Cold Winds

by Chandni

Published December 29, 2005

Cold winds lost in time,
they take away,
they shatter lifes.

Empty spaces in your body,
they fill it up with ice.
Ice so cold it turns in to stone,
this is what it feels like to be alone.

Cold winds awful but true.
They do what they must,
what they must do to you.

You can't run you can't hide,
sooner or later its you whom they wil find.
There's no turning back no leaving it behind,
as cold winds allways and forever haunt your mind.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Crayon
Comment
Crayon commented Comment · Dec 31, 2005

I dont want to clog everything up with repeats so i just back up everything Writersdomain said. Good Work!

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Writersdomain
Review
Writersdomain wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2005

I really liked your description of the cold winds and how the ice turns to stone. I really enjoyed this poem. The only thing that bothered me was the 2nd line.

they take away they shatter lifes.


At the very least, I think there should be a semi colon separating those two sentences, but I think it would be even better to made those sentences 2 separate lines to make the 1st stanza three lines.

Very beautiful poem... good job

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Chandni
Comment
Chandni commented Comment · Dec 29, 2005

Well i changed it a bit..the third stanza i'll see what I can do with the second one
Thnx :)

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xanthan gum
Review
xanthan gum wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2005

the last line in the second stanza and the last line in the third stanza (sorry, i didn't know how to grammatically combine those two) are a bit off with the rhythm, but otherwise it was fairly a good piece of writing. it didn't particularly move me, but in some parts the rhythm was definitely interesting, such as:

They do what they must,
what they must do to you.


resourceful, i guess. =]



it's ok, death by laughter was always how i've wanted to go out
— Carina