She was ice, and I wanted her to freeze me.
She was an enigma, a puzzle that desperately needed to be solved.
Like a water to leaf, she could not resist
They said love would be her end ...
Then let it end her
A/N: I haven't posted anything in months, and I can't seem to write a novel, so I'm going back to poetry for a while. =D
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While I think you have a strong point in mind for this poem, I get a bit confused about how it goes from being about her affect on you, to how love affected her. Also, I think that some of the lines are quite cliche. "a puzzle that desperately needed to be solved", is unfortunately a bit overdone. I really think the thought in this is great and with some really different, out of the box metaphors, you could have a winner.
Great job!
KP
very cryptic, i have to say. i kind of didn't get it at first but then i did. being cryptic is needed sometimes when writing but it makes it much harder for readers to understand you too. this is the only comment i can think of otherwise i really liked it. my grammar and spelling aren't the best to be honest so i don't think i can comment on that. i like the depth of emotion you seemed to show in this poem and i certainly advice you to keep on writing
sherine
Thanks =D
I'm a critic when it comes to short, simple, and to the point poems like this, by critic I mean I've only reviewed two short poems here on YWS, so no need to worry, I wont eat this alive with harsh reviewing lingo. Hahaha!
I feel this could of been made a little bit longer in my opinion, but it's poetry, it's suppose to be different and interesting in it's own way, but again that's my own opinion when it comes to poetry.
There's no grammar issues, punctuation are good, it's an all around great poem! =D
I hope to see you post more of your work on here, and good luck!
Thanks