Published October 12, 2008
Just so you know I don't want to get freaked at for mentioning God in this, I like it that way and am keeping that line... so go on and get to critiquing!!
Why then, do we refuse and decline?
We hate and forbid with such bold,
Such passionate intentions
We abhor and distort reality to how
Our minds wish it to be; whilst our
Hearts beg and cry for a tender and loving
Sort of mercy to happen, to stumble upon it
How then, can our hearts be fully satisfied?
If the fantasies of our dreams continually
Invade the realities of our lives, never allotting
For the things lying right in your path to be seen
Oh yes, your eyes shall see them, but your
Heart’s eyes, shall be blinded by your created
World, your walls put up to block out anguish,
When, then, shall we let ourselves be loved and cradled,
Cherished and adored; to have that love?
Shall no one ever come to break those walls that
Were stacked up so very long ago?
Please rest, lonely heart, and I beg you, take heed!
For the Lord shall provide for you, when you are in need.
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141,445 Literary Works • 674,456 Reviews
Oooh thank ye! Hmm now any suggestions on improvements/changes? I only rewrote it once before posting it here, but I only changed punctuation. Any more comments are greatly appreciated!!
If someone gets mad at you for mentioning God just tell them to get over it. God is a word/diety that can be used by anyone and everyone in any and every context.
Now then, on to the poem. It was so nice and refreshing. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was but there was just something about it that I liked. A very good job.
Amazing job!! Really, I can not find anything to pick on. The punctuation was perfect. Words, perfect. It flows nicely and everything! And the mentioning God, good use for his name and I don't think anyone should get mad at you for that. But anyway, great job!
~M