Young Writers Society

Hi,

Nicely done. I know it is a piece written directly from your heart. I appreciate the feeling. Great work mate. Words speak better, when you feel them. you thoughts are clear and your poem speaks for you. you mentioned a line twice, "Forgive me". I felt it. There is rule in poetry the more you feel, the better you write. You felt it correctly. "I know I am annoying" You used this line appropriately. You knew the places to fit every line. I respect that. When I read such pieces i learn alot. It is a good piece. I am feeling good after realizing the lines you wrote in your balladry. We all go though this face. It is very very heart touching. I love it. Keep writing such poems. You are going great. Keep it up!

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

The first aspect of this poem that I wanted to touch on is the fact that almost every line is capitalized. Not all of them are, such as the eighth or the twelfth lines. This is something that I wanted to point out for not only consistency, but for the fact that I'm wondering why you've chosen to make this stylistic choice. It's most definitely your choice in that you can do what you want with the aesthetic and overall look of the poem, though I don't understand why you'd do this.

An explanation, at least for me would help understand why you've chosen to do this, even if it's as simple as you thought it looked nice, because stylistic choices can be made for that exact reason. The capitalization of each line doesn't have to represent the theme or have to mean something big, but if you're going to use it that way, I'm going to ask why.

I'm also going to suggest that you decapitalize 'me' in the first line, though for the most part that's a small nitpick. Jumping deeper into the actual content of the poem, this is a piece that feels to be used for the purpose of being theraputic? At least, that's how I found the poem to be. A place to vent for the speaker. 'Nawhs' in the third to last line should be spelled 'gnaws', a small grammar error. A grammar checker could help avoid that for the most part, though it's beneficial to learn how to proofread. I'd like to see more detail here for the most part.

That's the main aspect of the poem that I thought needed fixing. There's talk of anxiety and depression, though just mentioning those words isn't enough to get the reader to feel them. I suggest setting up more of the tone or the atmosphere to do this with imagery or other forms of poetic devices to show what this anxiety and depression feels like. I also wanted to briefly bring up the ending, which is also something that I found to be a little weak. This is mainly the last two lines that I'm talking about here. I'm not a large fan of how they both end in 'me' since it's a little repetitive.

Not only that, but it suggests that there's a 'normal'. This may be more of a personal opinion, but I'm not a fan of poems that introduce that there's a normal and that people with anxiety or depression are immediately outcasts. People with anxiety or depression can live normal lives and don't have to be sad or anxious all the time. It's not a single defining trait, and I don't think you meant it to seem that way. The last line, 'being normal is not in the cards for me' rubs me the wrong way, though that may not be the same for everyone! I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant to get across, but in a way I felt that in the message of the poem.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Hey there Cflorence21,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review

Forgive Me, I would leave off the comma here or replace it with a period, it would make the statement 'forgive me' much stronger.
I know I'm annoying,
Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my thoughts. I like this, but I feel like you could find an even better image to express this exact same thought.
I don't mean to be such a bother,
Being accepted is something thatI long for.
Forgive Me, Same suggestion as the first time.
It's hard to get past my depression,
to be the person that belongs in the crowd.
Anxiety is a bitch, Yes it is. But, why don't you give us an example on how it is.
It's something that nawhsgnaws at me everyday.
So please forgive me,
being normal is not in the cards for me.