Published July 30, 2006
Take a step forward, look inside.
Be surprised of what you’ll find.
Keep on walking, explore my youth.
My thoughts and feelings, revealing the truth.
My feelings travel, they travel the ocean.
My thoughts dwell in attics and seek misfortune.
Touching wouldn't you say ?
Sincerely there’s nothing much to it.
Visualize, try to picture.
My story, nothing more than a mixture.
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I really like the last stanza. I tried reading with the last bit as the first stanza and to me it was better. I'm not too keen on rhyming so I couldn't add to that.
It would be tedious to repeat the previous, so I won't. Oops.
I really like that imagery. It would be cool to expand on that and talk more about the dwelling in attics thing.I don't know if I like the last stanza, but I do like
Call me wierd, but I find attics fascinating.
I agree with xanthan_gum that the rhyme scheme is forced. I like the last stanza though. It's almost like you could start with that and make something better.
As for where it goes, I would go with Other. That always works.
hmmm, thnx for ur comment
would you be so kind telling me what kind of poetry is it then ?? Dramatic ??
thnx
...This isn't narrative.... Anyway..
The rhyme is a bit forced, the third stanza's lines are too long so they're off rhythm. Then you discard both rhyme and rhythm for the last half of the poem. Mhm. Okay.
Try to avoid saying useless things that just clog up the poem. Short is okay =]
keep writing.