Published February 4, 2010
I see myself through a haze,
indistinct, a warped projection.
As if I'm staring into a pool
disturbed by a skipping stone.
Or in a shiny metal mirror,
cracked and tarnished with age.
Or in a fog, obscured.
I only see myself
Through smoke, a lonely outline,
or at night a mere shadow.
I am unsure of who I am
when I look inside myself.
I can only be sure that
whatever emotion I have
can be masked by indifference.
Each sorrowful stab, disguised.
Every painfully memory cast aside.
My identity continues to elude me.
Who I am, Who am I?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,616 Literary Works • 675,164 Reviews
Let me know if any of the changes I made help a little. I really want to get this poem right because it is one of my personal favorites. Punctuation, and getting the right amount, has always been a problem for me in writing poetry. Thanks for the advice.
I'm sometimes a bit of a punctuation poker, so I like to see that you used a lot of it, however, something takes away from it; every single line starts with a capital letter! Arg! Sorry if it seems mean, but I really don't like this sort of thing, because it isn't clear wether a line ends or not. Enjambment is ruined, and confusion is created.
I can't say too much else that bugs me on this piece. Those last four lines were very good, and wrapped the piece up perfectly, and a surprising amount of imagery was pleasant.
Have a lucky day!
This was a fairly good poem my only problem was unlike your last poem. This had too much puncuation. IT distracts the reader from the writing and can be annoying. But other than that really good poem. PM me if you need anything or just wanna talk
~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writng, Insanity and Chocolate
This is my second post, I've tried adding more punctuation. My first poem Flowing Swiftly had very little if any punctuation. Please give me any advice for improvement. Thanks.