Published December 3, 2005
Unexpected, there you were infront of me
Unexpected, we crossed eachothers ways, just in time to see
Unexpected, it all had happened so fast
I just wish I could make the unexpected last
So there I was,or even better there you were
The minutes past, God I can't even remember
I havn't talked to you,since forever
For a century we havn't sat together
I looked in your eyes, you into mine.
"Sigh" I wonder what happened to time
I wish I could talk to you more often now and then,
Too bad you're to busy-not having time to be my Friend.
Unexpected, there you was infront of me
Unexpected, we crossed eachothers ways, just in time to see
Unexpected, it all had happened so fast
I just wish I could make the unexpected last
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,614 Literary Works • 675,162 Reviews
Okay this poem was like not very good
I should work on it a bit more The Unexpected had happened and just when it had passed I had allready posted this poem, i wrote it really quick without putting my head 2 it to make some changes....
But I will make them don't worry
These were the only lines i really liked in the poem. The rest didn't really grip me. Your poem was okay.
Welcome. Anyway, I thought this was average. The word unexpected didn't work for me. I'll just go through with spelling errors and such.
Unexpected, there you were in front of me.
Unexpected, we crossed each others ways just in time to see.
Unexpected, it all had happened so fast.
I just wish I could make the unexpected last.
So there I was, or even better, there you were.
The minutes passed; God, I can't even remember.
I haven't talked to you since forever.
For a century, we haven't sat together.
I looked into your eyes; you looked into mine.
With a sigh, I wondered what happened to time.
I wish I could talk to you more often.
It's too bad you're too busy and don't have time to be my friend.
Unexpected, there you were in front of me.
Unexpected, we crossed each others ways, just in time to see.
Unexpected, it all had happened so fast.
I just wish I could make the unexpected last.
My suggested changes were in bold. I din't really like it. When you say just in time to see, it leaves me asking see what? Anyway, you're grammar wasn't great, nor was your sentence structure. Keep working on this and make your reader feel something.
thank you and I've made the changes you told me to
the poem is ... unexpectedly good.
er..there are 2 minor mistakes:"Unexpected, there you was infront of me "should be "Unexpected, there you were infront of me"
and
"too bad your to busy not having time to be my Friend." should read :"too bad you're too busy- not having time to be my friend."
don't you think youiy should start each new line with a capiatl letter?