thnx for the crit niteowl 
I changed "In my heart, In my soul" it does sound rather odd after I repeat "Octave Heart" at the end 
thnx for the notice really did come in handy 
I touch, I feel
the adrenaline through
my fingers
Every press, every skip,
every step
on the pedal
I dance, I twinkle
my body warmth
creates;
In my soul,
an eighth note floating
throughout
the veins of
my“Octave Heart”
thnx for the crit niteowl I changed "In my heart, In my soul" it does sound rather odd after I repeat "Octave Heart" at the end thnx for the notice really did come in handy
I like it, but the flow's a bit choppy in some places. The first three lines don't flow smoothly, making it harder to get into the poem. The semicolon after "creates" is also distracting, as are the quotes around the last line.
"In my heart, in my soul" This sounds a bit cliche.
"An eight note floating" Did you mean eighth note?
I like the wording, just re-organize the lines a bit. Good job!
Ooh.
I like this.
I don't having anything all that constructive to say, I'm afraid... there's really nothing I think could be improved. This is a really powerful poem, I can tell you are passionate about music.
Nice work on this!!!
120,218 Literary Works • 649,144 Reviews
Points: 1050
Reviews: 182
Donate