.
I turned my head to look at you.
You reached out, pressed your fingertips
Against the traintracks of blue veins on my wrist.
I feel you even now.
Your fingerprints stick to my skin,
The impression lingering on
Long after you have gone.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I loved it! You have a lot of talent Chanson. I couldn't find anything other than what was said before. Keep writing!

Wiggy
Wow, I really liked this
Just one quick note :

Breathing to the rythym
Of the crashing waves and silence
But for the water's whispers.
Then your voice, low and soft
"All those stars are dead, you know.
Their light is just a reflection, an imprint
On a black, blank canvas."
try to make it erhhmm "clear" that ur moving on to the second person's voice, I had to read it over
that's all otherwise I loved it